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Old 08-07-2010, 05:22 PM
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Thank you

I found this site tonight after a long day filled with sad thoughts. Reading all the stories & responses here has been so very helpful to me this evening so I wanted to say thank you.

I left my alcoholic SO of 10 years in mid-April hoping, like so many of you have, that it would shock him into getting help. It's taken having dinner with him every couple of weeks over the past few months to admit to myself that no, he's not trying to help himself. Today I emailed his sister who lives in another city because I wanted to let his family know his situation. And that's the last I'm going to have to do with it. I hope. I can't do anything more. It's hard to come to terms with that in my mind & my heart.

Now I know where to come to read about others going through this experience and through that to help myself stay the steady path.

Thank you all very much.
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Old 08-07-2010, 05:51 PM
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This forum is a great place to be

Welcome!
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Old 08-07-2010, 05:52 PM
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Good to have you here.

Yeah, it's hard to see that even the loss of a loved one sometimes isn't enough for someone to face his disease and get help.

Stick around, I think it will help the healing.
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Old 08-07-2010, 07:14 PM
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Welcome to the SR family!

We are glad you found us. Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

Be gentle with yourself.
You have ended a long-term relationship and may experience a range of emotions as a natural grieving process. It feels like an emotional roller-coaster going from denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Some days the roller-coaster goes through all the phases and some days it sits in a holding pattern of one or two of the phases.

If you find yourself stuck in one of the phases of grief, reach out for help.

We are here to support you.
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Old 08-08-2010, 06:17 AM
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Glad you are here. We are all at different stages here and SR really helped me and continues to. The Melody beattie books really helped me and Alanon tauught me how to focus on me. I heard a cassette that said reconnect to God, reconnect to others, and take time to grieve. Let go or be dragged helped me. Work the program you wish they would work.
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Old 08-08-2010, 07:00 PM
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Hi ThisOne! Welcome!
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Old 08-09-2010, 03:00 AM
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I’m so glad you found this sight, I felt the same way when I found it and I read every night, It shakes me back into reality when I start forgetting why I left. You know like they say about labor pains we sort of forget how painful it was after the baby comes but boy when it is going on we say never again. Ten years? I tried 23 not counting the dating years, we met when I was seventeen, he’s my first love. You know that song “The First Cut Is The Deepest” by Rod Stewart. Like you I can’t even count the times I left thinking “Oh yea, I’ll teach you a lesson and you will miss me so much you will hurt like I do”. He did miss me, and begged me back, so pitiful how could I resist, he couldn’t live without me and I fell for it millions of times because he was going to quit and get help, I was happy each time because I thought I had the power to control his sickness (really he tricked me into thinking I had control of his drinking). Well, we stay for many reasons…We Love Them, God will answer our prayers, we invested so much time, what if he finds someone and he quits(not because she’s better, what if that just happens to be the date or year he comes to his senses, how dare I leave a sick man, that would almost be like leaving a child because it caught a disease that didn’t show up until it turned 10, most of the time we miss the man he used to be, his love,touch,kisses, his passion and we truly believe he will be back to the way he was, we may be afraid to be alone,we may feel having a drunk is better than no man at all, maybe were afraid of starting over. We have so many reasons for staying…. Sadly during the years of wishing, hoping and praying we lose who we are and we may never be the same again…life has been sucked out of us, esteem is gone… we take meds for depression that cause weight gain, some of us are put in mental hospitals because we don’t want to die but want the pain to go away, some of us lose our jobs, he of course loses his job and the older he gets, the more he drinks. Like a spoiled child give him everything he wants, cut your heart out if that will make him happy, stand on your head and do tricks, trust me you will be his fool for years. Stay if it makes you happy but you might have better luck playing Mega Million Lottery. You can’t make him stop, only he can make that decision. Watch Intervention on TV and at the end some stick to the program and many go back to the alcohol or drug. Wash you hands of him until he get help and stays sober for a year…If it’s meant to be y’all will be back together but don’t try to make something work that isn’t . Put him in God’s hands, move to another state just look after you. Go to the top of the page if you have time and click on Search the key in my log in name letgoofmyheart then click View All Threads Started By You and read my first thread called Tough Love…I was a hurt mess and still am, I still ache.
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Old 08-09-2010, 06:52 AM
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Originally Posted by letgoofmyheart View Post
I’m so glad you found this sight, I felt the same way when I found it and I read every night, It shakes me back into reality when I start forgetting why I left. You know like they say about labor pains we sort of forget how painful it was after the baby comes but boy when it is going on we say never again. Ten years? I tried 23 not counting the dating years, we met when I was seventeen, he’s my first love. You know that song “The First Cut Is The Deepest” by Rod Stewart. Like you I can’t even count the times I left thinking “Oh yea, I’ll teach you a lesson and you will miss me so much you will hurt like I do”. He did miss me, and begged me back, so pitiful how could I resist, he couldn’t live without me and I fell for it millions of times because he was going to quit and get help, I was happy each time because I thought I had the power to control his sickness (really he tricked me into thinking I had control of his drinking). Well, we stay for many reasons…We Love Them, God will answer our prayers, we invested so much time, what if he finds someone and he quits(not because she’s better, what if that just happens to be the date or year he comes to his senses, how dare I leave a sick man, that would almost be like leaving a child because it caught a disease that didn’t show up until it turned 10, most of the time we miss the man he used to be, his love,touch,kisses, his passion and we truly believe he will be back to the way he was, we may be afraid to be alone,we may feel having a drunk is better than no man at all, maybe were afraid of starting over. We have so many reasons for staying…. Sadly during the years of wishing, hoping and praying we lose who we are and we may never be the same again…life has been sucked out of us, esteem is gone… we take meds for depression that cause weight gain, some of us are put in mental hospitals because we don’t want to die but want the pain to go away, some of us lose our jobs, he of course loses his job and the older he gets, the more he drinks. Like a spoiled child give him everything he wants, cut your heart out if that will make him happy, stand on your head and do tricks, trust me you will be his fool for years. Stay if it makes you happy but you might have better luck playing Mega Million Lottery. You can’t make him stop, only he can make that decision. Watch Intervention on TV and at the end some stick to the program and many go back to the alcohol or drug. Wash you hands of him until he get help and stays sober for a year…If it’s meant to be y’all will be back together but don’t try to make something work that isn’t . Put him in God’s hands, move to another state just look after you. Go to the top of the page if you have time and click on Search the key in my log in name letgoofmyheart then click View All Threads Started By You and read my first thread called Tough Love…I was a hurt mess and still am, I still ache.
The bolded just blew me away.
I caught my ex cheating on me yesterday so it's over, but before this, I had the life sucked right out of me trying to understand and control his sickness.
Only he can make it better, not me. I see that CLEARLY now since I thought him being sober and being in AA for 2 yrs was what he needed.
His lies, his cheating, his gaslighting, all signs of how sick he still is.
I played the fool,

Thank you for this post
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Old 08-09-2010, 07:00 AM
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Old 08-09-2010, 09:42 AM
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Good to have you here with us:day6

Keeping posting it will help

Christie
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