spinwc

I feel alittle lost today. I reread Codependent No More and had a thereapy session today and my head is spinning.

Do you guys feel like you have lost who you are? Thats how I feel. Between losing all this weight, shallow friends, XABF, and a non supportive mother, I feel like I am beating my head against the same brick wall over and over again. I just cant seem to get out of this funk I am in.

Maybe I am just PMS'n...I dont know! it sucks!

HealingWillCome

Yes, after my divorce 10 years ago, it hit me that I had given so much to XAH that I was gone, MIA. It took me a couple of years to get back to that place where I felt like I was myself again...reclaiming/rebuilding some of my best lifelong friendships, making new friends that I wouldn't have with him around, buying a house and moving into a neighborhood that he wouldn't have liked because he liked living in the country, going to events I wouldn't have with him, watching TV/movies and listening to music that I didn't with him... Wow, that sounds kind of pathetic when I think about how much I had given up!!!

At least with my recent XABF I had learned from my marriage, and I WASN'T willing to give up all of those things. I still did my thing and enjoyed it. What it boiled down to for XABF and me was party life vs. family life. Drugs/alcohol vs. people/relationships. He hid the addictions for a long time. When I realized how serious things were, I knew I couldn't be a part of it anymore and left the relationship. It still felt like rejection by a man I chose to love, and that's why I am here, trying to learn what made me choose him and how to heal myself. Got a little off track there...sorry.

Yes, losing who we are is part of what happens when we give and give and give to the ones we choose to love. But lost things can be found...they are not gone forever!!! Hang in there! Baby steps add up.

lulu1974

Oh yes and I have realized since it took such a long time to lose myself it will be a while before I really find myself. I do Alanon worksheets every day that ask questions about my behavior and some step work and I pay attention to my body and gut and am basically learning to realize who I am again. Its certainly a process and journey. There are a lot of good suggestions on how to get to know oneself and I can say journaling has been helpful and posting here. Be patient with youself it will take some time but slowly the fog will lift!
Hugs
Lulu

bookwyrm

I was so lost too. I'm starting to discover just who I am now - it can be fun!

spinwc

I am having a really bad day today. I feel really down and depressed. I hate feeling this way.
Do you ever notice that you can be strong for others but no for yourself? I mean, I can offer my two cents to people on here, but I cant seem to dig myself out of my own hole.

PieRat

Spin, You are having a bad day...Tis too shall pass.

((hugs))

Bolina

I thought I was lost for about 5 years and still do more days than not. In truth, I had been lost for a lot longer than that.

This is normal, I think. It's all part of the process and if you keep working at it, then things will start to get clearer.

spinwc

Thats just it-I dont know what to do. I am in therapy, read the book, get on here, Alanon. I seem to feel worse.

Bolina

That's part of the process too, I'm afraid. Like mining for gold, you gotta hack through a lot of worthless rock to get the precious stuff.

Freedom1990

How about a walk around the block, or just doing some window-shopping? Bubblebath maybe?

There are days I just need a break from being so focused on recovery, and relax.

One of my favorite things is to grab some cheap cereal, go down to the park and feed the geese and ducks.

:ghug3

Erica1972

I have found myself feeling a bit lost the last couple of days...I can't tell you how to fix it...I can''t seem to fix myself right now...But you aren't alone...if that means anything. It's a comfort knowing that others have survived what I'm going through...

spinwc

I hate sitting around constantly having this feeling eating away at me. It seems like the negative people in my life (mom, XABF) just go on with life. She is not supportive at all and he is out living it up, going out with friends, dating, my friends are married with kids and the few single friends I have want to go hang in a bar. And here I sit. Alone. Depressed. Thats how I feel today.

I cant stand this "feeling sorry for myself" stage I am in. Cant get out of it.