Jadmack25

Good idea, my dear. If your son says he does NOT want to go to his dad's then I would not push him to do so. What are you supposed to do, whip him or drag him over there?

I would contact Daddy dearest, and say the kid wants out of visit, and if he starts bouncing off his walls.....tell him to contact police, army, President or whoever as you cannot force kid to go. I would also contact my lawyer 1st thing Monday, and tell her what occurred.

Also, it could be cheaper to have a PI on his tail, as he is sure to find some evidence of using and if PI follows dad and kids together, it could get real interesting. It could move divorce and orders thru and he may be terrified to contest as he threatens to.

Something to look at, anyway.

God bless

HoopNinja

I heard back from the theme park--younger DS should NEVER have been allowed to go on the roller coaster. It is against park policy. So that will help even more.

I know a few PIs from the olden days. So I will make some calls. The main problem is it is his word against mine. So an impartial 3rd party may help as long it is someone above board. I have known a lot of investigators who enter the gray area--and that does not work. Needs to be clear what is going on or it will be useless information. Pictures are not as helpful as they used to be since they can be doctored. My sister had an idea. She told me that whenever the kids get home I should turn on my digital recorder and just let it run. They will say what happened and it will be evident I am not making stuff up.

Thanks again. I have not heard back from stbxah about whether he will consider taking older DS one day and having me bring up younger DS the next day.

transformyself

Good job Sis! My laptop has a recorder on it, and a camera. does yours have that? You could have them sit at the computer to play some silly little, child friendly online game, and video tape them so there's no question that it's your children.

Should you get a different attorney?

By the way, I hate your ex. He's a douche.

HoopNinja

New attorney is good. She knows court is coming up soon and does not want to give the judge ANY reason to believe I am impeding visitatin.

Good idea with the computer--I just got this thing about 6 months ago so it must have those things. I will have to check it out. I know it has a video so you can do Skype.

Douche-have not heard that on in awhile but yes, he is.

nodaybut2day

If I were you, I would try to obtain a written confirmation of this from the park manager, and inform said manager of the incident. Perhaps there's a way for him to draft a letter and include something like "Said event, which took place on such and such date, at such and such time, was COMPLETELY against park policy". Take this to your lawyer. It should help your case.

Regarding your youngest DS' desire to stay away from his father....does your state have lawyers who function as child advocates? We have those here in Quebec and they're often called upon to testify in the child's name in custody cases. Parents will bring the child to the lawyer's office, the lawyer will interview the child and testify in court for him or her. I wonder if something like that could be done with your DS since his reasons for not wanting to see his father are verbal abuse and fear.

YAY for your new lawyer!

HoopNinja

noday they do have child advocate attorneys--called a Guardian ad Litem (GAL). The only problem with bring in a GAL at this point is that it could postpone the final divorce up to a year.

I am hoping that by doing my research and perhaps a little taping, videotaping I can forgo that. I would prefer not to go the PI route because it is expensive.

Kids will be home after camp today so need to research my computer. Also need to pass this info on to new atty.

Thanks again everyone.

sirpher

Research the taping/videotaping issue very carefully. Illinois has a quirk in the law that videotaping in you own home is OK, but it cannnot have audio on it. Any audio taping needs to be consent of both parties (even on the audio of the videotape) and you could end up in trouble if he doesn't expicitly consent to the audiotaping.

HoopNinja

My state is single party consent. So if I am having a conversation with my child I am consenting-he does not have to consent or even know it is occurring. I rarely taped people when I was an investigator-single party consent or not. It looks sleezy if you have to testify in court. So even though it is completely legit to do, it pisses off the jury because they think you were being sneaky.

This is a totally different animal for many reasons:

(1) I am not taping stbxah.
(2) My attorney has not retained me as her investigator--I do not work for her or her firm. I am a private party and therefore it is not discoverable material.
(3) When children are involved and there are these kinds of shennanigans going on by one (or both) parties the judge is quite interested because custody and placement is about the welfare of the child and they could give a rat's rear end about the parents. It may result in a GAL being appointed for the case. Their main concern is the child.

So right now if the kids say that younger DS was basically made to go on a ride he did not want to go on and he was afraid. . stbxah put him on a ride (when he asked not to be put on it) AND even the theme park prohibits him putting younger DS on the ride. The court will frrown upon this as he not only flouted the theme park rules he put his child in danger (because those rules are there for a reason-safety)

If either talk about younger DS being left with a total stranger while older DS and stbxah rode other roller coasters. . .again, stbxah has put younger DS in a dangerous situation.

Now I need to check out my computer and see if it has the ability to tape with audio. I know where my digital recorder is. . .need to find the recharger and USB cable to hook up to my computer.

Thanks again for the valuable information. Is it not ridiculous that this is even necessary?!

Other sage words of advice from sister--mentally remove yourself from the picture and act as though you are a professional working on someone else's case. It removes the emotion and makes the actions that need to be taken clearer.

nodaybut2day

Wife...I sincerely hope you find enough dirt on him to nail him to the wall. Really, I do.

transformyself

He is an idiot. Delusional if he thinks he can mess with you. I don't think I'd try.

chicory

I's so sorry that you are having to go through this. I am sure that your childrens safety and welfare is something you take very seriously. and someone who is an IDIOT, really should not have those precious ones in his care.
Good luck to you,
chicory

nodaybut2day

Howsit going today Wife?

Carol Star

I am just so sad for the little one that was afraid to go on the roller coaster and was forced. I had that kind of father. Please protect him.

HoopNinja

Thanks for checking in noday.

Did not get a chance to check out the computer or charge digital voice recorder. We went back to school shopping--2 hours and a few hundred dollars later (and we did not do the clothes thing yet!) I was toast. But younger DS had a blast since this is his first year in school--so that was fun to watch. I was not born with the shopping gene so being in a store for 2 hours is grueling.

Hope to work on it tonight.


Got a new list of mediators today and stbxah's attorney said he did not care--we should just pick one. So part of me thinks stbxah is no longer paying him OR stbxah made good on his "threat" to expedite the divorce. Like that was going to upset me. Maybe this will be over in September. I hope that is not magical thinking.

coffeedrinker

The really important jobs of parents are:

1. Meet basic needs: food, shelter, protection
2. Help child to feel safe. Emotional safety is as crucial as physical
3. Love child unconditionally

You are not over-reacting. Do whatever you can. Poor little squirt.

transformyself

Hmm. I wonder if this is a trait of investigators. I can relate to you in so many ways.
Are you a lousy cook too?

HoopNinja

I am actually a great cook and used to love to cook--hopefully that will come back. My mom, although an alcoholic, was an extremely good cook. Also, I am sort of into healthy eating (well less now with all that his going on).
So I think the cooking thing is that I have done it for so long that it just comes naturally-like breathing.