transformyself

Thanks Lexi

I've left this guy millions of time, and I know it's not the lack of drama driving me back. When I leave and it's MY choice, I don't miss the drama. In fact, this drama is one of the motivating factors for me to end it. My withdrawal is mainly, at this point, anger then sadness. Hell, I've been through crazy seperations from him-three formal, one where he lived with his affair partner 8 blocks away from me.

The withdrawal and breaking up part is getting easier. When he had the affair I was jacked up! Lost 30 pounds. I sort of miss THOSE days...looked freaking great for sure.
No, it's the going back part that's the hardest. I agonized, and had to work very hard to deceive myself, over trying again with him.

I work in the social justice/political arena, and there is more than enough drama from that. I hate it actually, can't wait to do something mainstream and normal, even though I love my work and believe in the movement 150%. Still, I'm relieved at the end of the day to have a calm environment.

transformyself

Cymbal- so sweet. Your kindness, and that of others here too, is honestly appreciated.

Jadmack I'm delighted to hear/see you. What's a DOC?

suki44883

DOC = Drug of Choice

transformyself

Crap! I've been overeating too, and I'm certian that's one of my DOC. Ugh. Back to the sweat lodge and yoga I go..

DMC

I'm guessing "Drug of Choice."

That mantra was my autopilot. Even when I was really weak and just wanted to tell him it would be ok, I made myself say it. Even when I was questioning or doubting... it made me stronger.

Hang in there Transformie (and you too tjp)

TakingCharge999

have you checked out the The Death Clock - When Am I Going To Die? ? a little bit obscure but when you see the clock ticking backwards you realize that no, you won't be around forever, the time here in this planet is finite and shorter than we think...

I hope you find your answers... cymbal summed up my problem too, it boils down to believing I do not deserve better now excuse me while I go cry that old issue of mine that I have no idea how to heal !! oh btw my ex therapist said the same... that we are always alone...

TakingCharge999

PSI also find peace when I think of doing what I am doing in the moment without needing to solve everything at once. Good luck with the move, it sure is a good workout!