Am I doing the right thing...?
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 16
Am I doing the right thing...?
I am so sorry I haven't updated, it was rude of me not to...I've been so caught up in everything. For those who've asked, I just wanted to let you know that my son and I are staying 8 hours away from my husband and have been since mid-December, I couldn't stay with him and live with the constant stress anymore or put my 2-year-old through it. We are staying with family and he is surrounded by love and playing with his cousins every day. I'm trying to keep him safe from the chaos. He saw me crying the other night and he came up and leaned his head on me and said "Mommy cry?" and it just reassured me that I did the right thing moving us away.
I think because my husband would go weeks/months without drinking when we lived together, it allowed me to reason to myself that he wasn't really an alcoholic, that he just drank too much sometimes. Now that I'm not living with him, he's just gone on a completely downward spiral. He's drinking all the time. He's off work this week and he's been on prescription pills, alcohol, and who knows what else. He has gotten really really paranoid, and keeps calling/emailing me saying that someone is trying to kill him. It's really scary. I feel safe where I am, I am far away, and he hasn't mentioned trying to come here. It's so, so sad to see him like this. He sounds like he's not even there. He's whispering on the phone, saying that people are outside of his apartment and that he's been set-up, someone's after me, etc.
About an hour ago, my phone rang and it was him. He said he didn't know where he was, and that someone had called the police. He sounded very drunk. I heard sirens and the police got there and started asking him his name, what he was doing in that area, etc. The phone hung-up. A few minutes later, an officer called my phone and told me they were going to keep him for 3 or 4 hours, until he sobered up. I told the cop about the strange things he's been saying, and the paranoia, but he said he doesn't meet the criteria for a 72-hour mental health hold. He said he will re-evaluate him in a few hours and call me back.
I don't know what to do besides cut him off and let him fall. I can't go see him, I can't put myself in a dangerous situation, especially with all of this erractic behavior. But he is all alone, all of his family is in the UK. I am the only one he has here. There's nothing I can do for him is there? I've come to realize that he is very sick, and nothing short of long-term, professional help is going to change him. It's horrible watching him do this to himself. He has his own business and he's going to lose his clients if he doesn't get it together. Do I just let him hang himself? I don't see any other way at this point. I just need to take care of myself and our son. But it's sooo hard to be happy when I know he's destroying himself like this. At the same time, you can't make someone get help. This is such H E L L. It's hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it. But it's enveloped my whole life, my every day. It's just complete madness.
I think because my husband would go weeks/months without drinking when we lived together, it allowed me to reason to myself that he wasn't really an alcoholic, that he just drank too much sometimes. Now that I'm not living with him, he's just gone on a completely downward spiral. He's drinking all the time. He's off work this week and he's been on prescription pills, alcohol, and who knows what else. He has gotten really really paranoid, and keeps calling/emailing me saying that someone is trying to kill him. It's really scary. I feel safe where I am, I am far away, and he hasn't mentioned trying to come here. It's so, so sad to see him like this. He sounds like he's not even there. He's whispering on the phone, saying that people are outside of his apartment and that he's been set-up, someone's after me, etc.
About an hour ago, my phone rang and it was him. He said he didn't know where he was, and that someone had called the police. He sounded very drunk. I heard sirens and the police got there and started asking him his name, what he was doing in that area, etc. The phone hung-up. A few minutes later, an officer called my phone and told me they were going to keep him for 3 or 4 hours, until he sobered up. I told the cop about the strange things he's been saying, and the paranoia, but he said he doesn't meet the criteria for a 72-hour mental health hold. He said he will re-evaluate him in a few hours and call me back.
I don't know what to do besides cut him off and let him fall. I can't go see him, I can't put myself in a dangerous situation, especially with all of this erractic behavior. But he is all alone, all of his family is in the UK. I am the only one he has here. There's nothing I can do for him is there? I've come to realize that he is very sick, and nothing short of long-term, professional help is going to change him. It's horrible watching him do this to himself. He has his own business and he's going to lose his clients if he doesn't get it together. Do I just let him hang himself? I don't see any other way at this point. I just need to take care of myself and our son. But it's sooo hard to be happy when I know he's destroying himself like this. At the same time, you can't make someone get help. This is such H E L L. It's hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it. But it's enveloped my whole life, my every day. It's just complete madness.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
Glad to know you and your son are okay. That is the most important thing.
You are right...there is nothing you can do for him. He will either get help for himself or he won't. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.
Keep taking care of yourself and your son. Try not to concern yourself about what he is thinking or what he is doing. He's the one who needs to worry about all that, and he's the only one who can change it.
You are right...there is nothing you can do for him. He will either get help for himself or he won't. It sucks, but that's just the way it is.
Keep taking care of yourself and your son. Try not to concern yourself about what he is thinking or what he is doing. He's the one who needs to worry about all that, and he's the only one who can change it.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Yep, Suki is right.
Try to focus on your little boy. He is only going to be this little for a nano second. Before you know it, you'll be chasing after him for a little bit of attention.
I so regret the huge chunk of my kids lives I wasted worrying about their father. I'll never get that back.
I had to work through my issues, process them, and become detached in order to be present with my children. It's new, too, but I work at it every day.
They're what matters, not the man trying to hill himself with booze. He;s an adult and is making his own choices.
Thanks for checking in. You're going to be ok and yes, you're doing the right thing. NO contact will give you the space you need to find sanity. .
Try to focus on your little boy. He is only going to be this little for a nano second. Before you know it, you'll be chasing after him for a little bit of attention.
I so regret the huge chunk of my kids lives I wasted worrying about their father. I'll never get that back.
I had to work through my issues, process them, and become detached in order to be present with my children. It's new, too, but I work at it every day.
They're what matters, not the man trying to hill himself with booze. He;s an adult and is making his own choices.
Thanks for checking in. You're going to be ok and yes, you're doing the right thing. NO contact will give you the space you need to find sanity. .
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hello hopelesswife-
thank you for the update. i am relieved to hear you and your son are in a position of safety. well done.
upon reflection, i feel if i was walking a mile in your shoes, i would alert his family in the UK and also the doctor that prescribed the meds. your husband sounds delusional and incapable of making sane decisions.
i know it's hard, but your top priority is to keep yourself and that little boy safe. i would do what i could from a distance and then leave it in the hands of professionals trained to handle neurosis.
naive
thank you for the update. i am relieved to hear you and your son are in a position of safety. well done.
upon reflection, i feel if i was walking a mile in your shoes, i would alert his family in the UK and also the doctor that prescribed the meds. your husband sounds delusional and incapable of making sane decisions.
i know it's hard, but your top priority is to keep yourself and that little boy safe. i would do what i could from a distance and then leave it in the hands of professionals trained to handle neurosis.
naive
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I feel much the same as naive has posted, in that I would let some reliable member of his family know exactly what has occurred and what is happening now. Certainly I would contact his GP or whoever he was seeing for his meds etc, and let them know what the position is, and I would ask their input as well.
Why should you bear the brunt of his addiction and medical fallout?
I am so relieved that you are both safe, and keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
God bless
Why should you bear the brunt of his addiction and medical fallout?
I am so relieved that you are both safe, and keep you in my prayers and thoughts.
God bless
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