lulu1974

a month of NC..he texted me asked me to send him his birth certificate and other important stuff. I replied ok. then he texted me again asking me if I filed yet. I didnt respond. He said he would file the divorce paperwork so not sure why he is asking me if I did. I am not going to respond. It got me nervous hearing from him.

KeepPedaling

A month seems to be about the time frame they stay away right? That is weird. Good call on not responding.

lulu1974

i didnt respond and so he texted me again saying ok well then i will file. ok.

MaryGoRound

I think he's testing you. Wait it out. Its actually fun to watch them react when the old tricks don't work anymore.

Maybe he's not testing you, but I think it good to wait anyways. I look at this way in the very least..there's no need to respond to ANYONE'S text immediately. iIts so easy to forget that nowadays. Just because its instant doesn't mean you have to answer instantly back.

lulu1974

i wont answer back. there is nothing left to say..

lulu1974

Actually I am no longer sure what he meant. I thought he meant divorce papers but he is out accountant so he may have meant our taxes.

lulu1974

I am struggling because he made contact. I am asking my higher power for help. Not sure why he needed to tell me he is filing. He doesnt need my permission. Since he has a lawyer he can go ahead. My lawyer is on vacation this week otherwise she would have sent. seems weird he asked me if I filed and then told me he will and he wants to proceed in a friendly manner and then wanted to know if i filed my taxes and he can do it for us. i told him no i have an appt already. then he tells me he will wait for me to get my taxes done first in case i need his deduction..which i dont need his deduction because he has nothing to deduct..I own everything so makes no sense. and why does he care if I need his deduction. Maybe he wants to seem like the nice guy. So weird. I am truly giving this over to my HP that I call God..

Freedom1990

That's a lot better than trying to second-guess what his motives were, my dear!

We can get all muddled up in that confusing circular thinking again if we don't keep the focus on ourselves, and where we want to head with our lives.

:ghug3

Learn2Live

Maybe stop reading his texts. Can you block him? The texts, voicemails, phone conversations, emails, discussions, actions, Facebook posts, things they tell their friends and family, things they tell your friends and family, NONE OF IT is EVER going to make any sense. Most, if not ALL of it, likely is manipulation anyway. Think of all your precious sanity, and precious time, that has to be wasted trying to figure out WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON every time you interact with him. It NEVER gets any better. Block him.

tpen

It's nice to see your post and know that you to struggle and ask questions. I think it's normal to wonder. However, the important thing is that you were patient and wise. Thanks for telling us - it helps me knowing that others face the same challenges. Yes, this can be an addition and an obsession on our ends wanting answers. The key is to not let it consume you. It appear you thought, double-thought but have now moved on.

tpen

So good to have the knowledge as I enter week 2. Thank you.

gerryP

Lulu,

Maybe he wants to know if you have filed for divorce, so it's not filed twice (?)

Could his deduction mean that you can claim him as a deduction?

lulu1974

When I saw my lawyer she said it didnt matter who filed first and if we each filed they just consolidate it. He initiated nc and said 4 weeks ago he was filing for divorce so I was waiting for the papers and then the text came asking me if I filed yet. I dont think there was was any reason for him to contact me so not sure why he did.

nodaybut2day

Yep. You're on the right track.

What he does, says, doesn't say or do, thinks, feels, farts, doesn't matter. It's all about you.

You you you you you you you

gerryP

Ahhhhh.....

I had a light bulb moment while dating a wacko, always trying to figure out why he was doing something or what something meant. I said to myself out loud..."hell, he doesn't even know what he is thinking." Then I left him.

I understand it's difficult to hear from him. You are going about your day and wham, not him again, out of the clear blue yonder. Ugh. Just get on with your day best you can.

lulu1974

yeap that sounds about right. lol. nothing he does makes sense cause he has no clue either...its was like.."hi..i am filing for divorce. oh do you need your taxes done cause I can do them and then ok well you get them done and then i will wait with mine to see if you need my decuction (whatever that means) ....this make sense to anybody here? If we are getting divorced then my taxes shouldnt matter at all buddy.

wicked

lulu,
he is dying to know what you are doing! dying, i tell you!
do not respond. this nice guy thing is gonna be mighty short lived, i would bet on it.
and yeah, why in the hell would he need to know what you are deducting?
sounds like personal business, not his business.
hang in there lulu.
Beth

gerryP

Yeah! While sitting on his chair trying to balance a pencil on his nose, thinking of a good reason to contact you....ya know...get a feel for where you are.....he decided...Divorce filing!! AND Taxes!!! Yeahyeah, that's the ticket! I'll text her about divorce and taxes!!

How to think like a dysfunctional 3rd grader.

lulu1974

Thanks Beth..I needed to hear that.

On the text it said, i dont want to upset you but i think we should proceed in a friendly manner with the divorce...I did respond to that one and said. Not upset. Go for it.
He then asked about the taxes again! I was like..I already told you I had it under control and you just told me we are getting divorced..NO contact rule back on..

wicked

:rotfxko

ya know gerry, this is what i pictured in my head!
ah, lulu has really not contacted me! i don't believe it!
hmmm, what can i drum up as a reason to call her?
yeah! divorce and tax filing!
hahaha
third grade is right. hehehehe

lulu, it is driving him mad, just keep on keeping on,
if only to keep him on his toes, and keep him nervous and off balance.
that was the point of contacting you.

"i dont want to upset you"
really? then why did you contact me?
pfffft.