This disease is so ugly...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
This disease is so ugly...
Sometimes I forget just how much my 14 year granddaughter is affected by AD's disease.
When she comes to see me, she's a sweet, kind, and very relaxed kid.
I despise the fact that AD uses her. AD had her call my parents about a cable and memory card that grandson Johnathan needs for a Playstation that was given to him, incomplete.
My mother knows nothing about electronics, nada. She and Dad don't even have internet at home.
She doesn't mind doing things for her great-grandkids. However, she was suspecting she was being hornswoggled over this Playstation deal, so she called me to ask about the parts, and the expense. (they refuse to give anything to my AD). I can google the damned parts, look at prices, and let her know.
First thing I did was call AD and specifically ask what it was that Johnathan needed for the Playstation. I was short and curt. I took down the information, told her in the future if one of the grandkids needs something, especially electronics-related, she can call me, not to have my granddaughter call, and I'll visit with Mom.
End of conversation. There was nothing left to say.
Next thing I know granddaughter has posted something very disrespectful about my parents on FB.
Ugly ugly ugly. They have helped so much with those kids. Mom just sent over $60 to my granddaughter for a jacket all the volleyball players were eligible to purchase at high school this last year.
I have to remember, the disease is there, even in my granddaughter.
That is so damned painful.
When she comes to see me, she's a sweet, kind, and very relaxed kid.
I despise the fact that AD uses her. AD had her call my parents about a cable and memory card that grandson Johnathan needs for a Playstation that was given to him, incomplete.
My mother knows nothing about electronics, nada. She and Dad don't even have internet at home.
She doesn't mind doing things for her great-grandkids. However, she was suspecting she was being hornswoggled over this Playstation deal, so she called me to ask about the parts, and the expense. (they refuse to give anything to my AD). I can google the damned parts, look at prices, and let her know.
First thing I did was call AD and specifically ask what it was that Johnathan needed for the Playstation. I was short and curt. I took down the information, told her in the future if one of the grandkids needs something, especially electronics-related, she can call me, not to have my granddaughter call, and I'll visit with Mom.
End of conversation. There was nothing left to say.
Next thing I know granddaughter has posted something very disrespectful about my parents on FB.
Ugly ugly ugly. They have helped so much with those kids. Mom just sent over $60 to my granddaughter for a jacket all the volleyball players were eligible to purchase at high school this last year.
I have to remember, the disease is there, even in my granddaughter.
That is so damned painful.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((DeVon))) - I'm so sorry. I know it has to hurt. I'm glad your granddaughter has you and your parents to be the stable ones in her life. She may not appreciate you all, the way she should, now...but she most definitely needs you and is blessed to have you all.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I am sorry to hear that DeVon. I was just discussing this with my BF not 2 hours ago. The children do pick up on the alcoholic parent's ways of thinking and treating others. I wish it were not so. I hope you don't feel guilty about it.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
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L2L, I don't feel guilty. I'm just hurt, and it's difficult to see my granddaughter with 2 'personas', if you will.
She was just at my house last weekend. We went to Tanganyika Wildlife Park, and generally had a good time.
It's a whole different ballgame when she's with her mother.
She was just at my house last weekend. We went to Tanganyika Wildlife Park, and generally had a good time.
It's a whole different ballgame when she's with her mother.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I hear ya' DeVon, it is so hard to watch children be affected by this disease. It is horrible what these people do to, and teach, their children. I have learned the hard way, though, that unless a child's life is in absolute danger, it is best to keep my mouth shut. Because like it or not, THEY are the parents and WE have no rights, not even when we think we are "right." Sometimes the only thing we can do is make ourselves available to them in case they ever do reach out for help, and hope that the children will come out of their upbringing somewhat intact. That often means turning your head.
Hope you feel better soon. I'm thinking of you and sending good vibes your way. 
Hope you feel better soon. I'm thinking of you and sending good vibes your way. 
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
A big fear I still have at the back of my mind is, as XAH was a late developer where turning into Mr Nasty, smelly and stupid was concerned.....could one of my girls do the same? Mind you they enjoy a drink, and thankfully are nowhere in the same league as dad was, but it still niggles at me, as so far and praise God for it, there is no sigh of alcohol problems in the family.
I keep thinking that I have been too blessed so far, and something has to have been passed in his genes to someone in the following generations.....after all his grand-dad, father and brother were very big drinkers, and all died of heart or liver damage at an early age.
I will just keep praying that the gene or whatever, has died out with him and leave it's non arrival in the young ones, as a blessing on the family.
God bless
I keep thinking that I have been too blessed so far, and something has to have been passed in his genes to someone in the following generations.....after all his grand-dad, father and brother were very big drinkers, and all died of heart or liver damage at an early age.
I will just keep praying that the gene or whatever, has died out with him and leave it's non arrival in the young ones, as a blessing on the family.
God bless
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Had to cut the last post short, and couldn't tell you how much I feel for you on the pain you got from your loved GD's, facebook post on your parents.
Dear Lord, it is worse than a darn bushfire....it destroys everything it comes near.
My prayers for all of you.
God bless
Dear Lord, it is worse than a darn bushfire....it destroys everything it comes near.
My prayers for all of you.
God bless
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Originally Posted by Freedom1990 
I have to remember, the disease is there, even in my granddaughter.
That is so damned painful.
That is so damned painful.
THAT is damned beautiful.
CLMI
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
that IS incredibly disrespectful, and selfish and ugly, and no doubt painful for you.
just a thought though..... disrespectful, selfish, unthinking acts towards elders are almost in the job-description of being a 14 year old.
This happens in wonderful, functional, caring, sharing healthy families as well as ours ;-). I'm not saying she isn't affected by her mother's disposition and example, clearly any child is. Sometimes, however, that can work in the opposite direction, teenagers often reject their parent's values and approaches to life.
You know she can behave well, because she does with you in general. Perhaps this is more a "teen" thing. Not everything is about alcoholism.
just a thought though..... disrespectful, selfish, unthinking acts towards elders are almost in the job-description of being a 14 year old.
This happens in wonderful, functional, caring, sharing healthy families as well as ours ;-). I'm not saying she isn't affected by her mother's disposition and example, clearly any child is. Sometimes, however, that can work in the opposite direction, teenagers often reject their parent's values and approaches to life.
You know she can behave well, because she does with you in general. Perhaps this is more a "teen" thing. Not everything is about alcoholism.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Learn2Live
Freedom,
I have a question....
How did you get the dancing banana on the back of the pickup truck?!?!?!
I have a question....
How did you get the dancing banana on the back of the pickup truck?!?!?!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by JenT1968
that IS incredibly disrespectful, and selfish and ugly, and no doubt painful for you.
just a thought though..... disrespectful, selfish, unthinking acts towards elders are almost in the job-description of being a 14 year old.
This happens in wonderful, functional, caring, sharing healthy families as well as ours ;-). I'm not saying she isn't affected by her mother's disposition and example, clearly any child is. Sometimes, however, that can work in the opposite direction, teenagers often reject their parent's values and approaches to life.
You know she can behave well, because she does with you in general. Perhaps this is more a "teen" thing. Not everything is about alcoholism.
just a thought though..... disrespectful, selfish, unthinking acts towards elders are almost in the job-description of being a 14 year old.
This happens in wonderful, functional, caring, sharing healthy families as well as ours ;-). I'm not saying she isn't affected by her mother's disposition and example, clearly any child is. Sometimes, however, that can work in the opposite direction, teenagers often reject their parent's values and approaches to life.
You know she can behave well, because she does with you in general. Perhaps this is more a "teen" thing. Not everything is about alcoholism.
She has been caught shoplifting, and at a much younger age. Her mother has done jail time on shoplifting charges, twice.
What took place in the conversation between me and AD was completely taken out of context when AD told my granddaughter about the call.
When my parents refused to send AD money to pay off her last fine on stealing credit cards/using them (she did jail time on that also), AD told my granddaughter that my parents and I were bad people because we wanted to see her 'suffer', that we didn't care. Granddaughter refused to talk to any of us for months (that was when she was 12 years old).
That's the kind of crap she poisons my granddaughter's mind with.
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