Sister attempted suicide
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 20
Sister attempted suicide
Hello All...
I am still very new here, but a few may remember my posts about my AS who moved from Chicago to San Antonio to live close to me a few months ago. AS did nothing but smoke, watch tv, and want everyone to take care of her. Well, things went from bad to worse when my husband received a call from my AS's recovering friend saying my AS sent her a text that she had taken two bottles of sleeping pills, and texted my husband's cell number to this friend! I was literally woken up from sleeping late at night by my husband saying we had an emergency!
Sister ended up taking 64 otc sleeping pills, and was in a private hospital for 8 days awaiting an available bed at the state mental hospital where she's been for the last three weeks! She can't deal with life in general and now on top of having to deal with her dependent personality that she apparently has, I also have the fear of what will happen if she is released and hasn't accepted help or isn't getting therapy. Will she attempt suicide again? Will she be successful the next time?
How does one set boundaries or give bottom lines when a person is dealing with an addiction, a borderline personality disorder, and has attempted suicide? I feel like I am trapped in something that will never end and have to live in fear that I will say no or not do something my sister wants and then she will wind up dead and I will live with the guilt of it forever! Should I walk away from all of this, or do I remind myself she is family and lose my own life in the process?
I must add, my anxiety levels are high (and I take meds for this) and my husband is now taking anti-anxiety meds due to stress we've endured dealing with my AS. She thinks everything's great I assume since she now has me visiting her at the hospital and in her mind I am back in her life again. I played into her hands there I guess.
Anyway...long post I know but I just need to vent!!! Thanks all and God Bless!
I am still very new here, but a few may remember my posts about my AS who moved from Chicago to San Antonio to live close to me a few months ago. AS did nothing but smoke, watch tv, and want everyone to take care of her. Well, things went from bad to worse when my husband received a call from my AS's recovering friend saying my AS sent her a text that she had taken two bottles of sleeping pills, and texted my husband's cell number to this friend! I was literally woken up from sleeping late at night by my husband saying we had an emergency!
Sister ended up taking 64 otc sleeping pills, and was in a private hospital for 8 days awaiting an available bed at the state mental hospital where she's been for the last three weeks! She can't deal with life in general and now on top of having to deal with her dependent personality that she apparently has, I also have the fear of what will happen if she is released and hasn't accepted help or isn't getting therapy. Will she attempt suicide again? Will she be successful the next time?
How does one set boundaries or give bottom lines when a person is dealing with an addiction, a borderline personality disorder, and has attempted suicide? I feel like I am trapped in something that will never end and have to live in fear that I will say no or not do something my sister wants and then she will wind up dead and I will live with the guilt of it forever! Should I walk away from all of this, or do I remind myself she is family and lose my own life in the process?
I must add, my anxiety levels are high (and I take meds for this) and my husband is now taking anti-anxiety meds due to stress we've endured dealing with my AS. She thinks everything's great I assume since she now has me visiting her at the hospital and in her mind I am back in her life again. I played into her hands there I guess.
Anyway...long post I know but I just need to vent!!! Thanks all and God Bless!
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Hello and welcome. The greeters, much wiser folks than I, will be along soon to soothe you. I'm sorry for the madness you're in.
Keep focused on YOUR life is all I can say. Are there councelors at the mental hosp that you can consult? They've got to know about co dependance and addicts..
Keep focused on YOUR life is all I can say. Are there councelors at the mental hosp that you can consult? They've got to know about co dependance and addicts..
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hugs.. you are very strong. Have you consulted any therapist or expert ? these situations are so difficult I guess only a counselor can give you sound advice 
I do not think it is fair for you and husband to be so stressed about this person, even if it is your family.
I do not think it is fair for you and husband to be so stressed about this person, even if it is your family.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: new jersey
Posts: 15
my husband just "attempted" last week....again. this has been on-going every few years. i didn't come to his rescue. i took the kids and left the house. he was fine but embarassed the next day. i was mortified.
the fact that your sister texted someone your# tells me she was looking for help and attention. something my husband does in all his so-called attempts.
you cannot control anything in this situation and you cannot make yourself crazy wondering what the future will hold. let her know you love her and that's about it. she's got to take the steps to help herself--if she's willing to get the help.
you need to get back to your life and take control of that and that only.
i have no idea what will happen tomorrow and neither do you. live for today and keep your love going.
i know all too well that anxious feeling. i try to seeprate myself as hard as it is. if it's going to happen sadly, they'll make sure it happens with no one knowing. but you can do nothing but give your love and know you did that with all your heart.
i wish you much luck.
the fact that your sister texted someone your# tells me she was looking for help and attention. something my husband does in all his so-called attempts.
you cannot control anything in this situation and you cannot make yourself crazy wondering what the future will hold. let her know you love her and that's about it. she's got to take the steps to help herself--if she's willing to get the help.
you need to get back to your life and take control of that and that only.
i have no idea what will happen tomorrow and neither do you. live for today and keep your love going.
i know all too well that anxious feeling. i try to seeprate myself as hard as it is. if it's going to happen sadly, they'll make sure it happens with no one knowing. but you can do nothing but give your love and know you did that with all your heart.
i wish you much luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
the fact that your sister texted someone your# tells me she was looking for help and attention. something my husband does in all his so-called attempts.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
(((((((((((((Blackkat)))))))))
It is difficult to love an addict with mental illness.
Do what you can do and continue to have compassion for your sister. If she could do better today she would.
It is difficult to love an addict with mental illness.
Do what you can do and continue to have compassion for your sister. If she could do better today she would.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 20
Thanks everyone...your comments have helped. I am trying very hard to understand what's going on with my sister. It's hard because I want her to be well, but I am not sure she will be. She has been this way most of her life and through the help of my therapist I see she will be this way the rest of her life. With therapy, she may be able to maintain her life better than she has but in the end I must do what I can to make sure my husband and I are ok.
My husband is still having problems and we're trying to cope with this the best we can. He must be my focus, and so much my marriage. My sister must make her own choices.
My husband is still having problems and we're trying to cope with this the best we can. He must be my focus, and so much my marriage. My sister must make her own choices.
Climbing hills, flying down...
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 565
Hi BlackKat,
I could have written your post. My 42 year old AS shares many of the same traits (inc. personality disorder). She has attempted suicide and threatened suicide more times than I can count. It is sad. I have gone through hours / days / weeks of worrying about her, trying to convince her that life is worth living, thinking, "if I love her enough, she will get better". I was wrong. Only she can get better and make the choices to do so.
Therapy and this forum are the outlets that have helped me the most in learning about my sister's diseases and what kind of relationship to have with her. Right now, I have no relationship with her because I cannot be sucked down into the spiraling whirlpool of madness that I imagine her life to be (I seriously do think of it that way in my mind--her life is like this dark whirlpool; she is at the bottom and I am at the edge--if I take one step closer, I will lose my footing and slip down there with her, and I have been down there too many times in the past).
I have come to realize that we are helpless when it comes to the choices of others--we must let others make their own choices, just as we can make our own choices as to what is best for us. I have decided to step back and put myself, my life, and my relationship with my husband first. What will be will be. Either she will find a way to beat this, or she won't. I am trying to take comfort in the fact that she is in the best hands (long story--she went to rehab and voluntarily left it last week, and then was taken to a mental facility yesterday)--I have mentally handed her over to the doctors and professionals who can help her and hope that they will.
Take care of yourself and your husband...and let your sister make her own choices. Detach with love ("I love you, and I always will...I hope you can find a way to beat this").
Sending you hugs and good thoughts.
I could have written your post. My 42 year old AS shares many of the same traits (inc. personality disorder). She has attempted suicide and threatened suicide more times than I can count. It is sad. I have gone through hours / days / weeks of worrying about her, trying to convince her that life is worth living, thinking, "if I love her enough, she will get better". I was wrong. Only she can get better and make the choices to do so.
Therapy and this forum are the outlets that have helped me the most in learning about my sister's diseases and what kind of relationship to have with her. Right now, I have no relationship with her because I cannot be sucked down into the spiraling whirlpool of madness that I imagine her life to be (I seriously do think of it that way in my mind--her life is like this dark whirlpool; she is at the bottom and I am at the edge--if I take one step closer, I will lose my footing and slip down there with her, and I have been down there too many times in the past).
I have come to realize that we are helpless when it comes to the choices of others--we must let others make their own choices, just as we can make our own choices as to what is best for us. I have decided to step back and put myself, my life, and my relationship with my husband first. What will be will be. Either she will find a way to beat this, or she won't. I am trying to take comfort in the fact that she is in the best hands (long story--she went to rehab and voluntarily left it last week, and then was taken to a mental facility yesterday)--I have mentally handed her over to the doctors and professionals who can help her and hope that they will.
Take care of yourself and your husband...and let your sister make her own choices. Detach with love ("I love you, and I always will...I hope you can find a way to beat this").
Sending you hugs and good thoughts.
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