desesperada

So after this AH has decided yes he does need to get some help, he does have a problem, and does not want to loose his family because of it. So what does his stupid cousin do? Texts him about some stupid excuse they could use to get out of the house and drink a few (haha) coronas!!! I am glad that he realized this was a dumb idea and told him he had something he had to do, but really I don't know if he'll ever be able to quit drinking with family and friends like this. The problem is I don't think he has 1 friend that doesn't drink. I'm just praying that he'll be strong through the weekend and he can worry about next weekend 1 weekend at a time, since so far during the week it's never been a problem.

Pelican

He will have to find his way through the friendships.

I am a recovering alcoholic. I discovered that most of my "friends" were drinking buddies. Remove the alcohol and we didn't have a lot in common.

One Day at a Time for all of us!

Carol Star

The only thing he has to change is everything. If he is working a program and is going to meetings he will learn these things. I hope you are going to Alanon. As we have learned here...."work the program you wish he would work....." He will learn he can't go around" slippery places and people." People who truly care for him will respect this. Other alcoholics want him to drink so it makes what they are doing "ok." It is a simple program for complicated people. The first step is the only one he has to concentrate on now. He is powerless over alcohol. You are powerless over what he does.

smacked

As an addict/alcoholic in recovery I will just say that nothing and noone could have made me want to drink or use if I didn't already want to. They still cant..

TakingCharge999

What is your support system? alanon, therapy, SR, books, real friends.. ?

TakingCharge999

You are powerless over alcoholism.
(We are all powerless)

Its between him and God.
He will choose if he drinks

Excuses? There can be friends, family, bad economy, a soccer match, a passing cloud or mosquito. Or - why need excuses?

If he wants to drink he will drink.

Also, he will choose who he hangs out with at any given point in time.

He is an adult.



And what about you?

What will you do if he accepts an invitation and goes and gets home drunk?

What's the plan to protect you now?

What's the plan for it to sink in he will do what he wants to do and you can't control him?

I'm sorry if this sounds rude... but we "others" need very very clear boundaries to protect us from alcoholism (or toxic people in general).

You can leave (the room, the house, the restaurant, the relationship...)
You can go to al anon
You can go to a therapist one on one.
You can read books like Melody beatty "Codependent no more" or "getting them sober" (I don't remember the author!)
You can go out exercise
You can enjoy the sunshine.
You can arrange to see your best girl friend.
You can go to a spa or play spa at home, manicure/pedicure, etc.

When you focus on your life it is a much better place to be where efforts and energy deliver wonderful outcomes for your own good

3 Cs
Can't cure him
Can't control him
Didn't cause it.

3 Cs for you:
Can cure yourself.
Can control your own life as it is fit FOR YOU not anyone else.
Can cause good things to happen to you.

I am glad you keep posting. Wow this is very easy to say or write, but after more than a year of no contact I still struggle trying to change/control people or events that are out of my hands. That is codependency and it can be worked on.

coffeedrinker

if he truly wants to be clean and sober, he will be. he will learn to do what he has to. today, maybe it's an "excuse" to not go with them, but tomorrow, he may be able to understand that he has to leave some behind.