Hooked on the Nook
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Hooked on the Nook
Hello SR...
I embraced Freedom's post about being good to oneself and treated myself to the Nook. That electronic book reader from Barnes and Noble. And wow I cant think of ever getting a better gift that this
There was this book I came across and it was about a girl who had been abducted and when she fought her way back home it turned out someone in her family planned it to gain publicity (hoping for a movie deal) but it had gone horribly wrong when the paid kidnapper did not return her within the week. So for some reason this really spoke to my soul. The pain she felt from the betrayal was all too familiar and it seemed the same thing and pain kept happening to her over and over again because she didnt know who planned it and so she was always surrounded by bad luck because the source of it was unidentified for so long. Her pain felt good to me. I felt someone understood my pain. At times I feel I was abducted too. I am certainly not the same girl I was when I married my stbxah.
I havent spoken to my AF nor my mother in over a month and nor do I have a desire to. And at first I thought it was some shame I was feeling over my divorce. But after reading the book I realized I just dont want to surround myself with such unhealthy people right now. My mom always acts like she doesnt care about anyone but herself and that is fine but she always seems very disinterested in me too. So I am tired to having strained conversations with them. There is no point. They never got it and never will. Just because they are blood relatives, I am not sure I need to keep forcing myself to do the family bit when I have no desire too.
Maybe I just want to be alone for a while and think of me and only me and no one else. I always guilt myself into talking to them but I took a step back and I see so much alcoholism in my life. My stbxah really did a number on me and I am still trying to dig my way out of that. My father was the first A in my life and I still have nightmares about that and my mother who is in such denial doesnt get it and doesnt care to get it. And there was my new friend who was a pothead. And I sit here and wonder why I have such a hard time communicating to people. When so many core people in your life are addicts, I guess it shouldnt be surprising how I keep trying to talk to these people with little success. Its really insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
The other night I ws trying to convey a message to the new friend about something I heard and I felt hurt about and the first thing he did was turn it around on me and expressed how hurt HE was about it. I stood in my kitchen dumbfounded and ready to defend myself and plead my case when a light bulb went off in my head...I have been in that moment previously. In the same kitchen with different addicts...OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I would like to say my kitchen and my famous porch are trying to convert to be addict free zones. I wonder if they make those signs.. You know the ones that have the siloutte of a person drinking and then a big red circle around it with a line though the middle that say "No Addicts Allowed". I would be proud to hang that on my door
But I really had an honest to God break through. I wish I can write better and explain my moment properly but it was a little something like this..I told him what I heard abotu him and wanted to clear the air..he accused me of trying to spy on him and in my head..the voice started to say "yep, you are crazy..here is another guy telling you that so they must all be right" then another voice took over and said "hey, wait a minute, we have been here before, with the same type of person, and saying almost exactly the same thing. maybe it isnt you..." It was a great moment. So now I just have to learn how to attract the healthy people into my life.
Ok, I am done babbling now, I am off to read some more!
Hugs
Lulu
I embraced Freedom's post about being good to oneself and treated myself to the Nook. That electronic book reader from Barnes and Noble. And wow I cant think of ever getting a better gift that this
There was this book I came across and it was about a girl who had been abducted and when she fought her way back home it turned out someone in her family planned it to gain publicity (hoping for a movie deal) but it had gone horribly wrong when the paid kidnapper did not return her within the week. So for some reason this really spoke to my soul. The pain she felt from the betrayal was all too familiar and it seemed the same thing and pain kept happening to her over and over again because she didnt know who planned it and so she was always surrounded by bad luck because the source of it was unidentified for so long. Her pain felt good to me. I felt someone understood my pain. At times I feel I was abducted too. I am certainly not the same girl I was when I married my stbxah.
I havent spoken to my AF nor my mother in over a month and nor do I have a desire to. And at first I thought it was some shame I was feeling over my divorce. But after reading the book I realized I just dont want to surround myself with such unhealthy people right now. My mom always acts like she doesnt care about anyone but herself and that is fine but she always seems very disinterested in me too. So I am tired to having strained conversations with them. There is no point. They never got it and never will. Just because they are blood relatives, I am not sure I need to keep forcing myself to do the family bit when I have no desire too.
Maybe I just want to be alone for a while and think of me and only me and no one else. I always guilt myself into talking to them but I took a step back and I see so much alcoholism in my life. My stbxah really did a number on me and I am still trying to dig my way out of that. My father was the first A in my life and I still have nightmares about that and my mother who is in such denial doesnt get it and doesnt care to get it. And there was my new friend who was a pothead. And I sit here and wonder why I have such a hard time communicating to people. When so many core people in your life are addicts, I guess it shouldnt be surprising how I keep trying to talk to these people with little success. Its really insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
The other night I ws trying to convey a message to the new friend about something I heard and I felt hurt about and the first thing he did was turn it around on me and expressed how hurt HE was about it. I stood in my kitchen dumbfounded and ready to defend myself and plead my case when a light bulb went off in my head...I have been in that moment previously. In the same kitchen with different addicts...OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I would like to say my kitchen and my famous porch are trying to convert to be addict free zones. I wonder if they make those signs.. You know the ones that have the siloutte of a person drinking and then a big red circle around it with a line though the middle that say "No Addicts Allowed". I would be proud to hang that on my door
But I really had an honest to God break through. I wish I can write better and explain my moment properly but it was a little something like this..I told him what I heard abotu him and wanted to clear the air..he accused me of trying to spy on him and in my head..the voice started to say "yep, you are crazy..here is another guy telling you that so they must all be right" then another voice took over and said "hey, wait a minute, we have been here before, with the same type of person, and saying almost exactly the same thing. maybe it isnt you..." It was a great moment. So now I just have to learn how to attract the healthy people into my life.
Ok, I am done babbling now, I am off to read some more!
Hugs
Lulu
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Enjoy your Nook!
I want to get a reader, but I have so many expenses right now I don't feel like I can indulge quite yet.
Most electronics get cheaper and better, so I'm hoping I won't have to wait too long.
I want to get a reader, but I have so many expenses right now I don't feel like I can indulge quite yet.
Most electronics get cheaper and better, so I'm hoping I won't have to wait too long.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I love it when we hear that inner, wise voice. I love it more when we believe it more than what others say. It means we are starting to trust our experience in life, and realize it is as valid as anyone's. Good job!! hope you treat yourself daily, even if it is "just" a loving thought towards yourself.
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