puckettcg

And that's a good thing. I wrote once before that I didn't know what to do about the upcoming beach trip, and feeling guilty about not wanting him to be there. I don't anymore - invited a friend and her son to go with us, so now its no longer a choice for him come with us.

We don't fight anymore - although every once in a while I comment about him needing a job or about a job posting I saw. Its like we live in the same house, but that's about it.

The funny thing about A's. They never seem to fail to disappoint. Only now, instead of disappointing me, I just add it to list of reasons why I don't want to be with him any longer. I've also come to realize how self-absorbed he is and how much he really doesn't care about how I'm feeling or what he put me and the kids through. He doesn't fake it anymore. Phone calls no longer end with I love you, from either of us.

I'm settled into a routine now; sleeping in my daughter's room. Have been gradually moving my clothing in. Kids no longer think its unusual that Mom and Dad don't talk or do anything together anymore. I'm in my final year of law school and working on a promotion at work. Overall, the budget is a bit tighter but I'm getting better at budgeting. And, a nice little side effect of cooking meals at home and bringing in lunch is that I've lost 10 pounds. Life is pretty good all things considering.

Still have to hide my car keys, checkbook, and wallet. I did find out he got hold of check from an old joint account that still had a small balance. Fortunately, he didn't cause it to go into overdraft. I explained to him that after the check he just wrote, the balance was down to $8 and just walked away. Proud of myself for not getting angry or yelling.

coffeedrinker

it sounds as though things are about as good as can be expected.

you must be proud of yourself for getting through law school.

do you speak with your children about the weird situation?

puckettcg

I have talked to them about the weird situation. I think they're actually doing better now as well. My youngest was going to the school counselor regularly because she was upset, but hasn't gone in a several months now. There's no fighting or yelling anymore. She was kind of funny because even though she was the youngest, she seems to have had the most mature reaction to all this and could always tell when he'd been drinking. My son - he was more content putting his head in the sand and pretending nothing was happening. He seems good now and calls his Grandad if he needs a ride when I'm not home. My oldest who is in college thinks I should have left him 10 years ago, and that he should have been the one to move into her room LOL. They've all pretty much accepted that Dad's not very reliable.

I will say this - they have noticed that there is less money for extra stuff, and they blame him for not contributing more to the family. When they've asked about certain things, I've told them that we have less money and why, but I've tried to be very objective and non-judgmental - just told them the facts. They've drawn their own conclusions.

They've all kind of figured out that this situation is better than the yelling, but if he were to move out entirely, I'm really not sure how they'd react. For years, I tried to hide this from them. When it became clear that I wasn't doing that very well with my oldest, I decided it was time for a change. In the beginning, he was able to make them think I was the bad guy - the one starting the fights and making him leave. When he promised my son that he wouldn't drink before Christmas, and promptly drank the next day - my son finally stopped blaming me, although he never turned angry towards his Dad, just kind of stopped talking to him or hanging out with him entirely. What's helped him probably the most is having a best friend who's Mom is a recovering alcoholic and whose Dad just moved out - I don't think either of them talks about the situation, but maybe they do. Either way, I think its good for him to have someone who he can talk to and kind of gets it.

I'm completely open with all of them now, and while its taken almost a year to get them to the point that they see, and accept, the situation for what it is, its much better than trying to hide it from them. The hiding nearly destroyed my oldest - who struggled with alcohol issues in high school but is now getting close to a 4.0 in college while double-majoring. I could not be more proud.