I did it!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 14
I did it!!!
I finally did it! I left him on Fathers Day evening. And nothing special was even happening, except some yelling. He yelled at me that I should at least pay some bills while I'm in the internet all day long and something snapped. So I payed his two months of overdue car insurance bills, which left him 50$ on bank account, packed a bag and my laptop, took the baby and sneaked out from back door and back gate while he was sitting on the front porch. Went to the hotel lobby next door and called my friend to pick me up.
I've been at my friend's house since then. Last week was ugly, he started to call me and leave nasty voice mails since I didn't answer his calls. Called me every cussing word he knows, bitching about how I stole his money and child. Even told his parents that. Told our neighbor that I threw away his weed. Called the police and tried to file the report about me kidnapping the child. Started locking the doors (we never used to do that and I never even had the key) so that I wouldn't get in the house to get the rest of my stuff. I called his parents and let them know what was going on. They were glad to hear from me and seemed to understand. I guess they talked to him after that, because when I went to the house the next day, the doors were wide open (I said that if I can't get in there I'm forced to call the police). But then he showed up of course coming from work 2 pm, started yelling and cussing, he left though when I started dialing 911. And I had to take the dog too although I didn't plan on that until I get my own place to live. Then I sent him the letter in certified mail and with delivery confirmation mail where I explained shortly why it is impossible for me to live with him anymore, that I have no intention of leaving the country or even the city, have no intention of keeping his child from him, he can see her anytime he wants in some public place with me also there, i don't want his money (what money?) just some child support from him and that I wish to keep it as civil as possible, that he is not my enemy.
This Tuesday I got the phone call from his attorney, who asked me about every single thing I already wrote in the letter but said that AH hadn't got any letters. Which either the attorney lied about or AH lied to her about, because he got both of the letters the next day after I mailed them. So through the attorney we agreed to meet at the playground in the evening and he was supposed to bring our mutual friend with him. We did meet, but no friend came. It went well though, he was shaved and sober and very nice. I was reading the book and he played with daughter. He even brought me some money. So I guess either the attorney or his parents told him to clean up his act if he wants to be in his daughters life in the future. It was the first time though, we'll see how it goes once I'm ready to file for the divorce and full custody.
Right now I'm happy but also kinda scared of future. I'm looking for a job, no luck yet. Child daycare and housing is expensive here. I can't stay in my friends place much longer so I have to come up with something quick. I hope that things will start to work out for me soon.
Also thanks to everybody here for your support. Although I haven't been writing much, I have been reading the posts here almost every day. Lot of good advice in these and I hope that other people in trouble will get the courage and support to change their lives too.
I've been at my friend's house since then. Last week was ugly, he started to call me and leave nasty voice mails since I didn't answer his calls. Called me every cussing word he knows, bitching about how I stole his money and child. Even told his parents that. Told our neighbor that I threw away his weed. Called the police and tried to file the report about me kidnapping the child. Started locking the doors (we never used to do that and I never even had the key) so that I wouldn't get in the house to get the rest of my stuff. I called his parents and let them know what was going on. They were glad to hear from me and seemed to understand. I guess they talked to him after that, because when I went to the house the next day, the doors were wide open (I said that if I can't get in there I'm forced to call the police). But then he showed up of course coming from work 2 pm, started yelling and cussing, he left though when I started dialing 911. And I had to take the dog too although I didn't plan on that until I get my own place to live. Then I sent him the letter in certified mail and with delivery confirmation mail where I explained shortly why it is impossible for me to live with him anymore, that I have no intention of leaving the country or even the city, have no intention of keeping his child from him, he can see her anytime he wants in some public place with me also there, i don't want his money (what money?) just some child support from him and that I wish to keep it as civil as possible, that he is not my enemy.
This Tuesday I got the phone call from his attorney, who asked me about every single thing I already wrote in the letter but said that AH hadn't got any letters. Which either the attorney lied about or AH lied to her about, because he got both of the letters the next day after I mailed them. So through the attorney we agreed to meet at the playground in the evening and he was supposed to bring our mutual friend with him. We did meet, but no friend came. It went well though, he was shaved and sober and very nice. I was reading the book and he played with daughter. He even brought me some money. So I guess either the attorney or his parents told him to clean up his act if he wants to be in his daughters life in the future. It was the first time though, we'll see how it goes once I'm ready to file for the divorce and full custody.
Right now I'm happy but also kinda scared of future. I'm looking for a job, no luck yet. Child daycare and housing is expensive here. I can't stay in my friends place much longer so I have to come up with something quick. I hope that things will start to work out for me soon.
Also thanks to everybody here for your support. Although I haven't been writing much, I have been reading the posts here almost every day. Lot of good advice in these and I hope that other people in trouble will get the courage and support to change their lives too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
I did it!!!!!!
How wonderful that you had the courage to keep you & your daughter safe for the time being. I did the same thing only I stayed in our home until school got out for my 7 year old daughter. My lawyer filed a paper with the court stating the circumstances & so my H could not come to the house, could not pick our daughter up at school or daycare & was supposed to pay the housepayments until the divorce was final. When I sold the house his share all went to the back payments he hadn't paid. :rotfxko
When I got home from work I would call my parents & then unplug the phone. He was calling constantly begging me not to divorce him. He had been arrested but wasn't in jail yet since he had to be in a special part of the jail which was full at the time.
Four years later he was allowed to talk on the phone or come visit his daughter if SHE wanted to see him. I also supervised the visits but would never advise anyone to do it unless they felt okay about the safety of their children. I had so much hatred for my H that it really messed with my brain everytime he came to visit which wasn't often because I moved across the State from him where two of my older children lived.
I guess my "anger" was a blessing at this time because he controlled me all the years we were married & put me down so much that I did not have any inner strength left.
Good luck to you & look into assistance. I was eligible for a Pell Grant so didn't have to pay a penny for my BA Degree in Psychology. Also, there are loans available but I didn't get any because I didn't want to owe big bucks when I graduated when I did not have any idea what kind of job I would get yet.
kelsh
When I got home from work I would call my parents & then unplug the phone. He was calling constantly begging me not to divorce him. He had been arrested but wasn't in jail yet since he had to be in a special part of the jail which was full at the time.
Four years later he was allowed to talk on the phone or come visit his daughter if SHE wanted to see him. I also supervised the visits but would never advise anyone to do it unless they felt okay about the safety of their children. I had so much hatred for my H that it really messed with my brain everytime he came to visit which wasn't often because I moved across the State from him where two of my older children lived.
I guess my "anger" was a blessing at this time because he controlled me all the years we were married & put me down so much that I did not have any inner strength left.
Good luck to you & look into assistance. I was eligible for a Pell Grant so didn't have to pay a penny for my BA Degree in Psychology. Also, there are loans available but I didn't get any because I didn't want to owe big bucks when I graduated when I did not have any idea what kind of job I would get yet.
kelsh
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
beatrix it took a lot of strength to do what you did--good for you.
Just because he was nice the first visit--well, you know what he is like and he may be able to white knuckle it but unless he starts getting some help--well, stay safe and do what you need to do to keep you and your child safe.
Do you have an attorney? Do not forget that his attorney is there to represent HIS best interest--not yours. So he may very well have told him to clean up his act--but that may be to prepare for court. I hate to sound so jaded but I have seen this pattern with stbxah. Goes totally whacko on me and then is Mr. Nice. The week I fired my lame attorney and hired one with a spine of steel-well I guess his lawyer told him the easy days were over because that week he finally got an apartment and started looking for a job. Last week he was whining at me because he will not have any health insurance after the divorce. I am far enough along that I did not sudddenly offer him up a plate of insurance in the form of a legal separation instead of a divorce. I simply said--gee, I told you I would file for a separation a year ago so you would have health insurance and your response was F you and your F'ing health insurance.
His spots won't change permanantly until he does something to make that happen. Until then, take care of yourself. Get your own attorney--if you cannot afford one look for places that provide free legal services. There a lots of attorneys that will do pro bono work.
In the meantime--be proud of how strong you are. Your child is lucky to have such a great mom.
Just because he was nice the first visit--well, you know what he is like and he may be able to white knuckle it but unless he starts getting some help--well, stay safe and do what you need to do to keep you and your child safe.
Do you have an attorney? Do not forget that his attorney is there to represent HIS best interest--not yours. So he may very well have told him to clean up his act--but that may be to prepare for court. I hate to sound so jaded but I have seen this pattern with stbxah. Goes totally whacko on me and then is Mr. Nice. The week I fired my lame attorney and hired one with a spine of steel-well I guess his lawyer told him the easy days were over because that week he finally got an apartment and started looking for a job. Last week he was whining at me because he will not have any health insurance after the divorce. I am far enough along that I did not sudddenly offer him up a plate of insurance in the form of a legal separation instead of a divorce. I simply said--gee, I told you I would file for a separation a year ago so you would have health insurance and your response was F you and your F'ing health insurance.
His spots won't change permanantly until he does something to make that happen. Until then, take care of yourself. Get your own attorney--if you cannot afford one look for places that provide free legal services. There a lots of attorneys that will do pro bono work.
In the meantime--be proud of how strong you are. Your child is lucky to have such a great mom.
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