nodaybut2day

My XAH's Jekyll and Hyde was so intense I suspect bipolar disorder...but that can never be confirmed. He often suffered from depressive episodes where he felt that he was completely worthless, that nothing could make him feel better, that *everyone* was out to get him or hurt him...to get out of these, he often self-medicated with alcohol, videogame playing, moviewatching (like, for DAYS), and sometimes cocaine, ecstasy and marijuana. The way I saw him, his entire existence was about coasting from one depressive episode to the next, constantly recovering, rewarding himself for doing so, and then "suffering" once again from the pain that life/humanity inflicted on him.

I used to see the Dr. Jekyll side in the beginning of our relationship; there was sweetness, caring, and loads of creativity, but it was fickle, unstable and required a LOT of boosting from me. That side of him was also more present when his son was younger...perhaps it brought out the tenderness in him. As his son got older and "more difficult", he was often subjected to Mr. Hyde.

Gradually Mr. Hyde took over Dr. Jekyll until there was almost never a "happy phase". Eventually, I came to believe that XAH simply does not have the capacity for happiness. He only knows how to live in pain and subsequently how to inflict it on others.

littlefish

JenT wrote: After I read "Under the Influence", I threw the word "concept" out the window and totally embraced the fact that alcoholism is a disease. I would highly recommend that book to anyone who, like me, is a (hopefully recovering) codependent to several alcoholics in my family. I am also an alcoholic, ha, I get two rollercoaster rides for the price of one.

As a codependent and an alcoholic, I have to stay far away from being convinced that MY view of reality is in any way safe or realistic. In recovery with the 12 steps, I have to constantly question how valid MY view of reality is. MY view as a codependent and an alcoholic messed up my life real good, so, how good is MY view after all?

Yes, set the boundaries, yes, follow the 3 C's, I agree. But isn't a primary question how long you are going to choose to live "near" the untreated alcoholic, or will you make the clear demand of recovery or leave?
I guess I didn't express myself all that well, sorry. The impression I gleaned from this thread was "if alcoholics suffer from a dual personality syndrome". My response essentially was the same as yours that it matters not a bean. But I respectfully disagree with you that it is not a great shrouded mystery to understand alcoholism, it is a disease.

I of course, as an alcoholic, hated that idea and resisted it because it gave me the option to try and "work on myself" and "change my life" when what I needed to do plain and simple was stop drinking and work a program of recovery that would keep me away from ever drinking again.

FindingPeace1

My intent was not a discussion on if alcoholics are split personality.
I was more interested in what we do with the "sides".
How we handle it or understand it.
What do we learn of ourselves while dealing with it.

LaTeeDa

Something I learned about myself is that I need the important people in my life to be predictable and reliable. I know this is not possible at a 100% level, because the unexpected happens. But, never knowing what to expect, not being able to rely on my partner wreaked havoc in my life and my children's lives. I learned there is a huge difference between the unexpected curve balls life sometimes throws at you, and the constant state of not knowing what might happen from one day to the next. The former makes life interesting, the latter makes me a nervous wreck.

L

JenT1968

FWIW I don't think alcoholism is a mystery, I think it's an addiction. My over-wordy point with my previous post is that I don't think it matters whether someone else's behaviour occurs because they are an alcoholic, in recovery or otherwise, or not.

what matters is that the behaviour occurs, and from that whether I choose to continue to expose myself to it.

sorry to derail WOad:

yes

Emptywallet

I can understand why people introduce themselves as multi-issue people. My spouse is an alcoholic/drug addict who was diagnosed as bi-polar. What I've found is the alcohol and drugs intensify her mood swings but to be honest lately I've realized she's Jekyl/Hyde with or without substances.

lulu1974

At this early stage of my recovery..I dont think I can identify exactly ..after a while he just stayed as Mr Hyde whether he was drunk or sober. But I think at times I was so overwhelmed I had Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde myself.

Seti

I was always reminded of this story when my husband drank the weird thing was I new all that personality traits in him sober but he knew how to control them and he cared for me and others ... But drunk he was selfish and immature and would become a creature I detested.. And more I detested the character he would become more resilient and not caring, deeper into insanity.. There was times he would not come out of that character completely before going back in again .. And when he was out he felt so much guilt and frustration it was hard to have a discussion about it.. I'm so grateful to AA and for not see that side of him for some time(not exactly another person but how he would be without any inhibitions) ... In the end the only way is for the person himself wanting to deal with his disease.. as one person