NoSpaceCamp

I have been needing to, and trying to, keep my mind focused on what my relationship with my exAbf of 9 years really was, and to not allow myself to fantasize that it ever was, or more importantly, ever could be anything else. I know ultimately I have to let go of the anger and resentment and just let it go, but right now it's important for me to remember that the resentment comes from real things that happened, and that my anger is justified.

He's one of these guys that puts on a really great FACADE of being confident, together and capable, when he's really more like a very lost little boy. He's a total Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with a public persona that wins everyone over. But boy, just wait until you try and live with him. Very different... However, for the time being, I'm getting Mr. Nice Guy, and I need to remember how false it really is.

Anyway, one of the things I've done is write a big long list of all the crazy things I put up with. But then I found this very appropriate NIN song that I thought I'd share.

THIS was my life for 9 years with my exABf, in the lyrics of a Nine inch nails song.

THIS is what I am missing?
THIS is what I was?

Nine Inch Nails: Ringfinger

Well you've got me working so hard lately.
Working my hands until they bleed.
If i was twice the man i could be.
I'd still be half of what you need
Still you lead me and i follow
All of your back up to your chin.
Over to the tip of your switchblade as you pull it out and stick it in.

Chorus: (Twist Twist Twist) we can go a little deeper.
(Twist Twist Twist) i'm wearing these chains.
(Twist Twist Twist) you make it hurt real good.
(Twist,Twist,Twist) i love the pain.

Well you just leave me nailed here.
Hanging like Jesus on the cross.
I'm just dying for your sins.
And aiding to the cause.

Chorus
Wrap my soul in bandages.
I'm tired of this war.
Go ahead and cut me.
I can't even feel it anymore.