I'm soon off to the wilderness!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
I'm soon off to the wilderness!
I am in the countdown (under a week!!) to moving (till Oct) to a new state to work for the summer in a National Park doing a job I LOVE in a place I LOVE.
I didn't wrap everything up with my husband in a neat bow...but I don't feel so anxious, either.
I told him I will return and we can make decisions at that point.
I think the time away will give me time to think and work on developing more of me.
I have found so much peace in ACCEPTING him AS HE IS.
That drains the drama right out.
He has stopped drinking around me, but for a few times (in a normal manner), and is back to being fun and pleasant (albeit scared of the "new" me!) Kids are off the table, still, and I am not stressing on that. I know I am not ready to walk away from my marriage and I am taking that decision a day at a time. There is much to love and value in my partner and I continue to build myself while trying to see honestly what is so.
I continue to work on myself.
* Breathing and self-soothing when in heated discussions or scary situations.
* Little things like turning around on a hike when *I* feel done.
* Speaking my peace, regardless of what I *think* his reaction will be.
* Allowing myself to feel my feelings.
* Protecting myself from my own critique.
* Plugging in to what *I* want and need.
* Taking care of myself when I need it.
I did some good work in therapy these 6 months (first therapy in my life),
* connecting with the scared little girl in me that is so desperate to please,
* exposing my perfectionism and the beliefs I have to make me that way,
* exposing the dysfunctions in my family,
* and encouraging me to accept ME as is!
Of course, I am not "done", but I have started on a good path.
You all have been SO HELPFUL along the way. I read here every day and just to get that daily reminder (usually not even addressed to me - on someone else's thread - which might make it easier to hear...)
* that other people are not my responsibility to fix or change.
* That I get to be responsible for me.
* That I can accept, even uncomfortable, reality.
* That I have choices.
* That my misery is making me miserable.
* That I matter.
* That my needs matter.
I will probably have rare access to a computer, so I won't be around much till October...so I just wanted to say - you all (every one) make a difference to me. You have contributed so much to my growth and self acceptance, even when I am just lurking.
You are wise beyond measure, even when you don't know it.
SR is a gift. It has contributed to shifting my identity of helper/fixer to just me working on me!
I feel such a weight lifted.
Great hugs to you,
Peace
I didn't wrap everything up with my husband in a neat bow...but I don't feel so anxious, either.
I told him I will return and we can make decisions at that point.
I think the time away will give me time to think and work on developing more of me.
I have found so much peace in ACCEPTING him AS HE IS.
That drains the drama right out.
He has stopped drinking around me, but for a few times (in a normal manner), and is back to being fun and pleasant (albeit scared of the "new" me!) Kids are off the table, still, and I am not stressing on that. I know I am not ready to walk away from my marriage and I am taking that decision a day at a time. There is much to love and value in my partner and I continue to build myself while trying to see honestly what is so.
I continue to work on myself.
* Breathing and self-soothing when in heated discussions or scary situations.
* Little things like turning around on a hike when *I* feel done.
* Speaking my peace, regardless of what I *think* his reaction will be.
* Allowing myself to feel my feelings.
* Protecting myself from my own critique.
* Plugging in to what *I* want and need.
* Taking care of myself when I need it.
I did some good work in therapy these 6 months (first therapy in my life),
* connecting with the scared little girl in me that is so desperate to please,
* exposing my perfectionism and the beliefs I have to make me that way,
* exposing the dysfunctions in my family,
* and encouraging me to accept ME as is!
Of course, I am not "done", but I have started on a good path.
You all have been SO HELPFUL along the way. I read here every day and just to get that daily reminder (usually not even addressed to me - on someone else's thread - which might make it easier to hear...)
* that other people are not my responsibility to fix or change.
* That I get to be responsible for me.
* That I can accept, even uncomfortable, reality.
* That I have choices.
* That my misery is making me miserable.
* That I matter.
* That my needs matter.
I will probably have rare access to a computer, so I won't be around much till October...so I just wanted to say - you all (every one) make a difference to me. You have contributed so much to my growth and self acceptance, even when I am just lurking.
You are wise beyond measure, even when you don't know it.
SR is a gift. It has contributed to shifting my identity of helper/fixer to just me working on me!
I feel such a weight lifted.
Great hugs to you,
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Thanks, Alizerin.
I was just thinking about you talking about how weird it feels when no one replies to your posts and I was feeling a little forlorn like that.
I think it's cuz if I post no questions and no drama, there isn't much to say.
Nonetheless, I'd much rather have no drama...
but thanks for being sweet anyway.
I was just thinking about you talking about how weird it feels when no one replies to your posts and I was feeling a little forlorn like that.
I think it's cuz if I post no questions and no drama, there isn't much to say.
Nonetheless, I'd much rather have no drama...
but thanks for being sweet anyway.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 35
Have a wonderful summer working and living in the outdoors. You've made so much great progress in your time here and have been a real inspiration to me. Whatever happens with your marriage, it's so important for you to find YOU.
I love the song "Just Like Starting Over" that John Lennon and Yoko Ono recorded together. They had some rocky times in their marriage but remained very much in love right up till the time we lost him.
I love the song "Just Like Starting Over" that John Lennon and Yoko Ono recorded together. They had some rocky times in their marriage but remained very much in love right up till the time we lost him.
Our life together is so precious together
We have grown, we have grown
Although our love is still special
Let's take a chance and fly away somewhere alone.
We have grown, we have grown
Although our love is still special
Let's take a chance and fly away somewhere alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Thanks, lc. I am looking forward to it.
I'll share all my bear encounters, solo and group backpacking, moonlit hiking, mountain climbing challenges, rock climbing adventures, friend making, potluck parties, bird watching, yoga doing, meditation sitting by mountain lakes, photograph taking, painting in flowery meadows, cycling, swimming, waterfall viewing, campfire enjoying, ranger talk giving... wonderfulness with you (in my heart).
I'll share all my bear encounters, solo and group backpacking, moonlit hiking, mountain climbing challenges, rock climbing adventures, friend making, potluck parties, bird watching, yoga doing, meditation sitting by mountain lakes, photograph taking, painting in flowery meadows, cycling, swimming, waterfall viewing, campfire enjoying, ranger talk giving... wonderfulness with you (in my heart).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I wish you much peace and joy in the next weeks, and may the beauty surrounding you remind you of what beauty is in YOUR heart and soul.
When you return from this wonderful experience, may you be strong, faithfilled and able to decide your future life, and accept what must be accepted.
God bless
When you return from this wonderful experience, may you be strong, faithfilled and able to decide your future life, and accept what must be accepted.
God bless
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
on another note (tee hee! I can hijack my own thread!)...
reading a post by anvil saying she was rolled out of the bathroom when she was drunk reminded me of my first boyfriend. I was called over to some house because no one else wanted to deal with him. He was delirious drunk, had puked all over himself and couldn't get up off the bathroom floor. Wow. Can't believe I forgot that.
And my boyfriend (two later) came late and drunk to my 18th birthday.
How could these things be buried?
Wow...
reading a post by anvil saying she was rolled out of the bathroom when she was drunk reminded me of my first boyfriend. I was called over to some house because no one else wanted to deal with him. He was delirious drunk, had puked all over himself and couldn't get up off the bathroom floor. Wow. Can't believe I forgot that.
And my boyfriend (two later) came late and drunk to my 18th birthday.
How could these things be buried?
Wow...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
It sounds like you have been given a gift. An amazing opportunity for reflection and contemplation in communion with Mother Earth. What an adventure life can be when we allow it! I will miss you, too.
L
L
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
ok, so here's our clues so far:
bears
waterfalls
mountains
lakes
meadows (i presume alpine maybe)
rocks for rock climbing
bears
waterfalls
mountains
lakes
meadows (i presume alpine maybe)
rocks for rock climbing
Actually, I don't have a waterfall. And we have more lions than bears. But have a wonderful summer - I will miss you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
HAHAHA! I'M NOT TELLING!!!!
You make me laugh.
There are many parks with all those things...
And GiveLove...LIONS? Do you mean the mountain kind?
Anvil - fishing goes against my principles as a veg-head. But, I COULD fish there!! LOL! And what's up with the grammar police?
Naive - I'll miss your wisdom
Aww shuck, y'all! I feel so warm and fuzzy inside!
Gold- will you share more pics of your babies before I leave? C'mon...just ONE more??
Barb - don't be jealous! You could be a ranger, too!
It's summer camp for grownups...that's FUN!
You make me laugh.
There are many parks with all those things...
And GiveLove...LIONS? Do you mean the mountain kind?
Anvil - fishing goes against my principles as a veg-head. But, I COULD fish there!! LOL! And what's up with the grammar police?
Naive - I'll miss your wisdom
Aww shuck, y'all! I feel so warm and fuzzy inside!
Gold- will you share more pics of your babies before I leave? C'mon...just ONE more??
Barb - don't be jealous! You could be a ranger, too!
It's summer camp for grownups...that's FUN!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
The thing I always tell people is there is no reason you can't.
I worked my first season as an intern (I had just finished 4 years of school for something else), and I realized, "Holy COW! This is IT! THIS is what I want to do with my life!"
I remember having a conversation with my mom saying, "What am I going to do? I just spent 4 years of my life studying and now I want to be a naturalist!"
She said, "Those 4 years were the door to get you here. No regrets. Do what you have to do."
So, I asked around. "What do I have to do to do this job and get paid?"
They told me get a science degree! LOL!
So I went BACK to school.
It took 6 years total, but I did it (and loved it) and worked in parks every summer and here I am.
Follow your bliss, that's my motto.
Of course, getting permanent work with the government is like winning the lotto...but seasonal work is doable (especially if you teach during the year!).
My H and I both are trying to get permanent, but...it's a waiting game.
There are many strategies.
Meanwhile, seasonal work is summmmmmmerrrrrr caaaammmppp! (think costume parties, group hikes, campfires, sing alongs, backpacking, etc!
I worked my first season as an intern (I had just finished 4 years of school for something else), and I realized, "Holy COW! This is IT! THIS is what I want to do with my life!"
I remember having a conversation with my mom saying, "What am I going to do? I just spent 4 years of my life studying and now I want to be a naturalist!"
She said, "Those 4 years were the door to get you here. No regrets. Do what you have to do."
So, I asked around. "What do I have to do to do this job and get paid?"
They told me get a science degree! LOL!
So I went BACK to school.
It took 6 years total, but I did it (and loved it) and worked in parks every summer and here I am.
Follow your bliss, that's my motto.
Of course, getting permanent work with the government is like winning the lotto...but seasonal work is doable (especially if you teach during the year!).
My H and I both are trying to get permanent, but...it's a waiting game.
There are many strategies.
Meanwhile, seasonal work is summmmmmmerrrrrr caaaammmppp! (think costume parties, group hikes, campfires, sing alongs, backpacking, etc!
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