OT - Child Support Rant
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by tjp613 
Jadmack - That cannot possibly be a photo of government workers because they appear to be actually WORKING.
I think this is more representative of a government worker:
I think this is more representative of a government worker:
And, as a 'government worker' who works in the court system, I can assure you that most of the problems people have with the courts are due to asinine laws passed by people in ivory towers who have no idea how they affect real people in the real world.
Sorry for the hijack. Can we please direct our anger at the people who are messing with noday, and not every person who works for the government?
L
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
THANK YOU! i too am a state government employee for 24 years (responsible for mentoring senior medical students through surgical requirements so they can become responsible physicians).
I also teach them ETHICS and we stress the importance of integrity.
I did try to send a PM, but didn't receive an answer or apology for the rude post.
I also teach them ETHICS and we stress the importance of integrity.
I did try to send a PM, but didn't receive an answer or apology for the rude post.
aboutdone
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midwest
Posts: 191
NoDay,
So sorry you have to deal with this crap.
It amazes me the stuff we have to deal with, when we are the ones trying our best to do the right thing by our children.
I recently spent $1000 on atty fees for a child support modification for an increase. I met ALL the guidelines, it had been 3 years, age brackets, and income level change. I was awarded the mod, and 30 days later the XH filed to have it reduced. The judge told him no, yet I had to pay again for that.
I had to personally figure out where he was working, find the home office address and give the info to my atty to start an IWO. Only to have the XH change his deductions and still 5 months later not paying anything more than what he payed before. Then he took away our 16 yr olds car he bought her for her birthday, and cut the younger ones off from anything such as eating out while they were with him, claiming he can no longer afford it, when the entire time he hasn't payed anything toward the increase.
I am in the process of filing enforcement in the state I live in, as well as the state he works in. I have to go to the courthouse everytime and make copies of the whole lot of divorce decrees and judgements since.
Thankfully, I live in a small town, and the court house ladies here are wonderful and so helpful.
It is ridiculous the crap we go through, but hang in there. Find your positive. Thankfully you found all this out before he did, and you have the ability to get the records all straightened out before anything was to come up other than child support, you know? I think it could be much worse if he was to find out that there isn't any file that says "divorced" at the moment. He could really cause a mess of things, so although it sucks it wasn't handled right the first time, at least you can get it fixed.
So sorry you have to deal with this crap.
It amazes me the stuff we have to deal with, when we are the ones trying our best to do the right thing by our children.
I recently spent $1000 on atty fees for a child support modification for an increase. I met ALL the guidelines, it had been 3 years, age brackets, and income level change. I was awarded the mod, and 30 days later the XH filed to have it reduced. The judge told him no, yet I had to pay again for that.
I had to personally figure out where he was working, find the home office address and give the info to my atty to start an IWO. Only to have the XH change his deductions and still 5 months later not paying anything more than what he payed before. Then he took away our 16 yr olds car he bought her for her birthday, and cut the younger ones off from anything such as eating out while they were with him, claiming he can no longer afford it, when the entire time he hasn't payed anything toward the increase.
I am in the process of filing enforcement in the state I live in, as well as the state he works in. I have to go to the courthouse everytime and make copies of the whole lot of divorce decrees and judgements since.
Thankfully, I live in a small town, and the court house ladies here are wonderful and so helpful.
It is ridiculous the crap we go through, but hang in there. Find your positive. Thankfully you found all this out before he did, and you have the ability to get the records all straightened out before anything was to come up other than child support, you know? I think it could be much worse if he was to find out that there isn't any file that says "divorced" at the moment. He could really cause a mess of things, so although it sucks it wasn't handled right the first time, at least you can get it fixed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Noday,
You are definitely up against it with this particular set of court employees. I applaud your ability to vent your frustrations in an appropriate way. While we rant and rave here, people who might otherwise feel our wrath in the real world, go unscathed. No, I am not saying violence is the only alternative, I just admit that were it not for a support system that includes this forum, I might actually be driven to madness leading to a sharp beat down upon those who make the average obstacles in my life that much harder to conquer.
From my experience, I have found that detachment works in these cases. I have to remind myself that I cannot control the rules that make up our society nor can I control how they are enforced, whether justly or not, but I can control how I respond when a complete derailment of my daily life occurs.
After months of trying to get acceptable documents to show my residency to my state's department of motor vehicles, I went into the local branch office to get my license AGAIN. I expected to be sent away as I had been before being told there was some technicallity I wasn't meeting, but I had to force myself to drop that notion. My documents would be approved or they wouldn't. I couldn't control the outcome so I had to just let it be what it would be.
And for the record, they were courteous, a little confused and had to look up their own list of acceptable documents to be sure, but entirely professional and polite and I did finally get my license and vehicle registration squared away. No more trying to dodge police with expired papers and begging my way out of a ticket. PHEW!
You hang in there Noday! It's just another day of hoop jumping. It will all get worked out.
Alice
You are definitely up against it with this particular set of court employees. I applaud your ability to vent your frustrations in an appropriate way. While we rant and rave here, people who might otherwise feel our wrath in the real world, go unscathed. No, I am not saying violence is the only alternative, I just admit that were it not for a support system that includes this forum, I might actually be driven to madness leading to a sharp beat down upon those who make the average obstacles in my life that much harder to conquer.
From my experience, I have found that detachment works in these cases. I have to remind myself that I cannot control the rules that make up our society nor can I control how they are enforced, whether justly or not, but I can control how I respond when a complete derailment of my daily life occurs.
After months of trying to get acceptable documents to show my residency to my state's department of motor vehicles, I went into the local branch office to get my license AGAIN. I expected to be sent away as I had been before being told there was some technicallity I wasn't meeting, but I had to force myself to drop that notion. My documents would be approved or they wouldn't. I couldn't control the outcome so I had to just let it be what it would be.
And for the record, they were courteous, a little confused and had to look up their own list of acceptable documents to be sure, but entirely professional and polite and I did finally get my license and vehicle registration squared away. No more trying to dodge police with expired papers and begging my way out of a ticket. PHEW!
You hang in there Noday! It's just another day of hoop jumping. It will all get worked out.
Alice
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I need to step in and just ask everyone to cool off a bit if you've taken offense. I believe the intent of the thread was to vent some frustration at bureaucracy in general and at a system that wasn't very user friendly for the OP.
Many of us poke fun at and also rant at various professions. We also do so towards alcoholics and addicts and other codies and anyone else who frustrates us. Sometimes it's taken as good fun, and sometimes it crosses the line. I'd ask everyone to think a bit before you post, and also to remember to not take things personally if they aren't personal.
This thread seems to be headed back around in a good direction. If it gets snippy or personal, I'll have to close it.
Remember, as they say in the closing at Al Anon, although you might not like all of us, you'll come to love us just as we already love you. Let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you one day at at time.
Cats
Forum Moderator
Many of us poke fun at and also rant at various professions. We also do so towards alcoholics and addicts and other codies and anyone else who frustrates us. Sometimes it's taken as good fun, and sometimes it crosses the line. I'd ask everyone to think a bit before you post, and also to remember to not take things personally if they aren't personal.
This thread seems to be headed back around in a good direction. If it gets snippy or personal, I'll have to close it.
Remember, as they say in the closing at Al Anon, although you might not like all of us, you'll come to love us just as we already love you. Let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you one day at at time.
Cats
Forum Moderator
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Alice (and everyone else)...thank you for allowing me to vent my silly frustrations. I hope I didn't insult / anger anyone with my ranting. If so, I'm sorry!
IRL I write to my friend or talk to my parents, we utter a few choice québécois swear words and that's it. There's no desire to go "show'em who's boss" and march myself down there with a huge attitude to yell at some unsuspecting clerk who has no clue what's going on; I saw quite enough of that being married to XAH.
In the end, I know you're right. Just detach. Be persistent. Perhaps talk to a different clerk at a different department and eventually, someday, somehow, it'll go through.
I do however relish the opportunity to use a different set of emoticons because I so rarely face such challenging administrative barriers in my life!
Today's mandate: call the courthouse back and PRAY that someone found something in the judge's chambers!
IRL I write to my friend or talk to my parents, we utter a few choice québécois swear words and that's it. There's no desire to go "show'em who's boss" and march myself down there with a huge attitude to yell at some unsuspecting clerk who has no clue what's going on; I saw quite enough of that being married to XAH.
In the end, I know you're right. Just detach. Be persistent. Perhaps talk to a different clerk at a different department and eventually, someday, somehow, it'll go through.
I do however relish the opportunity to use a different set of emoticons because I so rarely face such challenging administrative barriers in my life!
Today's mandate: call the courthouse back and PRAY that someone found something in the judge's chambers!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Good for you noday!!
You're a shining example of acceptance and detachment in action. You've vented your frustration, sought experience, strength, and hope from others and received it, and you have formulated a productive and healthy plan to keep moving forward to your goal.
BRAVO!!
Keep shining!
Alice
You're a shining example of acceptance and detachment in action. You've vented your frustration, sought experience, strength, and hope from others and received it, and you have formulated a productive and healthy plan to keep moving forward to your goal.
BRAVO!!
Keep shining!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I was actually told by family court that they do not talk with child support-huh? So I am always the monkey in the middle.
I know this sounds absurd--but it does happen. IF they cannot find it perhaps you could suggest they look at the other cases that were heard that day and kindly suggest that maybe it got misfiled. I have always found (although sometimes very hard to take) that you can catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. I always try my hardest to try to get someone on my side who will really make the effort to go above and beyond. That is how I found out that my attorney had never filed several things. He had them--he had just never filed them with the court. But I needed someone to go into the judges chamber and get the file. It all became crystal clear why a, b, c, d, e and f were going on because the things in the file were actually wrong and the things that he should have filed never made it to the file (like stbxah being served--that is a bit important!) or the order for child support or the corrected order to correct the original child support order that he wrote incorrectly.
Then once I had someone who would help I asked who I could talk to who might be able to sort out the whole mess--she said the judge and that is when she suggested I write out the whole sorry mess and fax it to the judge. Which I did and then he fixed the mess.
Good luck and hope you eventually get to the person who can set this straight for you. Do you know anyone who works in or with the court system--never hurts to have someone who knows someone who can help you out.
I know this sounds absurd--but it does happen. IF they cannot find it perhaps you could suggest they look at the other cases that were heard that day and kindly suggest that maybe it got misfiled. I have always found (although sometimes very hard to take) that you can catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. I always try my hardest to try to get someone on my side who will really make the effort to go above and beyond. That is how I found out that my attorney had never filed several things. He had them--he had just never filed them with the court. But I needed someone to go into the judges chamber and get the file. It all became crystal clear why a, b, c, d, e and f were going on because the things in the file were actually wrong and the things that he should have filed never made it to the file (like stbxah being served--that is a bit important!) or the order for child support or the corrected order to correct the original child support order that he wrote incorrectly.
Then once I had someone who would help I asked who I could talk to who might be able to sort out the whole mess--she said the judge and that is when she suggested I write out the whole sorry mess and fax it to the judge. Which I did and then he fixed the mess.
Good luck and hope you eventually get to the person who can set this straight for you. Do you know anyone who works in or with the court system--never hurts to have someone who knows someone who can help you out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
The FINAL UPDATE (at least I hope)
3 is definitely a charm in my case. It took 3 separate calls to 3 different clerks to finally get an answer about my file. That 3rd clerk connected me with 3 different departments and on the 3rd try, I spoke to the woman whose job it is to update files. She found mine at the bottom of her tall pile and oh miracle of all miracles...she found the judgments in it! Wheee!
Because I was SOOO nice to her, she promised to do mine next and to have my documents sent off to the Child Support Office on Monday.
YAY for persistence!
Now I have to work on patience because it'll be anotehr 4 to 6 weeks before things get rolling.
WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Because I was SOOO nice to her, she promised to do mine next and to have my documents sent off to the Child Support Office on Monday.
YAY for persistence!
Now I have to work on patience because it'll be anotehr 4 to 6 weeks before things get rolling.
WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
BRAVO NODAY!!!!
Persistence and a little dose of sugar was all it really took. The good news is, the next time you are up against a frustrating obstacle, you will find yourself spending a lot less time feeling all that negative energy and more time feeling the positive energy that gets results a heck of a lot faster.
Now it's on the back burner and you move on to something fun with DD. Yay!
Alice
Persistence and a little dose of sugar was all it really took. The good news is, the next time you are up against a frustrating obstacle, you will find yourself spending a lot less time feeling all that negative energy and more time feeling the positive energy that gets results a heck of a lot faster.
Now it's on the back burner and you move on to something fun with DD. Yay!
Alice
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
