I’m so glad you found this sight, I felt the same way when I found it and I read every night, It shakes me back into reality when I start forgetting why I left. You know like they say about labor pains we sort of forget how painful it was after the baby comes but boy when it is going on we say never again. Ten years? I tried 23 not counting the dating years, we met when I was seventeen, he’s my first love. You know that song “The First Cut Is The Deepest” by Rod Stewart. Like you I can’t even count the times I left thinking “Oh yea, I’ll teach you a lesson and you will miss me so much you will hurt like I do”. He did miss me, and begged me back, so pitiful how could I resist, he couldn’t live without me and I fell for it millions of times because he was going to quit and get help, I was happy each time because I thought I had the power to control his sickness (really he tricked me into thinking I had control of his drinking). Well, we stay for many reasons…We Love Them, God will answer our prayers, we invested so much time, what if he finds someone and he quits(not because she’s better, what if that just happens to be the date or year he comes to his senses, how dare I leave a sick man, that would almost be like leaving a child because it caught a disease that didn’t show up until it turned 10, most of the time we miss the man he used to be, his love,touch,kisses, his passion and we truly believe he will be back to the way he was, we may be afraid to be alone,we may feel having a drunk is better than no man at all, maybe were afraid of starting over. We have so many reasons for staying…. Sadly during the years of wishing, hoping and praying we lose who we are and we may never be the same again…life has been sucked out of us, esteem is gone… we take meds for depression that cause weight gain, some of us are put in mental hospitals because we don’t want to die but want the pain to go away, some of us lose our jobs, he of course loses his job and the older he gets, the more he drinks. Like a spoiled child give him everything he wants, cut your heart out if that will make him happy, stand on your head and do tricks, trust me you will be his fool for years. Stay if it makes you happy but you might have better luck playing Mega Million Lottery. You can’t make him stop, only he can make that decision. Watch Intervention on TV and at the end some stick to the program and many go back to the alcohol or drug. Wash you hands of him until he get help and stays sober for a year…If it’s meant to be y’all will be back together but don’t try to make something work that isn’t . Put him in God’s hands, move to another state just look after you. Go to the top of the page if you have time and click on Search the key in my log in name letgoofmyheart then click View All Threads Started By You and read my first thread called Tough Love…I was a hurt mess and still am, I still ache.