Jenny1232

Aww, thanks Summerpeach!

I don't know if I have BDP... I guess when I get further into my recovery, we'll see what happens. Who knows.. Once I'm happy, healthy and free of abuse, I could turn out to be very well normal. Perhaps, being with an abusive man literally drove me insane?

I went to the hospital for a month for bulimia, and it entailed a lot, I mean A LOT of therapy! Those tools I learned have stuck with me for quite some time. They never mentioned BDP.. and I was there doing intensive therapy, every single day, for one month. I think I'm alright! It's easy to diagnose yourself... but after reading what anvilhead put about diet, I can very easily see THAT as my issue! So, I plan to take the steps towards better health, and see what happens!

GOD, I feel GREAT today! I'm so ready for the weekend! I want to go home, and clean my room, listen to music, dance around like a nerd, ride my bike! Any and everything! This is just a wonderful feeling. (I woke up thinking about him, missing him.. but damn if an hour didn't go by, and I'm like, WOO)! --- I'm going off on a happy tangent, sorry lol!

I was reading the book, "women who love too much", and drama came up. Having this dicussion yesterday, it really hit me. I can't remember exactly what it said, but it basically said that growing up with drama, is what's created the need for it now. It gives you emotion, when otherwise, emotions are hard to feel. Something along those lines.. I'll have to quote it. Basically, my need for drama, is a way to fulfill my need to feel...

PieRat

By george I think she gets it!

Jenny1232

I was thinking of you. I SKIPPED breakfast and had two cups of coffee ---- by 11:00, I was shaking, my heart was pounding and I was dizzy. So I gobbled down two packets of instant oatmeal, and a fiber one bar. Then, an hour later I went to my friends and downed a cold starbucks coffee drink, ate a piece of jerky, and a few bites of disgusting mac and cheese. I then got to work, and just ate a slice of pizza. I was ravenous!

I feel much better! Next time, I want breakfast. It was horrible, horrible, horrible.. and now I consumed many calories and I feel fat, ashamed and gross. It will pass - while I'm rock climbing tonight!

And your breakfast? I sure wish I could of had a scromlette lol!


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Oh, and a special thanks to pierat! For creating my signature! He's awesome!

Jenny1232

a lunch bucket, lol! Wow, a two hour commute, sounds exciting! I think it's important to me, that I was actually thinking about everything you said, when I realized how badly I needed to eat. It goes to show, that the things I read here, really do stick!

Eat some yogurt for me! I've been so poor to go buy food --- but, I some how pay $8 a day for the toll road for 'easier' access to and from work; SO, I could CUT that out, and buy healthy food if I WANTED to....

Sounds wise to me! I love how this place challenges my thoughts / habits! Thank you

gerryP

Yes, kudos to you Jenny!

Jenny1232

LOL, I bet you look SEXY lugging that thing around!!! I want one!

Summerpeach

hey hey now, who said anything about normal ;-)
That's pushing it. Normal is boring. Stay who you are exactly and just learn the tools of being you in a way where you not be abused or abuse yourself.

I read "women who love too much" many years ago. Great book. We are pretty much wired to want to be loved and adored. It's tough to go against that grain, but you can turn it around and love and adore yourself. :-)

Bad diet = loss of glucose that brain needs to function which can not only cause hypoglycemia issues, but confusion, distraction and mental episodes that can mimic mental illness.
Cut out caffeine and eat lots of proteins and foods that have an abudance of vitamins and minerals.

Summerpeach

(((shaking my head)))) OH dear, that diet is really not good.
Of course your heart is pounding, you keep giving your adrenalin reasons to spark and go wild.

Jenny1232

Funny thing is - I used to be a HUGE health freak. So much, as where I wouldn't touch mayonaise, I wouldn't eat anything fried, ate ground flax seed, etc. I ended up taking it to the extreme, working out two-three hours everyday... and BAM! Welcome, Bulimia.

Since then, I've let myself eat whatever. I think it's safe to say, I could start making modifications towards healthier eating though. I know what to do, and how to do it... I just get obsessive, with any, and everything I do!

No caffeine? That's a long shot. I'd love that someday, but I just don't know about that one.. I am, most definitely, a caffeine junkie. Can't we have one vice? We'll start small here, lol!

Summerpeach

success can only be acheived when we start small.
Start by better foods, work on the other things later.
Good fuel, good results right :-)

Jenny1232

"lord you've never know at one time Mensa wanted me, would ya???" -- Is this sarcasm lol? It's not too shocking to me; you seem highly intelligent!

After my climb yesterday, I lit up a cigarette and it was DISGUSTING! I completely agree about the healthier you are, the less unhealthy things you want to engage it! I'm so very excited about my new found freedom! It's unreal, how happy I feel!

You really helped me tremendously! Most definitely you and coffeedrinker - and of course, everyone else!

Jenny1232

You think?!?! Yes, that memory! I've lost mine already, and I'm only 23.

Rock climbing! Ahh! Well, I'm doing indoors tonight! You can boulder (10ft tall, no ropes) or use ropes (55ft tall). I have an album on my page, and it has pictures of me climbing outside. It's been awhile. I'm dying to get back out. I'm not very good at it, but I LOVE IT! I have my chronic neck/shoulder injury - so it's tough to keep with it.. but I'm so depressed when I'm not!

and hey, you're never too old to climb! I'm sure washington is littered with climbing areas!

Jenny1232

LOL, oh come on! Some people are naturals (Hank). The first time I ever climbed, I was in tears. My ex (not the recent one) forced me into it.. and we were outside on real rocks. Once I made it to the top, I was overwhelmed with joy and achievement!

I think it's exciting!! BUT - you either like it, or you don't!

Does that pizza at 1 o'clock count? My stomach has been rumbling in pain ever since lol.. I do not want food, for a while!

PieRat

Okay you have inspired me Jenny. I am going to try some mountain climbing here in Florida. From the looks of it I should have it pretty easy. I do not even think I will need any roap or anything. In fact the mountains down here do not seem so imposing at all.

Jenny1232

LOL, I went to Alafia State Park in Florida, and did mountain biking! It was the most incredible place I have ever biked! You can't discount it all!!!! Nothing like soaring down a hill of sand, dodging palm trees!!!

PieRat

I do not think I have ever been to Alafia, but I know it is north of here near the Alafia swamp...Used to camp there in Cub scouts. Always heard tales of the infamous Alafia swamp ape (a florida bigfoot) around there.

Learn2Live

A handful of people have told me that about me. I think it is unfair to tell someone, "You're a hypochondriac." Because if you don't feel well all the time, you are all the time trying to figure out why you don't feel well so that you can possibly fix it. You have to trust your own instincts about your own body so try not to discount yourself in this manner. I had all sorts of diagnoses and suspicions for 10 YEARS that caused people to tell me I was a hypochondriac, until they found out the cause of my pain and many of my problems was a degenerative spinal disease.

Beantowngirl

Jenny, making sure you eat a good amount of protein goes a long way, especially for breakfast. I eat the same thing every day for breakfast; a fried egg and a greek yogurt, tons of protein in both those things and it really keeps me going for a good long time.

I went and looked at your rock climbing photos and let me say that you are cute as a button! You look so much like my little sister, she is only 19 though and just joined the army, is in basic training right now actually. Let me tell you that you will have no problem finding yourself a handsome young man when you are ready to move on. I know you probably aren't thinking about that stuff at the moment, and you definitely should take some time for yourself right now, but I don't see anything wrong with looking forward to the day when you can share your life with a healthy person that really appreciates you and treats you right.

Now go eat some protein.

theuncertainty

Kind of OT, but I completely thought your avatar photo of you running was from an ad for something like Nike or women's running/fitness clothing. Very cool photos.

PieRat

Oh no LOL. WE do have hills. Even a couple that the names end in "mountain" I.E. Sugarloaf Mountain, but we have no mountains. I was just being silly. :P

Yeah I intentionally made it like that, as that was the idea I got from that photo of hers.