member31986

AH just called me from rehab. He was in there for 4 days for detox. His counselor called me this week and told me justhow sick he really is and she recommended in patient 28 day program. However, he had in his mind that he would do detox in patient then do out patient therapy at one of their branches. He was adament about coming home and not staying so now I am awaiting his arrival tomorrow. 4 days just was not long enough...He is to start 5x week outpatient next week. They told me the 1st 24 hours were critical when he comes home because there is a high rate of relaspe since there has been no therapy just detox. I told him I wanted him to stay but of course his old manipulative self tells me other wise. Was I right for even suggesting or should I have demanded it? He drove himself there so the car is there and if he coes not want to stay, whats to stop him?? So now what do I do?? I know go to Al=-anon which I will eventually get to but now I work full time and just don't have alot of extra time..I know excuses perhaps but I truly enjoy this site alot of venting answers and peace of mind. Thanks for listening to my short story. Wish me luck...on his arrival home...

hello-kitty

I wish you luck. And him too.

Do you have any boundaries for the kind of behavior you are willing to accept in your life?

I understand being busy, I work full time and I am raising a child on my own. I decided that if I was not willing to commit to my own program of recovery, it was rather short-sighted of me expect anything more of anyone else. I had to be willing to do whatever it took to improve my own life, regardless of what my addict ex did.

"Work the recovery you wish they would" is always a great place to start.

However I understand how hard it is to commit to changing ourselves and give up trying to change others. Its a lot of work. So, again, good luck. I hope your weekend is pleasant!

rdy4change

My STBEX went to treatment last week and didn't last 30 hours. Too much paperwork. My DD and I have moved out (this past Mon) and AH wishes he would have stayed in treatment. You may anticipate that....

From 'our' standpoint it is very difficult to understand how it's so tough for them to start the process and not see it through. i can't advise you how to proceed but do wish you luck.

In my opinion there is more resentment for them starting and not seeing it through than not starting it at all.

ChildrenB4AW

I will keep you and your AH in our prayers. It's best for you to define your boundaries and what you will and will not accept. Deep down, you know what you want - for your AH to stay in treatment for 28 days. You do have choices. His choice is to do out patient detox. Your choice is to decide whether you want him in the house. Your AH is going to do what he wants to do, and you have every right to do what helps you get healthy also. Although you work a full time job, and are very busy, Alanon would help free you from the fog of your family's addiction.

Good luck and keep us posted.

coffeedrinker

this statement concerned me. you are right, but, i am reading some "rolling over" between the lines. get your boundaries firm in your mind - don't roll over, just because "what can i do if he wants to...?"

imo, he is not committed to getting sober - the way that is necessary for it to stick. i hope i am wrong; just be prepared.

naive

hi member-

you're right, he can do whatever he pleases.

and so can you!

4 days detox does not a recovering alcoholic make. try to stay out of his recovey and get on with your own. i understand you are busy, but what about one hour of therapy a week, to help you deal.

i would be walking on eggshells that he will drink again very quickly and hide it. it's not nice to always be checking on them. try to detach. if he drinks, he drinks. he probably will drink.

so, it would be a good idea to establish your boundaries if/when he does drink. are you still willing to have him in the home?

naive