How do you keep from thinking about something you don't want to think about?
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Miles from Nowhere
Posts: 396
How do you keep from thinking about something you don't want to think about? This has happened to me before, most recently with work-related issues—co-workers or something else that’s bugging me about work—and it’s happening now.
In this case, it's a co-worker. Luckily I rarely see him, and don't have to interact with him much. But sometimes I find myself thinking about this man, and things that bug me about him. I'll even be thinking about this stuff on the WEEKEND, when I'm not working.
You know how it is, when you keep telling yourself, "Don't think about him/her/it," that's exactly what your mind goes to.
Any suggestions?
In this case, it's a co-worker. Luckily I rarely see him, and don't have to interact with him much. But sometimes I find myself thinking about this man, and things that bug me about him. I'll even be thinking about this stuff on the WEEKEND, when I'm not working.
You know how it is, when you keep telling yourself, "Don't think about him/her/it," that's exactly what your mind goes to.
Any suggestions?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
If I'm at home, I pull out one of my favorite books and lose myself in another world/time/place. I have 4 that are my all-time favorites and I am (almost) always able to ignore the person taking up space rent-free in my mind for at least for a little bit.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Miles from Nowhere
Posts: 396
"Is what you are thinking about something that is causing you distress? Like, did he DO something to you that is stressing you out that you can't let go of? "
yes.
________________
yes.
________________
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Practice meditation. Over time, you will learn to refocus your mind to the present moment. Over time, you realize how silly it is to obsess over the past or worry about the future.
Of course, Zen Buddhism is the way to go for this, but I was raised Roman Catholic, and saying the rosary works every time. "You can only hold one thought in your mind at any time"--so finding tools that reinforce staying on the "good" track and off the "bad" track is key. The rosary is a meditative technique, but it has the added benefit of incorporating something tactile. Fingering the beads really helps you to focus. If you're not religious there are fairly generic "prayer beads" out there.
That's what I've learned, anyway.
Of course, Zen Buddhism is the way to go for this, but I was raised Roman Catholic, and saying the rosary works every time. "You can only hold one thought in your mind at any time"--so finding tools that reinforce staying on the "good" track and off the "bad" track is key. The rosary is a meditative technique, but it has the added benefit of incorporating something tactile. Fingering the beads really helps you to focus. If you're not religious there are fairly generic "prayer beads" out there.
That's what I've learned, anyway.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
When I read your post, I thought of a saying I heard listening to "The Secret".
It is "What we resist persists", in the process of googling to find out the author, Carl Jung, as it turns out, I found an interesting article. It's off a website called Clarity by Lana Kravtsova.
Others may benefit as well, so here it is:
What You Resist Persists + How To Stop Resisting
Neutrality is not a new concept. Lost your job? Neutral. Marriage sucks? Neutral. Found the love of your life? Neutral. It’s all neutral. It’s all just an experience.
Your mind gives “good” or “bad” interpretation to it, but ultimately…neutral.
What are you resisting in your life now?
You know that what you resist persists. We all know that.
Theoretically sounds great – just stop resisting the situation. Be in it. Accept it and see it dissolve on its own.
Stop worrying about money. Stop worrying about your marriage. Stop worrying about – how much longer I am going to be here. Here… where I don’t want to be anymore.
When will Change come? Easily and effortlessly. Preferably without me doing the hard work.
My divorce has been going on forever already. I am so ready to be over with it. But it doesn’t seem to end any time soon. How do you not resist something like this?
The thing is – it won’t end until I accept Here and Now. Until I stop resisting. Hard work might not be necessary but dropping resistance is.
Sometimes it might happen naturally – when you are resisting something for too long, eventually you’ll get tired. You’ll say – who cares. But it might take awhile to get to that point. Often it works faster to consciously decide to stop resisting.
“When you surrender and stop resisting and stop trying to change that which you can’t change, but be in the moment, be fully open to the blessings you’ve already received and those that are yet to come & stand in that space of gratitude … and look at where you are and how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished …- when you can claim THAT and SEE that, the literal vibration of your life will change.” Oprah
This quote goes perfectly with today’s post. Few things that help me to stop resistance are:
1. Compared to what?
Each time you notice yourself judging anything as good or bad, ask yourself – compared to what? I don’t like how my body looks. Compared to whose body? My relationship with my partner could be better. Compared to what? I don’t have enough money. Compared to what?
When you ask yourself those questions you realize that your good or bad are so relative. Then you realize that everything is neutral. Then you realize that you are doing much better than you thought. And then hopefully you stop resisting as much.
2. Physically relax into the situation that causes resistance.
Think of your situation. What do you resist? What are you unhappy with? Feel the resistance and tension in your body. Now breathe into it. And relax.
3. Most importantly stop resisting your own resistance. I’ve done that for awhile. If you are already resisting a lot and the situation really sucks (according to your mind’s interpretation, of course… but still), admit it. Claim it. Say that it sucks. And that you hate it. And wish it was over …like RIGHT now.
Only after that do steps 1 and 2. Denial is not necessary.
And then keep reminding yourself that everything is just an experience.
Look back at your life. I bet you’ll remember many situations when what looked not so good at the time turned out to be for the best after all. It truly is all for the best. There is a lesson in everything. The one that will bring you closer to who you are meant to be.
Stop resisting. Let go.
Hope this helps.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
It is "What we resist persists", in the process of googling to find out the author, Carl Jung, as it turns out, I found an interesting article. It's off a website called Clarity by Lana Kravtsova.
Others may benefit as well, so here it is:
What You Resist Persists + How To Stop Resisting
Neutrality is not a new concept. Lost your job? Neutral. Marriage sucks? Neutral. Found the love of your life? Neutral. It’s all neutral. It’s all just an experience.
Your mind gives “good” or “bad” interpretation to it, but ultimately…neutral.
What are you resisting in your life now?
You know that what you resist persists. We all know that.
Theoretically sounds great – just stop resisting the situation. Be in it. Accept it and see it dissolve on its own.
Stop worrying about money. Stop worrying about your marriage. Stop worrying about – how much longer I am going to be here. Here… where I don’t want to be anymore.
When will Change come? Easily and effortlessly. Preferably without me doing the hard work.
My divorce has been going on forever already. I am so ready to be over with it. But it doesn’t seem to end any time soon. How do you not resist something like this?
The thing is – it won’t end until I accept Here and Now. Until I stop resisting. Hard work might not be necessary but dropping resistance is.
Sometimes it might happen naturally – when you are resisting something for too long, eventually you’ll get tired. You’ll say – who cares. But it might take awhile to get to that point. Often it works faster to consciously decide to stop resisting.
“When you surrender and stop resisting and stop trying to change that which you can’t change, but be in the moment, be fully open to the blessings you’ve already received and those that are yet to come & stand in that space of gratitude … and look at where you are and how far you’ve come and what you’ve accomplished …- when you can claim THAT and SEE that, the literal vibration of your life will change.” Oprah
This quote goes perfectly with today’s post. Few things that help me to stop resistance are:
1. Compared to what?
Each time you notice yourself judging anything as good or bad, ask yourself – compared to what? I don’t like how my body looks. Compared to whose body? My relationship with my partner could be better. Compared to what? I don’t have enough money. Compared to what?
When you ask yourself those questions you realize that your good or bad are so relative. Then you realize that everything is neutral. Then you realize that you are doing much better than you thought. And then hopefully you stop resisting as much.
2. Physically relax into the situation that causes resistance.
Think of your situation. What do you resist? What are you unhappy with? Feel the resistance and tension in your body. Now breathe into it. And relax.
3. Most importantly stop resisting your own resistance. I’ve done that for awhile. If you are already resisting a lot and the situation really sucks (according to your mind’s interpretation, of course… but still), admit it. Claim it. Say that it sucks. And that you hate it. And wish it was over …like RIGHT now.
Only after that do steps 1 and 2. Denial is not necessary.
And then keep reminding yourself that everything is just an experience.
Look back at your life. I bet you’ll remember many situations when what looked not so good at the time turned out to be for the best after all. It truly is all for the best. There is a lesson in everything. The one that will bring you closer to who you are meant to be.
Stop resisting. Let go.
Hope this helps.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Climbing hills, flying down...
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 565
A wise member on here once told me, "so and so is not paying rent to live in your head, so banish him/her from it". What works for me: laughter (movies, sitcoms, good books, NPR's programs "Wait, wait...Don't Tell Me!" or "Car Talk"); exercise (looooong bike rides, yoga).
If it is a case of some form of harassment at work, report this guy to your superior ASAP. Harassment comes in many forms, some more subtle than others; you don't have to work in a hostile environment.
If it is a case of some form of harassment at work, report this guy to your superior ASAP. Harassment comes in many forms, some more subtle than others; you don't have to work in a hostile environment.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 385
Originally Posted by kudzujean 
This has happened to me before, most recently with work-related issues—co-workers or something else that’s bugging me about work—and it’s happening now.
In this case, it's a co-worker. Luckily I rarely see him, and don't have to interact with him much. But sometimes I find myself thinking about this man, and things that bug me about him. I'll even be thinking about this stuff on the WEEKEND, when I'm not working.
You know how it is, when you keep telling yourself, "Don't think about him/her/it," that's exactly what your mind goes to.
Any suggestions?
In this case, it's a co-worker. Luckily I rarely see him, and don't have to interact with him much. But sometimes I find myself thinking about this man, and things that bug me about him. I'll even be thinking about this stuff on the WEEKEND, when I'm not working.
You know how it is, when you keep telling yourself, "Don't think about him/her/it," that's exactly what your mind goes to.
Any suggestions?
After a while, by using various spiritual tools, many of which were offered by AA, I moved out of the problem and into the solution, out of the fear and self loathing and into the love and inner peace. Any time I am feeling upset or uncomfortable, I assume that it's about me, not something "out there." I've learned to pray for willingness to "see this differently." "God make me willing" has become my mantra to change my focus from fear to love, from ego to god. Dr. Paul O's story in the BB (Acceptance was the answer" in the 4th ed., "Dr. Addict, Alcohoolic in the 3rd") helped me enormously.
Until I was ready to let go of the problem, I couldn't live in the solution, which is why we say "Let go, Let God." The letting go always comes first.
blessings
zenbear
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