What if They Deal?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
when we release resentment, we release the victim mentality.....
I don't remember what I was upset about, but what I do remember was I was addressing her with harsh words in a harsh tone. As the last word rolled out of my mouth, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I sounded just like my mother.
I sat down and cried. My eyes were finally opened to the fact that the things I had despised the most in my mother, and had continued to hold resentments and bitterness over, were the exact same things I refused to recognize in myself.
With that acknowledgement, the sunlight of the spirit filtered back into my life.
Bitterness and resentment turn me into a very ugly person.
Black and Yellow
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,359
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
There's an old saying that "snitches end up in ditches."
It does happen.
It's a very ugly and sometimes violent lifestyle.
It does happen.
It's a very ugly and sometimes violent lifestyle.
It does happen for sure. Take my best friend Jennifer Warren
Jennifer Warren | The Sidebar
The sweetest woman I have ever known, with a serious drug addiction. Gone for supposedly snitching on a dealer.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
I say, leave it alone.
Drugs don't kill people, people make their own choices.
The two-bit dealer, in my eyes, is NO different than the industries who make alcohol, smokes or pharma, meds.
No one forces anyone to buy dope, people make choices and truthfully, I think weed being illegal is outragous!
And X is as serious a drug as any Oxy which pharma pushes and dr's prescribe.
Ok, off my soap box now :-)
Drugs don't kill people, people make their own choices.
The two-bit dealer, in my eyes, is NO different than the industries who make alcohol, smokes or pharma, meds.
No one forces anyone to buy dope, people make choices and truthfully, I think weed being illegal is outragous!
And X is as serious a drug as any Oxy which pharma pushes and dr's prescribe.
Ok, off my soap box now :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by MaryGoRound
Yeah ya no, its pretty sad..the whole system and how it all works. No one cares about small time dealers esp. in big cities....
Forget the system. It's not practical or economically feasible for cops to chase down tips from ex gf/bf/ spouces.
Your desire to do so has more to do with trying to control him than making the world a safer place.
Of course I realize part of me still does harbor disgust for this person and I do want this person to pay in some way for being so being a menace to both me and society.
Best payback is to let go of the obsession.
This "codependency" is a shape shifter in some ways.
I like the way you put this.
To some degree, its still his life I need to stay out of IN EVERY WAY, but its also a grander scheme that needs to be dealt with.
Whoa. To all degrees, it is his life. He gets to decide what to do with it.
my strong morals are just amplified.
Many who come off as righteous have a tendency to profess strong morals. Your way may not be the best way for him. He gets to decide this for himself, just as you do for yourself.
I made some new friends, whom don't really believe in indulging either which was a huge relief because I started to really associate ALL creative people with drug/alcohol use. Thank god, I really lost hope that there were no creative, intelligent, drug free, urban individuals left!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I mentioned in another thread that I have been doing 'shadow work' lately. One of the things I've discovered about myself is that I have a hard time allowing consequences, karma, or whatever you want to call it, happen. I feel the need to force it, or even "enforce" it, you might say. I want to right the wrongs I perceive. Whether it's by exposing another persons wrongdoing, punishing them myself, or even just judging them in my mind. I don't know what gave me the idea that I am the "karma police," but clearly I am not. And every single time I have attempted to intervene in the natural progression of another person's consequences, it has caused me personal suffering.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
Yeah, I certainly don't want to end up in a ditch, lol. Thanks for reminding me to protect myself.
Outtolunch I laughed out loud @ ur post. I know.
sLVR -I'm go and read that right now. I'm sorry you lost a friend, and esp. like that.
I know. God, I am the karma police. Haha. I want all of this to make more sense somehow. I still have so many unanswered questions and I just don't understand why I wasn't strong enough to just forget about it. And damnit, why I still entirely haven't!
The part of me that does still hold resentment does want justice in that way, but also I've been finding myself not sure how to feel about being in party like atmospshere's etc but you helped me by looking at it differently....its still about choice. I like that it not about the drugs necessarily because now i can go out and drink and not feel like I'm joining those whom I couldn't beat type thing.
But seriously, everytime I see drugs on t.v. or see people at band shows who Its clear they use a paert of me dies on the inside. Its such an awful feeling that sometimes I don't even want to go out just in fear of running into those types of people, or being triggered in anyway! Its everywhere! Help! I can't wait to not feel that anymore.
Maybe there's a piece that will always be heartbroken and angry. I don't know, I felt like I was making good progress and then I had a bunch of dreams about him.
Definitely prone to black and white thinking, but I'm also one of those indecisive types always seeing all the different perspectives and never picking my own.
Maybe there needs to be shadows in the world in order to paint the entire picture of the world, but **** man, why does it have to be so awful for everyone and cause so maybe terrible things?
Outtolunch I laughed out loud @ ur post. I know.
sLVR -I'm go and read that right now. I'm sorry you lost a friend, and esp. like that.
I know. God, I am the karma police. Haha. I want all of this to make more sense somehow. I still have so many unanswered questions and I just don't understand why I wasn't strong enough to just forget about it. And damnit, why I still entirely haven't!
The part of me that does still hold resentment does want justice in that way, but also I've been finding myself not sure how to feel about being in party like atmospshere's etc but you helped me by looking at it differently....its still about choice. I like that it not about the drugs necessarily because now i can go out and drink and not feel like I'm joining those whom I couldn't beat type thing.
But seriously, everytime I see drugs on t.v. or see people at band shows who Its clear they use a paert of me dies on the inside. Its such an awful feeling that sometimes I don't even want to go out just in fear of running into those types of people, or being triggered in anyway! Its everywhere! Help! I can't wait to not feel that anymore.
Maybe there's a piece that will always be heartbroken and angry. I don't know, I felt like I was making good progress and then I had a bunch of dreams about him.
Definitely prone to black and white thinking, but I'm also one of those indecisive types always seeing all the different perspectives and never picking my own.
Maybe there needs to be shadows in the world in order to paint the entire picture of the world, but **** man, why does it have to be so awful for everyone and cause so maybe terrible things?
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