wicked

It is a quote from Alexander Hamilton Freebird, I just read it this morning in an inspirational quote I get each day. How cool is that? LOL

Anyway, Jess01, if you have dealt with an addicted person in your life before, then you know what you need to do.

Yes, absolutely Jess. Keep going with your intuition (gut) it will not steer you wrong.
Beth

FreeBird09

wicked....... REALLY!!! lol.. that is odd.. maybe I have a sixth sense.. lmao!.. and I just don't know it.. I really kept hearing that in my head.. for a while now.. because of axbf wants to come back.. and I have to keep that script playing so not to fall for.. just anything.. any words.. any.. anything..

I am a FREEBIRD!.. lol..

I love this board.. (people) you keep me improving myself..

wicked

Of course now, I have fantastic guitar riffs playing in my head!
Oh wait, maybe you are too young for that reference.
But god, they play it all the time on classic rock stations!

take a stand for yourself, so you don't fall for anything.
perfect.

FreeBird09

wicked...

I wish I was too young to know.. lol... but .. this isn't the case!.. That song is why I picked the screen name.. it really is me.... free.. and unable to change to or mold to what he needed.. an enabler..

'If I stay here with you (boy)
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.'

wicked

__________________

Learn2Live

Hey Jess, here's my advice:
RUN LIKE HELL and don't turn back. He's a grown man and he can take care of himself. Quit feeling sorry for him and quit feeling responsible for him and don't fall for that "what will I be missing" crap because it's all crap. Go girl, focus on you and your life and your future and being HEALTHY and happy, not on alcoholism and addiction. It'll drag you down. But try to go to Al-Anon or at least read up on Codependence, so you can figure out how you got involved with this kind of guy in the first place. Take care. Like I said, don't turn back.

FreeBird09

wicked.. guess what I am playing right now.. ;-)...

Maybe that song can be a good go to, grow wings.. and fly.. for you too... Jess?.. give it a try.. Skynard-- FreeBird

I am big into self motivation.. and I even got a kickbag and just.. go nuts on it.. cranking the tunes.. I lost over 250 lbs since he left..(not quite 2 years) and I am up to walking 10 miles a day..I even quit smoking... maybe, him leaving saved this freebirds life.. !!!..

I say.. you can DO THIS.. run.. run.. run..

wicked

Freebird,
You have certainly inspired me!
Wow! 250 lbs, stopped smoking and walking 10 miles a day!
Yeah, I would say it saved your life, and you could probably fly if you wanted to!
Beth

Jess01

Well I did it. We broke up.
I feel like Ive made the right choice and a weight has been lifted.

He needs to focus on getting himself better and he cant do that while in a relationship with me.

I also need to figure out why I seem to attract these kind of men.

Thanks everyone for all your guidance and support

wicked

Jess,
Great wisdom and strength shown here.
I never realized how much I was weighed down until the weight was gone.
Beth

alanonicnov2008

Wow I just got out of this. I didn't think of it as his dry alcoholism but that's exactly what it was.

Another alcoholic ex (in recovery) I had would only see the light for his behavior after months of being separated. Alcoholics are often really out of touch with their feelings, and recovering alcoholics can start thinking along a path that takes them straight back to the disease.

And we codependents have this too -- "it will be different this time", "I can fix him", "he will change", "it's better than being alone", etc.

If you stay, be ready for a lot of ups and downs and really confronting your own demons, over and over again.

FreeBird09

wicked..

Thank you.. I had so much emotional pain/baggage, and not only from him.. from the past... that I packed the pounds on, up to 400.. I took one hard look at myself and.. started walking, talking to myself.. to God... believing in myself.. I knew, the Dr. didn't have to tell me.. I was killing myself just as much as that alcoholic was. I had that choice to keep packing on the weight, or.. live. It also gave me an insight to what a struggle an addict must go through, and I needed to walk a mile (no pun intended) in his shoes to know what he may be facing (if he choose to). I am dreaming of the Appalachian trail.. I am going to walk it next year.. the entire 2175 miles.

Jess... you did the right thing, now don't go back.. don't look back.. every time we look backwards we tend to walk into a brick wall, because we weren't watching where we were headed.. life is forward.. be a forward thinker.. I know how hard it it.. you will miss him, just be glad he wasn't your high school sweetheart that you pined for all your life, or your h or w that you were married to for what seemed like forever. Look.. forward.. forward.. run.. as who runs backwards?