kia

cant be1ieve im about to te11 u this and am afraid i wi11 be judged but here goes the A has been communicating with me on a norma1 1eve1 1ate1y has admitted to a1ot of mistakes and has asked me to he1p him and we11 im gonna do it cos we11 sti11 1ove him 1ike someone said the heart wants what the heart wants weve even had some phone chats which is odd as he doesnt usua11y 1ike em but even though on puter he agreed to seek he1p for the booze on the phone he again said hes not an a1choho1ic so as such needs no he1p so i am sticking to my guns in that we wi11 not be a coup1e again ti11 he seeks he1p btw any c1ues how u get an agrophobic A the he1p he needs cos he is waiting for counse11ing sti11 been waiting months as for how i fee1 for me i know i persona11y cant go back to where i was as my path has moved on and un1ess he agrees to my boundaries then his path wi11 move even further away from me hes at the fork in the road now as for other guy ive a11 but decieded to end it before i end up despising him just not entire1y sure how yet i have no fee1ings 1ike that for him i see him as a friend nothing more and wi11 work out how to end it i do hate upsetting pp1 and no im not doing this cos of the A im doing it for me was a mistake to chance 1osing a good friend 1ike this and got a weird fee1ing he aint gonna take it we11 as his 1ast ex he didnt weird1y he was in 1ove with her before xmas and me by feb so hard1y can be rea1 1ove eh hope u dont a11 go mad at me for decieding this fee1s right cou1d turn out to be wrong xxxkia

wicked

Kia, I am in no position to judge you. I am a recovering alcoholic and I was married/had children with an alcoholic. He graduated to crack cocaine, and still I waited for him to "get it" like I did. He did not.
My ex would come back from a binge, cry alot, promise to change, admit he had an addiction (cause he went to rehab with me) admit the mistakes and asked me to help him. I could not help him, the only person who can help the alcoholic is the alcoholic. Your heart might want him, but I wonder if your higher self knows this is not going to work for you. That part of you gets you to post here and get help for you. That is good stuff.


Kia,
Please take care of yourself. You are the only person you are responsible for and the only one you can change. If he is on the fence about being an alcoholic, then why would he seek recovery? Why would you have to find recovery for a grown man?
You hate upsetting people? What about you Kia? Your dreams, your hopes, bring it back to you.
Read the post Ann made today about June 7 reading.
You are not the woman who will make him better, nor are you his higher power, nor are you an addictions specialist.
Maybe it feels right because you don't know anything better.
Work on that awhile.

Said with the greatest love and support for you Kia.

Beth

transformyself

Sorry to threadjack but I wish I could understand what you're writing. Why are you using the number one in that way? And are those other things abbreviations? Maybe you're just writing in a language I don't understand, but I just can't decipher it. I want to read it and support you, but I can't understand what you're saying my dear!

nodaybut2day

I think i remember kia saying way back that her L key was broken so she was using the 1 key instead.

wicked

yes, kia,

i know your l key is broken, but could you try to space and use some punctuation?
i tried to put some punctuation in your post, but that is only where I thought there should be a break. maybe something you are trying to say is getting lost in one long run-on sentence?

Beth

kia

Cant believe im about to tell u this and am afraid i will be judged but here goes the A has been communicating with me on a normal level lately, has admitted to alot of mistakes and has asked me to he1p him and we im gonna do it cos well still love him and like someone said the heart wants what the heart wants. We have even had some phone chats which is odd as he doesnt usually 1ike em but even though on computer he agreed to seek help for the booze, on the phone he again said hes not an a1choholic, so as such needs no help. So i am sticking to my guns in that we will not be a couple again till he seeks help.

Btw any clues how u get an agrophobic A the help he needs cos he is waiting for counselling still, been waiting months as for how i feel for me i know i personally cant go back to where i was as my path has moved on and unless he agrees to my boundaries then his path wi11 move even further away from me hes at the fork in the road.

Now as for other guy ive all but decieded to end it before i end up despising him just not entirely sure how yet i have no feelings like that for him i see him as a friend nothing more and will work out how to end it i do hate upsetting ppl and no im not doing this cos of the A im doing it for me was a mistake to chance losing a good friend like this and got a weird fee1ing he aint gonna take it we11, as his last ex he didnt, weirdly he was in love with her before xmas and me by feb so hard1y can be rea1 love eh hope u dont all go mad at me for decieding this feels right cou1d turn out to be wrong.

Sorry for the dodgy l button rewritten it but takes alot longer me doing it this way as have to use on screen kb till i get new one fitted.Thanks for listening hope it helps the retype xxxxkia

Bernadette

Btw any clues how u get an agrophobic A the help he needs

I just have one idea: You could find out the number to local AA (it's in every phone book near the beginning!!) and give that # to your abf and tell him to dial it up and say he needs a "12th step call." A person who has been in his shoes will then call him and arrange a chance to speak to him, maybe even come to his house. A 12th stepper came when my dad finally made that call after a 25 plus yr drinking career and it got him on the road to recovery. Because he wanted recovery at that point.

Other than that, my experience has taught me that because I am not an addict or alcoholic I actually CANNOT help my alcoholic brothers with their drinking problems. It's just out of my scope!!

peace & please do take care of yourself....
b

megan09

Just a thought, but how does he get his alcohol if he can't leave home?

kia

He gave up for 8 weeks but think the need for the drink beat his fear of outside although he swears it was longer and thank u so much bernadette helps alot that xxxxxkia

transformyself

Yeah, Bernadette is good like that. Sweet. And such lovely glasses.
Thanks for the edit job.
No comments from me, though, after all that work, just hugs and hoping you still live your own life and keep focusing on yourself. Don't get lost in him and his problems, that's all.

bookwyrm

Kia honey, I have read every post you've made here and I worry for you. I wish you could see that you really do deserve better and that being on your own isn't a bad thing.

Have a look at this thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ets-big-o.html

You will do what you will do. I hope you got to an Al Anon meeting and read some of the books recommended to you. Please keep the focus on you and your well being. You've been through so much lately. :ghug3 Have you tried counselling? It really helped me.

kia

hiya bookwyrm i read it a while ago memorys shocking atm soo cant remember what it was about.

As for al anon still havent found if theres one here where i live as i dont drive and brother atm is doing alot of running around for me already and this wouldnt be a one off would go on for weeks.

I have got some books getting round to reading em did start one but i find reading hard as cant concentrate on em but dont worry im not going running back just like that thanks for caring though ehxxxkia