Kind_Not_Weak

I guess it's finally moving forward, this healing process. Because I AM MAD!!! It's been nine days of no contact... a drop in the bucket, I know. But I have to say how it's amazing to know that once I leave the office, there is no way he can contact me. I breathe a sigh of relief every time I get in my car to go home. I feel like I have all this brain space that is opened up since I'm not having all those conversations in my head with him.

But tonight... I AM MAD AT HIM! For all the lies, lies and more lies. For all the manipulation. All of it.

So, instead of calling him and lashing out and breaking no contact and setting myself back... I am posting here.

I want to just say to him...

"How dare you? I trusted you with everything and you betrayed that trust! How could you? I told you things I've never told anyone before, I stayed when others walked away. I listened to you, comforted you... I was good to you and you threw it all away? For what?

You talk all your talk about loyalty and honesty... but you don't live it. You say you are working your program and finally feel peaceful... I wonder how you sleep at night!!! You clearly have a disconnect in your brain when it comes to conscience. You lied to my face, lied and lied and lied... and then told me you loved me. How does someone do that? And be so damn good at it??? It's scary, really. And pathetic. You're pathetic. You have absolutely no chance of being truly sober and finding happiness while you continue this. But guess what? That's not my problem anymore. I won't be there when your train wreck of a life goes off the rails again, and for that... I am eternally grateful. You're not hurting my chances at happiness anymore, but you're disfiguring your own.

I don't know if I love you anymore, but if I do, I know I won't for much longer. I wish you well, baby... but loving you was absolute hell."

Well, that's some of it anyway... whew. So angry.

Katfshh

Wow! Did I write that? You said everything I would have said. Why are they all the same??? I don't understand. And next time, How do we know, how do we ever trust again????? Kudos to you for saying it here, and not to him. Won't matter to him anyway, huh? ugh. Great job, sister!!

mrphillipctrs1

Kim! Most excellent. I feel like I know him already, well I do, he is just the same is my XAGF.

Starburst

Well done! don't you feel much better, able to write it all out, you can even come back and look at it, change it, and hopefully feeling a whole lot better for being strong and having ''no contact'', you are doing well and healing will come, you just have to get all this out of your system, forgive and move on. We are the only ones who are in charge of our happiness. Keep positive and keep posting. Hugs

Mataleao

Hahahaaa...I love the disconnect in your brain part.