Blame
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 25
Blame
I was just reading a post on here and someone had mentioned blame. This stirred up some anger in me .. the whole blame game.
I blamed all of my Abfs problems on alcoholism. I blamed his family for not seeing that he had a problem. I blamed his employer for not seeing it. I blamed his friends for not helping him. I blamed everyone ... but him.
In the last 9 days of no contact, I actually blamed myself for his not trying to contact me on the fact that I blocked him from emailing and calling me. I actually blamed myself???!!!
The truth is, HE is to blame for all his woes. HE is to blame for not seeking help for himself. HE is to blame for his financial troubles, and loneliness, and failed relationships. HE is to blame for not taking his stint in rehab as an opportunity to get away from the black cloud he lives under. I could go on endlessly. He makes his own choices.
The lack of accountability for people with addictions is unreal. We continue to blame the wrong things and bail people out. I have done it myself countless times. All I need to do to get a reality check is to view some of our posts. I will no longer let "HIS" business suck the life out of me.
I blamed all of my Abfs problems on alcoholism. I blamed his family for not seeing that he had a problem. I blamed his employer for not seeing it. I blamed his friends for not helping him. I blamed everyone ... but him.
In the last 9 days of no contact, I actually blamed myself for his not trying to contact me on the fact that I blocked him from emailing and calling me. I actually blamed myself???!!!
The truth is, HE is to blame for all his woes. HE is to blame for not seeking help for himself. HE is to blame for his financial troubles, and loneliness, and failed relationships. HE is to blame for not taking his stint in rehab as an opportunity to get away from the black cloud he lives under. I could go on endlessly. He makes his own choices.
The lack of accountability for people with addictions is unreal. We continue to blame the wrong things and bail people out. I have done it myself countless times. All I need to do to get a reality check is to view some of our posts. I will no longer let "HIS" business suck the life out of me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 25
To respond to the above comments...
I guess my point was that there is no reason to blame anyone - and waste useless energy. We make our own choices. The post was allowing me to vent.
He is not my current boyfriend ... it ended over 3 weeks ago. I mourn the loss of his "potential"; but I am moving forward.
I guess my point was that there is no reason to blame anyone - and waste useless energy. We make our own choices. The post was allowing me to vent.
He is not my current boyfriend ... it ended over 3 weeks ago. I mourn the loss of his "potential"; but I am moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
Blame or responsibility?
It's important to properly assign responsibility. Too often people who are not responsible feel responsible. Interesting how a choice of a word places a value judgment. If we call it responsibility, it sounds good. If we call it blame it's negative.
Alkies are good at this.
Spouse: "It's your responsibility to find transportation to work. You got the DUI, not me."
Alkie: "You are always blaming me."
Spouse feels guilty for 'blaming'. Yes, it's important to put blame in the right place. Just not to dwell in it.
It's important to properly assign responsibility. Too often people who are not responsible feel responsible. Interesting how a choice of a word places a value judgment. If we call it responsibility, it sounds good. If we call it blame it's negative.
Alkies are good at this.
Spouse: "It's your responsibility to find transportation to work. You got the DUI, not me."
Alkie: "You are always blaming me."
Spouse feels guilty for 'blaming'. Yes, it's important to put blame in the right place. Just not to dwell in it.
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