mrphillipctrs1

During my grief process I have experienced my feelings for the first time in a long time.

Most of it was denial and saddness, but tonight it changed................

I am in my ANGER STAGE!!!!!!!!!

I can't find my Al Anon's sponsor's number. I need help, I want to express my feelings, but I don't feel like let go, and Let God, at this moment.

I am feeling extremely vendictive.

Help with responses please.

spinwc

Start typing...just type away to us and let it out. Dont hold back-we are here for ya!

LaTeeDa

What worked for me was a journal. In fact, I called it my "Book of Anger." It really helped to spew all that onto paper. Be sure to use lots of !!!!!!!!!!!!!'s and CAPS! Or even UNDERLINED CAPS!!! You can write anything and everything without worrying about hurting anyone's feelings.

And, if that doesn't get it all out, beat the crap out of a throw pillow or a stuffed animal.

Or put on some really loud music in the car and scream along with it. (Janis Joplin worked for me, lol).

Most of all, don't be angry at yourself for being angry. It's a human emotion and living with an A will undoubtedly bring it out!

L

HealingWillCome

I have used a journal many times also. I've written so hard on the pages that the ball-point dug right through three or four pages at once. I have screamed, cried and made sounds like a wild animal, and if I have had to release it when my kids are around, I have gone into my garage and climbed in my car, shut the door and let it out. They couldn't hear me, but I didn't have to leave them alone to wonder where I was going while I was upset.

Let it out here if you need to. People will listen and help.

aboutdone

Journaling helped me so much. I have a sharp tongue, and ALWAYS want the last word. Journaling made it easier for me, as I could get just as violent with the pen as I wanted and the paper just took it. Some nights I stayed up all night just writing down everything I had to say, and some days it was like my journal was my only friend in the world.

Standing in front of the mirror and saying everything I had to say helped too! I realized what an ugly person I was when I was raging. Of course I still rage a lil but I rehearse in front of the mirror to try to keep it in context. LOL.

Some say there are 5 stages to grief. Some claim 10. I am the type that can cycle thru all 5 stages of grief in a matter of a minute, over and over and over. Journaling really helped me with that too.

You can try it here.....just type whatever you want. Ramble on if you like. Whatever you do, get it out in a constructive way, and know that you are entitled to be upset.

mrphillipctrs1

I am so friggin mad at how she could just get drunk, pack up, leave, go shack up with another guy, lied to me for God knows how long, continue to lie to everyone in her life, leave a train wreck wherever she goes, blame everyone else for her lot in life, and cry all the time about not having her kids.

Now she thinks that this guy is the answer to her friggin' prayers, this guy went out and got her a 3BR 2Ba house, he knows she aint well, he knows she relapsed, he doesn't believe in a spiritual recovery.

She had supervised visitation at the rehab, court order and now she told her ex she is going to pick up the kids without one. She ofcourse did not tell him she left and said that it was just too hard to get one.

I am just sitting around waiting for her to fail and wish she would!

I know this is not right for me to think like this, but hey..

LaTeeDa

Well, that's a start, but I still think you need way more CAPS and !!!!!!!!!!'s

LOL

L

BrandiSue

Some say there are 5 stages to grief. Some claim 10. I am the type that can cycle thru all 5 stages of grief in a matter of a minute, over and over and over. Journaling really helped me with that too.

This is me!! I seem to be cycling through the phases in the same way. I haven't started journaling yet, but that might help me as well. I'm sure my friends are sick of me jabbering away to them.

The anger stage is probably a good stage to be in. I can't seem to stay in that phase too long though.

xo

HealingWillCome

Remember, this is what addicts do. It is about the power of the addiction. The guy ain't "the answer to her friggin' prayers." Go easy on yourself -- you know he's not her solution to anything -- their world will come crashing down, too. Give it time. He has to deal with her problems now, too. She is using him. It will come crashing down on them.

mrphillipctrs1

I started my anger page. It seems to help a bit. I contemplated something horrible.

I have to confess it:

I was going to contact her exhusband who has her kids and tell him anonymously to call and check in on her at rehab. He knows not of what happened. She is supposed to get her kids this weekend maybe by herself. Of course her exhusband is a snake too, he might be setting her up. (she is supposed to have a supervisor per the court).

O.K. I said, it, I feel better. I just needed to tell someone what I was thinking as terrible as it was.

LaTeeDa

Contemplating doing something evil is not evil. DOING it would be evil. Contemplating does not equal doing. Give yourself a break! In fact, contemplating it and NOT doing it is very good. Pat yourself on the back.

L

HealingWillCome

Do you feel like the kids are in danger?

spinwc

They have this amazing ability to show the world how great life is and how happy they are. They are manipulating. This guy is going to be like everyone else-gonna be used and tossed when she is done. And think about it this way......all of her drama and baggage is now his problem-not yours. The honeymoon stage will end.....and she will move on to someone else to manipulate. Thats how they operate!

I feel your pain-i want mine to be absolutely miserable. And I know inside he is, but I want him to suffer. But I know that HP is responsible for that, not me. Instead, I just keep working on me.

I believe the anger stage is good. Your not as open to them if they happen to contact.

Hang in there and keep posting-it helps!

mrphillipctrs1

I can't say for sure. I don't know if she is drinking at the moment. My gut tells me that she is nursing something. When she starts drinking she goes and goes and goes, she has to want to stop. Plus the guy she is with, was her nurse at the detox place. He doesn't drink that I know of. So who knows, I do know that she is in dry drunk mode. Her decisions are pretty bad at the moment. She does do better around her kids, but who knows. I do know that she called me drunk about 3 nights ago.

mrphillipctrs1

EXACTLY, in fact all of those posts here have been EXACTLY!

Thank you everyone, I am still mad, but this too shall pass. Thanks for the road block of my vendictiveness.

spinwc

It will pass. Let yourself go through these stages-it is part of healing. What you do during those stages is so important. And reaching out for help/advice tonight was a huge step in healing.

My X has kids too. And it scares me to death to think about what may be going on with those kids, just like you are worried. Thats the codie oozing out of us. As hard as it is, I have learned to take my dog out of the fight. I cant fix the problem or control it.

One day at a time....or if you are like me, one hour at a time! Hang in there

HealingWillCome

I just wonder about the kids and their safety. Is it possible that what you are considering may not be vindictive if there is a chance that they are in harm's way? I don't really understand all of the details, but I do have concern for them.

FarawayFromCars

Let it out--nothing you say hasn't been felt, heard, or said before on this forum. Go for it--we are here to listen.

mrphillipctrs1

Like spin said, it may be my codieness.

However there were times when I watched her kids when she was drunk. I don't think she is going to introduce the new guy to them yet, so I am pretty sure she is going alone. This will be the first time she has been alone with them in 1.4 years.

Part of it is her kids, we got close pretty quick.

aboutdone

Ok, There is vindictive and then there is doing the right thing.

If it was a complete stranger, would the thoughts cross your mind?

Are you considering just for the mere satisfaction of making her life miserable, or are you considering because of the kids?

If she is living with the detox nurse, and she is not sober by any means, what kind of detox center is this? Surely this is not really acceptable of the employees?

I find with all vindictive thoughts I have, I try to sort out, if its completely self serving or would I bust it out on some complete stranger....that always helps me determine whats right for me.

Oh, and Karma is a bi#ch. Trust me, what comes around goes around. It may not be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year even, but it will happen.

My first ex was abusive. I used to tell him someday someones going to kick your arse just like you do mine. After we were divorced, I wished for it to happen. It actually did happen about 2 years later, because Exs GF was flirting with some guy while they were out at the bar. EX tried to duke it out, and this lil guy put the whoop arse on my EX. He had to pick up the kids with his forehead all scratched up, a black eye, a fat lip. And, honestly, I actually felt bad for him, because I knew what it felt like to get your butt kicked. LOL.

My EX was such a butt to me and the kids. Never had time to do anything with us. With the new GF he goes to garage sales, takes her out to eat all the time, spends money on her constantly. I used to get so freakin mad about this. Like Why the hell couldn't he just do those things when we were together, and then someone told me....its an act.

He still drinks, they both drink and are at the bar 3-5 nights a week. Someone who drinks that much, that often is in a lot of pain, and everything is just an act to try to hurt you. Once I started looking at things that way, I started finding the humor in it. He is like a little puppet now. Scared to make the wrong move or she will ax him. Quite funny.

In your case, I think you could take comfort in, what seems to me, the fact that she is using the guy. He is answering her short term needs. Apparently the big house, has something to do with trying to get her kids. Depending on the age of the kids, they may go tell Daddy about the new guy, new house, Mommy still not right. Even if you say nothing, it will come up eventually in court.

The new guy is going to get burned as well. Everything is always wonderful at first. Its easy to do for someone when you are in lust. But the lust wears off, and then what do you have? I see resentments in their near future. He will start feeling used, and not being happy that he was just an accessory to help her get what she wants.

I understand the anger. Write and write and write! Get it all out. Then go back and find the positives. You could actually just sit back and let it all play out. Enjoy the show. Never judge a book by its cover.

What seems so beautiful on the outside, is usually the ugliest thing on the inside. She may act like everything is so lovely at the moment, but if she isn't working a program, it will catch up to her...guaranteed.