How to remain sober and do the right thing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
How to remain sober and do the right thing.
Hi All..
Have been married 6 an a bit yrs..we have one 3yr old daughter..myself an wife both come from Alcoholic parents..ie my father was an alkie died in his mid 50s Alcohol related cancer..both my wifes parents were Alkies..her mother died mid 40s chirrosis liver failure..its not been a marriage made in heavan by any means..but its been ok..weve got along..and initially the sparkle was good..weve pretty much boozed away the 6yrs drinkin every night jus me an her..im 46 an she,s 10 yrs younger..hence the 3 yr old..weve had domestic troubles like most other normal couples..arguments on a regular basis more so as times gone on..im desperate to stop drinkin an tryin hard to do so..my wife isnt..she doesent think she has a problem and beleives its quite normal..indeed she quotes..all the girls in her work pretty much have a bottle of wine each night..my other half also has a couple of beers or ciders too...clearly are lives are heading in different directions..im staying for my daughter..and our house..which we part own..after us struggling with decent accomodation for so long..we managed a new build some 6 months ago...
we had a run in with social services..our littlen took a burn on the hand, just like kids do sometimes runnin wild around the kitchen..it was reported at her day nursery..and we ended up gettin a visitation from social services..my wife was mortified..in tears..and then so angry that anyone should think she cant look after her child..hence refuses to speak to any of the workers at the day centre..she is very proud..to proud i think..and in such a life of denial..my fear if we split..and somethin happens..i really want to bring up my daughter...but i wont leave whilst she drinks as she does..at the same time im tryin to deal with my own alcohol issues..like 12 days in again..it sure aint easy to know what to do for the best..neither of us has family jus me an her?
just needed to get it out...not really sure what the longterm solution is as yet? anyone else been or goin through similar...
Have been married 6 an a bit yrs..we have one 3yr old daughter..myself an wife both come from Alcoholic parents..ie my father was an alkie died in his mid 50s Alcohol related cancer..both my wifes parents were Alkies..her mother died mid 40s chirrosis liver failure..its not been a marriage made in heavan by any means..but its been ok..weve got along..and initially the sparkle was good..weve pretty much boozed away the 6yrs drinkin every night jus me an her..im 46 an she,s 10 yrs younger..hence the 3 yr old..weve had domestic troubles like most other normal couples..arguments on a regular basis more so as times gone on..im desperate to stop drinkin an tryin hard to do so..my wife isnt..she doesent think she has a problem and beleives its quite normal..indeed she quotes..all the girls in her work pretty much have a bottle of wine each night..my other half also has a couple of beers or ciders too...clearly are lives are heading in different directions..im staying for my daughter..and our house..which we part own..after us struggling with decent accomodation for so long..we managed a new build some 6 months ago...
we had a run in with social services..our littlen took a burn on the hand, just like kids do sometimes runnin wild around the kitchen..it was reported at her day nursery..and we ended up gettin a visitation from social services..my wife was mortified..in tears..and then so angry that anyone should think she cant look after her child..hence refuses to speak to any of the workers at the day centre..she is very proud..to proud i think..and in such a life of denial..my fear if we split..and somethin happens..i really want to bring up my daughter...but i wont leave whilst she drinks as she does..at the same time im tryin to deal with my own alcohol issues..like 12 days in again..it sure aint easy to know what to do for the best..neither of us has family jus me an her?
just needed to get it out...not really sure what the longterm solution is as yet? anyone else been or goin through similar...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
Hi Kerbcrawler. Welcome, and congratulations on starting your recovery! Are you in AA?
I guess my advice would be to get yourself to AA, get a sponsor, and focus your attention on your sobriety for now. Try not to focus on what your wife is doing. You need to focus on yourself in these early days of sobriety! The best thing you can do right now is to get strong in your sobriety.
Many AA veterans will recommend not making any major life decisions in the first year of sobriety. I think the point of that is because major change can be detrimental to your recovery.
Congratulations again! Your daughter will surely reap loads of benefits from having a sober parent!
I guess my advice would be to get yourself to AA, get a sponsor, and focus your attention on your sobriety for now. Try not to focus on what your wife is doing. You need to focus on yourself in these early days of sobriety! The best thing you can do right now is to get strong in your sobriety.
Many AA veterans will recommend not making any major life decisions in the first year of sobriety. I think the point of that is because major change can be detrimental to your recovery.
Congratulations again! Your daughter will surely reap loads of benefits from having a sober parent!
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2,481
Hey,
You're in a tough spot Kerby. I'll tell you, if you want to keep and grow in sobriety, you may need to have it in the back of your mind that the relationship will probably not work out. Like mine. Also remember, there's not an alcoholic on the planet that meant to seriously hurt their kids. But they do. All the time.
I have no advice as far as you feeling/being sorta stuck. I hope there's a way out. I hope someone posts with ideas.
You're in a tough spot Kerby. I'll tell you, if you want to keep and grow in sobriety, you may need to have it in the back of your mind that the relationship will probably not work out. Like mine. Also remember, there's not an alcoholic on the planet that meant to seriously hurt their kids. But they do. All the time.
I have no advice as far as you feeling/being sorta stuck. I hope there's a way out. I hope someone posts with ideas.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
Thanks i dont want to publicly announce to the world im an alcoholic..as it may have longterm reverberations as far as future single parenthood issues so to speak...i have a healthy or unhealthy distrust of certain Authoritarians...sorry also deduct 6months for her from that 6 yr binge with childbirth...
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome Kerby!
I am a recovering alcoholic as well as a recovering (ex) partner of an alcoholic. I got sober but my partner did not. It was tough living with active alcoholism while I was working on my sobriety. I stayed for about 6 months and finally had enough of living with active alcoholism.
It is very hard to maintain sobriety while living with active alcoholism, but it is not impossible. I agree with the others that your priority has to be your own recovery from addiction. Your relationship is not your priority at this time. I had to get myself healthy and grounded in recovery before I could begin to make changes in my relationship.
Congratulations on your sobriety. Keep on keeping on!
I am a recovering alcoholic as well as a recovering (ex) partner of an alcoholic. I got sober but my partner did not. It was tough living with active alcoholism while I was working on my sobriety. I stayed for about 6 months and finally had enough of living with active alcoholism.
It is very hard to maintain sobriety while living with active alcoholism, but it is not impossible. I agree with the others that your priority has to be your own recovery from addiction. Your relationship is not your priority at this time. I had to get myself healthy and grounded in recovery before I could begin to make changes in my relationship.
Congratulations on your sobriety. Keep on keeping on!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
OK, Thanks i get the picture...strength of sobriety first...funny with all this goin on an reachin a head...the fact ive been helpin her maintain her lifestyle in alcoholism..by gettin her booze for her everyday...as she dont drive..this am gonna stop...tonight she says..she wants to stop monday..maybe she can come on here an give her side of things...nothins ever one sided Right!!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I would also strongly recommend you find yourself some Alanon meetings and start attending those. There are several of us here at SR who are AA and Alanon.
Personally, I couldn't stay sober in a toxic environment. I had to make the painful decision to leave my EXAH.
I don't regret it one bit either.
Personally, I couldn't stay sober in a toxic environment. I had to make the painful decision to leave my EXAH.
I don't regret it one bit either.
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