MissFixit

Interesting.

I see what you are saying, LTD, about when you live together there are certain things that just happen. I am not referring to that, but rather a regular repeated state of being.

I am friends with someone who I recently spent more time with. Almost immediately he went from being very courteous and friendly to slightly bossy, controlling and not checking his bodily functions around me. I was very grossed out. He wanted our relationship to be more than I did, and I am now keeping my distance. I just cannot believe that when he tries to tell me about his feelings for me or desires, is the same time he becomes too familiar around me. Don't get it. I was reading Taking Charge's thread about her boyfriend and thought waht is this as I had recently expereinced someone grossing me out.

My two long term exes were actually very polite and well mannered(major points in my book). Apart from the alcoholism in one and the not wanting to be married in the other, they are great dates and partners with respect to the superficial stuff.

Is there a middle ground? Being polite, mentally healthy and not super selfish?


Captain, I meet all these guys through friends.

LaTeeDa

Definitely a red flag in my book.

Yes, there is. And you don't have to settle for less.

L

MsPINKAcres

ok - so I'm going to jump in here with a different view point -

I think it's about your own personal boundaries - what works for you and what doesn't. . .

I allowed the Family disease of alcoholism/addiction in my life for over 16 yrs - I lived with my ex ah and all the miserable behaviors that go along with active drinking/using - from his face falling in a plate of food to going a week without showering, etc.

So now I am blessed with a wonderful HEALTHY relationship with a non-alcoholic/addict. Most of the time, he picks up after himself - but sometimes he leaves stuff where it falls, occasionally he washes the dishes and the clothes, he never cleans the bathroom, always passes gas in my presence, and likes for me to fix his coffee for him and wait on him as much as possible.

But you know when I think about all the things HE DOESN'T DO - like he's never stole money from me, in fact he provides well for me - He's not constantly lying to me, my purse can still on the dining room table and I never have to worry about it being touched, He calls me several times during the day - just to see if I'm having a good day and if I need anything and to tell me He loves me; He painted the fence and barn PINK and at the end of the day we both kneel before our God saying our prayers together that we have this PINKFUL life with each other.

So I do the balance act - yea the little bit of messyness, bodily functions and extra clean up on my part - means nothing to me - I'd take that compared to what I had to live with before on any and every day for the rest of my life!

My perspective is in the grand scheme of things - it's just not that important to me.

The other respect, dignity and love that I get from my partner makes it all worth while.

Just my thoughts on the subject!
PINK HUGS to all,
Rita

Jazzman

I think it's normal to be courteous and conscientious around others when it comes to these matters. Countless times I would excuse myself from the room or would suffer in a car or elevator waiting for the opportunity to parf in private.

Not to defend the practice mind you, in case you didn't know a proper bugger flick sends the projectile into another dimension because they are never seen again. Another proud monument to keep to ones self because this too is done in private.

Still Waters

I don't think this is about normal body functions, it's about doing things to deliberately disrespect another. In my case anyway.