Ex Using Again
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Ex Using Again
Long story short, my EXAH told me last Saturday that not only has he gone back to drinking he is now back to using crack "a little".
Using crack a "little" is like vomiting a "little", which is the same as "a lot" and is NASTY. I told him flat out that he needed to get some help ASAP or else we would be back in court and I would pursue full custody. I told him to get back to rehab - "I can't, I looked, they are too expensive, etc. quack, quack, quack...." Good thing the Salvation Army offers a great free rehab program, then, huh? I said. (Dead silence followed, naturally).
I don't make enough money to pay to have the kids watched while I work nights and he can't keep money around long enough to pay his share of childcare, so he has been watching them. Yeah, that's a choice I am not happy with but there is nothing else I can do. So I drop them off and cart my unhappy self off to work and try not to worry. But it is getting harder and harder to do. I did let my bosses at work know what was going on, in case I have to leave in a hurry or if I seem less than enthusiastic sometimes. Next conversation will have to be with the school distirict - don't know how I am gonna start that one off.
So now I have to deal with this AGAIN. The kids have to suffer materially, spiritually and mentally AGAIN.
What is really pissing me off here is that yet again I have to put my life's development on hold. Had savings left over from my tax refund but will have to burn that up making up for the shortfall from child support. Just like last year when he got laid off, supposedly due to all-around cuts but, as I later found out, it was because he pissed off one of the higher ups and they axed him. They are also cutting hours at work, so maybe have to reapply for food stamps and start going back to the pantry. Dammit.
I just want to rip my hair out in frustration. He always treats me like I am 3/4 stupid and know nothing of how to really live life, yet my bills are paid (for the moment), I have no debt, my rent is current and things are taken care of. Oh yeah, and even though it is supposed to be his weekend with the kids I have to take care of them. Not that I ever really mind that, but he is not keeping up with his part of what he should be doing. Why? Because he has no food whatsoever in his fridge. My kids would go hungry if they stayed over there, so I went shopping this morning after having worked all night and cooked a big breakfast for everyone.
I know I am rambling. Whining. Ranting and feeling sorry for myself.
My mind and soul are still chewing over this new/old development and how I should react to it and what exactly I should do. Please forgive. I have only had about 4 hours of bad sleep today.
Thanks for listening.
Using crack a "little" is like vomiting a "little", which is the same as "a lot" and is NASTY. I told him flat out that he needed to get some help ASAP or else we would be back in court and I would pursue full custody. I told him to get back to rehab - "I can't, I looked, they are too expensive, etc. quack, quack, quack...." Good thing the Salvation Army offers a great free rehab program, then, huh? I said. (Dead silence followed, naturally).
I don't make enough money to pay to have the kids watched while I work nights and he can't keep money around long enough to pay his share of childcare, so he has been watching them. Yeah, that's a choice I am not happy with but there is nothing else I can do. So I drop them off and cart my unhappy self off to work and try not to worry. But it is getting harder and harder to do. I did let my bosses at work know what was going on, in case I have to leave in a hurry or if I seem less than enthusiastic sometimes. Next conversation will have to be with the school distirict - don't know how I am gonna start that one off.
So now I have to deal with this AGAIN. The kids have to suffer materially, spiritually and mentally AGAIN.
What is really pissing me off here is that yet again I have to put my life's development on hold. Had savings left over from my tax refund but will have to burn that up making up for the shortfall from child support. Just like last year when he got laid off, supposedly due to all-around cuts but, as I later found out, it was because he pissed off one of the higher ups and they axed him. They are also cutting hours at work, so maybe have to reapply for food stamps and start going back to the pantry. Dammit.
I just want to rip my hair out in frustration. He always treats me like I am 3/4 stupid and know nothing of how to really live life, yet my bills are paid (for the moment), I have no debt, my rent is current and things are taken care of. Oh yeah, and even though it is supposed to be his weekend with the kids I have to take care of them. Not that I ever really mind that, but he is not keeping up with his part of what he should be doing. Why? Because he has no food whatsoever in his fridge. My kids would go hungry if they stayed over there, so I went shopping this morning after having worked all night and cooked a big breakfast for everyone.
I know I am rambling. Whining. Ranting and feeling sorry for myself.
My mind and soul are still chewing over this new/old development and how I should react to it and what exactly I should do. Please forgive. I have only had about 4 hours of bad sleep today.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 223
You are going to have to find other child care; I know you want to, but it really can't wait. do you belong to a church, would one of the church's family watch them. Heck overnight babysitting isn't so hard. Family? Friends? The Salvation Army?
Then you can go no contact with him for a while, a long while, while he figures out how to fix his life. It seems fair, he fixes his one effed up life, and you fix everyone elses (yours and the kids).
Then you can go no contact with him for a while, a long while, while he figures out how to fix his life. It seems fair, he fixes his one effed up life, and you fix everyone elses (yours and the kids).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
If you qualify for food stamps, you can qualify for help with child care.
When I went back to work before Amber was in school, I was washing dishes. The child support I was getting didn't even cover half of daycare.
SRS has a program where they will pay a good portion, if not all, of your childcare providing it is with a registered daycare. They paid all of mine because my wages were so low. You can find approved daycares through your local county health department.
That was a lifesaver for me.
When I went back to work before Amber was in school, I was washing dishes. The child support I was getting didn't even cover half of daycare.
SRS has a program where they will pay a good portion, if not all, of your childcare providing it is with a registered daycare. They paid all of mine because my wages were so low. You can find approved daycares through your local county health department.
That was a lifesaver for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
yeah, i would do everything in my power to find other child care. it seems like we can be very resourceful, and us responsible people do what we gotta do, when we gotta do it. it feels like you have no choice here, but if he were to step in front of the proverbial bus tomorrow, what would you do then? you would find a way, because you would have to.
not scolding you, i understand desperate. but please don't leave the children with him.
not scolding you, i understand desperate. but please don't leave the children with him.
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