HoopNinja

The last couple months have been good and bad. We sold our old house and closed on it 2 weeks ago. I found a new house I could afford for me and the kids and can move in in about 2 weeks. I have been very good about setting my boundaries and sticking to them.
AH has been extremely verbally abusive to many people who have helped me in the last couple weeks. He tried to pick a fight with my nephew and BIL 2 weeks ago when I moved. At the closing--after I left he screamed at the agent calling her horrible names and basically denigrating her integrity. She was terrified of him because he had a cup of hot coffee and she thought he was going to throw it at her. She said she had to yell back to maintain her integrity and was extremely upset that the title company did not call the police.

He just called me--pissed off because once again he is unable to get a loan to buy a house. Then started to scream at me because I am able to buy a house. Basically--how come you get to buy a house and I have to pay you child support. The fact he has no money is of course my fault. I did not even start to ask him how much he was spending on booze and drugs. I just said, wow, I’m surprised because based on what you pay me in child support you should have lots of money left over for a house. He hung up.

A couple weeks ago he was acting suicidal and you all reminded me that he has a family he could dump this on but decided to puke it all up at my feet--and not to let him do it. I didn't and you were all right--just another ploy to get sympathy and draw me back in.

I will admit I am afraid of him right now. Rumor has it he is now smoking crack too. He is acting very bizarre and is angry about everything that has to do with the divorce and I am the bit** that is doing it to him. His thoughs, not mine. I have decided to get my 9 year old son his own phone programmed with emergency numbers. The sad thing is--I have no way to prove he is an alcoholic and drug abuser--so I cannot prevent him from seeing the kids. That scares me the most.

MsPINKAcres

((wife2kids))

Sounds like a scary situation!
Even tho you may not be able to "prove" that he is an alcoholic/drug abuser - you might want to consider documenting this outbreaks of anger. Especially the fact that the agent even felt threatened. You may need this information should his anger escalate and it become unsafe for visitation for the children.

Good for you for not taking on all the junk he is trying to dump - He's a big boy and taking responsibility for his own actions, decisions and thoughts is HIS business not for you.

Remember, you deserve to live Happy, Joyous and Free - without that type of stress and so do those precious little ones - Keep taking such great care of YOU!!
HUGS, (hope, unity, gratitude and serenity)
Rita

LaTeeDa

I agree about the anger. Maybe instead of taking his calls, you can let them go to voice mail. Then you have recorded evidence. Just a thought.

L

transformyself

Congratulations on your hard word. Taking those steps of faith.

I bet there are ways of proving he's an alcoholic. I'd say getting that agent, your BIL and others on record is a great start. At least document he's an abusive, scary person.

stella27

((hugs)) You are doing great. hang in there.

I have a phone just like that for my 8, almost 9, year old son.
I think that for right now, it's the best we can do.

Ceres

I told mine to use email. He got into name calling a bit. I just said:

"Might want to chill on the name calling and irrational blame, as I'm keeping all these emails"

Lo and behold - It worked.

suki44883

I agree...voice mail or email. That way, you can choose to respond or not, in your own time.

Sting

If you have joint custody then you can make a case that your ex has a drinking/drug problem and have a few people testify on your behalf. The judge may then order random testing when he has the kids. This way if he is caught in testing, visitation can be further limited or made to be supervised. I have a similar situation and because there is no criminal record, it is hard to prove but I have plenty of friends and family that would tell the court what they have observed. This will be enough for the judge to issue the random screenings. In fairness, we would both be subject to them when we were in care of the children. I am sure different states handle this differently, but that has been my attorney's advice.