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lying......

Old 04-26-2010, 02:27 PM
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lying......

Pelican wrote this, and this really intriqued me to think about it...

"Asking him if he drank is giving him the opportunity to lie. You both know he lies to you. Why start your day with asking him to lie to you?"

And yes I know this is true, but the question is - shouldn't I EXPECT that my husband would be HONEST with me???????? I guess part of me thinks that if he will just admit the truth - he will see it. The other part of me HATES being lied to because his lies make me feel like I am crazy?? How do you deal with lying.....know he is lying, and wanting him to admit it???
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Old 04-26-2010, 02:29 PM
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You find someone who is capable of being truthful, your alcoholic husband is not.

Right now you're expecting something that he isn't able to give you.

Sad but true.
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Old 04-26-2010, 02:35 PM
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I agree he can't give you what you are wanting right now but you seem to keep trying to get it from him.

I know you want him to tell you the truth, but he knows the reaction from telling the truth and so he lies or they just lie to lie sometimes I think.

Detach and focus on yourself because that is what he is doing.

Hope that is not to blunt.
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Old 04-26-2010, 02:36 PM
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Originally Posted by mentallyexh View Post
shouldn't I EXPECT that my husband would be HONEST with me????????
I had the hardest time with expectations, too. Of course I should be able to expect honesty from my husband.

Someone finally explained it to me in a way I could understand. Expectations are fine for roles, but where it gets to be a problem is when we attach them to individuals.

So, yes it is fine to expect honesty from someone in the role of husband. But, the person who is filling that role in your life right now is not honest. Since you cannot change the individual, you must either change your expectations of the role, or remove him from it. Trying to force someone to meet your expectations, just because they have a particular role in your life, is much like trying to jam a square peg into a round hole.

L
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Old 04-26-2010, 04:12 PM
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with an addict,

an expectation is a future resentment
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Old 04-26-2010, 04:16 PM
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Coffee, you said it!
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Old 04-26-2010, 04:24 PM
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I second that Coffee!
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Old 04-27-2010, 12:31 AM
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same planet...different world
 
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A third for coffee!

and I love this one as well -
Expectations are fine for roles, but where it gets to be a problem is when we attach them to individuals.
nicely put, LaTeeDah.


Then LahTeeDah writes:
the person who is filling that role in your life right now is not honest. Since you cannot change the individual, you must either change your expectations of the role, or remove him from it. Trying to force someone to meet your expectations, just because they have a particular role in your life, is much like trying to jam a square peg into a round hole.
Lying is a dealbreaker with me.
It's that simple.

my whole life is filled with having been lied to.
and having been taught that it's all I deserve.

I've worked hard to learn different.

It's really that simple.
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