Kassie2

Don't mean to highjack your thread tigger, but bookworm's entry got to me.

I too am doing all the right things and am still depressed much of the time. Planned to just wait it out. But the part from bookworm's post reminded me of something I have been trying to tell others about me. I know part of that life is a series of comings and goings - that things can't go back to the way they were - etc. I got through many things in my life recognizing this. But my problem this time is that I am just plain too tired to keep reinventing myself. I am tired of going through change - (there isn't much that I could do I haven't done) I am tired of people not staying in my life - and I don't see any point personally in this life for me at this point. Don't know where to go at this point. I have a job where I am very active at helping others which is a great rewarding feeling at the time - I do good for others - but the spark in me has gone out.

And Tigger - I feel stupid saying this too but I am still in love with my husband and want him back - but I can't live with the way he is - can't live with him - can't live without him. Feels dumb I know. Feel for you, hope this didn't make it worse. Just wanted you to hear that others going through it too. Your post actually helped me to see that I am not the only one going through it.

tigger11

Oh Bookwyrm - you hit so many cords! First, "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. I haven't read the book to which you referred, but the poem is my absolute favorite. In fact, on FB, I have it listed in my "favorites". My mum read it to me as a child, and later I memorized it. For those who don't know it, here it is:

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

***
That last line gets me every time - ... and that has made ALL the difference! WOW!

Kassie - I'm right there with you, Babe. That's exactly how I feel. Here's to hoping that Bookwyrm's wisdom hits us both soon, and we can start the process of re-growing ourselves in new and better ways. I want to feel better! I WANT TO BE BETTER!

The other cord you hit on, Bookwyrm, is the thought of pruning. The Bible talks about that. Something about the tree that had to be pruned back so there was hardly anything left. I've seen that done. A fruit tree, for example. One year it's laden with fruit so that its branches touch the ground. The problem is, the branches are too thin and not strong enough to hold the fruit until it's completely ripe, so the fruit hits the ground and rots before anybody can pick it and use it for enjoyment and nutrition. So it is with us. Sometimes we have to have all our branches cut back so that we're barely more than a dead looking stump in the ground. But the next year... oh my goodness... spring comes and branches spring up and grow at a great rate, this year stronger and more healthy than any year before. It was a good tree... now it's a GREAT tree, and it bears fruit that can be enjoyed.

My spirits aren't exactly lifted, but I have something to think about as I go through this. Think I'll re-memorize "The Road Not Taken" too.

I love this forum (tearing up). No I don't go to AlAnon. I did the obligatory number of meetings, probably more, and it just didn't cut it for me. But this forum is my lifeline. I love it, and you... each and every one. Thank you!