bookwyrm

I've been really down since the start of the year - trying to fight it but not very successfully. I've been on anti depressants for years - my current med and dose have kept me stable and out of the asylum for the past 2 years.

So, I went to the doctors today for a repeat prescription of anti depressants and to ask, yet again, for a referral to counselling. It wasn't my usual GP - I'd left it late again and just took the first appointment with whoever. Anyway, I got there, asked for the prescription and the counselling. The doctor focuses in on my weight. She takes my blood pressure (its ALWAYS normal, much to the consternation of the medical profession) and asked me, very bluntly, what I think I'd get from counselling. Then goes on to refer me to a program of exercise to lose weight. And I just very quietly started to cry. And have been crying on and off all day. I normally don't cry a lot (especially now I don't have XAH around). I find it hard to ask for help, especially from the medical profession. The doctor didn't ask me why I was crying - she just ignored it. She did tell me she was referring me for counselling as I left. But I've still been feeling really low all day... I'm not a person with feelings, just a walking weight problem.

I feel like I've been barely managing to hold it together - all it takes is one little thing to send me spiralling downwards. I'm never going to get rid of this depression. I've had it on and off for all of my adult life.

I'm just having a bad day - this too will pass...won't it?

Maybe I ought to be posting this in the mental health forum - its just that I never venture from here - its my 'safe' place!

Freedom1990

Would a hug help? :ghug3

I am so blessed to have a wonderful primary care physician, and he's seen me cry more than once!

I have sought out counseling at the local mental health center off and on since the early 90's, and I just made an appointment to start back up again because my depression has been worse too.

Your feelings do count, and I'm so sorry the doctor you saw had the empathy of a bar of soap!

:ghug3 :ghug3

Ceres

<ugh> Doctors sometimes.

I come from a long line of completely wacky (and most interesting) women. I'm a total nut. I'm highly medicated on Zoloft for depression and anxiety and Lamactil as a mood stabilizer. I also generally like who I am. Except when it comes to men. :-P

Anyway, I had prescriptions from MD's for antidepressants before. Then I went to a great phychiatrist who changed EVERYTHING. I'm pretty darn stable (all things considered).

Maybe checking out a new phychiatrist can do it for ya?

<hugs>

NYC_Chick

I'm so sorry you are down today. Can you see a new doctor. This one sounds awful.

I think therapy will help a load. It gets better. It always does. In the meantime, huge his coming your way! Hang on there! I'll keep you in my prayers : )

bookwyrm

Thanks guys...the support and hugs are just what I needed.

And anvil, you scarily psychic woman, of course I'm eating all sorts of crap - I comfort eat! I've been eating way too much for the past month and I do need to get back to my healthy eating. I had been losing weight (and not just the ginormous one off my back when XAH left), slowly but steadily till this year. Its just been one thing after another....

Freedom1990

I'm in the same boat as you gal. I've got pounds to shed, and comfort foods are exactly what I've been indulging in!

Now that the weather has started warming up, I've decided to commit to a daily walk, even if it's just around a couple of blocks!

wicked

Bookwyrm,

I am sorry, I know how hard it is to ask for help, especially when you feel down. I have a major depressive disorder. I took Prozac for many years, but it stopped working. The docs just kept upping the dosage. Bah. Finally, I got up the nerve to tell the therapist that I didn't feel well and hadn't been for months. She practically accused me of lying to her.
So, finally I just went to the psychiatrist at the VA Hospital. Can you talk to a psych doc instead of a GP? I know how it sucks to even use the phone, I hated to do anything like that. I am not sure how the health system works in the UK, but in the VA system, they just want you to keep going to a satellite clinic and not clog up the Hospital.
Well, the VA Hospital is where the psychiatrists are. GEEZ!!

Bookwyrm,
I highlighted what anvilhead said because this was true for me. I was using carbohydrates and comfort food (one in the same really) to satiate myself and nap alot.
If you could find the energy to walk around a little it could help. Once I started, I noticed a difference in a few days and started to look forward to it. Then, I saw the psychiatrist and got a new medication. I cannot believe the difference. There is hope, and you will feel better. I know this.


:rotfxko

edited to add
of course my advice is late because of all the words.
so glad for everyone here.

roxiestone

Bookwyrm, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It does just stink, doesn't it? I hope you find the counseling helpful. I know that I did.

And I will offer this from my own experience - eating junk drags me down mentally. Seriously, crap carbs kept me down, down, down. Everybody's chemistry is different, but for me, it was like I was buying depression by the bag, or dozen, or pan.

Having my body feel as good as it could made a huge difference in how I was/am able to handle the body blows that life hands us sometimes.

Sending good thoughts your way.

TakingCharge999

book I hope you find a book about a strong woman, it always inspired me, if women can be so strong among the worse of adversities and find meaning, even joy, imagine what's in store for you?

I got a clock on my computer that counts backwards. Reminds me that I won't be around forever, maybe this is my last day? what would be the BEST way to spend it?

Good luck with meds, I'm finally off Lexapro and I think its delicate stuff... I hope I never need them again.

ItsmeAlice

Book, I'm so sorry for your hurt feelings and so angry at that pissant MD. It chaps me when docs walk into an appointment with their own agenda. Whether it's something they are distracted by, like my weight, or something they think they have a handle on and just want to note their chart and move on to the next patient, I don't care. The minute they don't focus on caring for the patient as an individual, they might as well not bother going to work.

I'd been going to a practice for years and had ongoing IBS issues. I went in with lower quadrant pain for days that was getting worse. I was seen by a new doctor who was doing a once-over and found I had some ear wax buildup. After days of pain and no sleep, I didn't give a rats behind about ear wax. The next thing I know, she shoves that scope so far into my ear I heard a pop and felt blinding pain on the side of my head. I brushed the scope aside and started to cry. That idiot doc actually struggled with me to put that thing back in my ear telling me I was being difficult. I told her off and told her to get out of the room. I could hear her ranting down the hallway when she left. I was leaving when she came back with a nurse. I told them I would go to another doctor for my stomach pain and now ear pain. The doctor angrily said I needed a psychiatrist, too. I told her she needed a lawyer. I did return to the practice to see my regular physician for a referral and not surprisingly there was no evidence left of that doctor at the office.

You are not alone in feeling unheard. Please do not despair. I think Alizerin has a point. Medical doctors can only prescribe certain meds in certain doses when it comes to managing depression and such issues. A mental health professional can offer far more for you medicinally, homeopathically, and therapeutically. Maybe a specialist is in order.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with sending a complaint to the practice about the doctor if it will make you feel better about the experience. Maybe they'll ship her off to parts unknown where that doc of mine went.

(((Hugs))))

Alice

Lenina

(((bookwyrm)))

Just wanted to send you some hugs.

Love,

Lenina

Learn2Live

bookwyrm, I KNOW you do not get enough sun light where you live, especially during these winter months. THAT causes depression and makes it worse for those of us who are already struggling with depression. So, first, try to get out on the sunny days you do get there. When you do, make sure the light enters the eye and passes through the retina from ABOVE your head.

Second, try a Vitamin D supplement during these winter months.

Third, look into getting a light box but definitely talk to your doctor about it before you buy anything. I got a GoLite, which is a blue light. There is also a web page you can go to that has a survey you take and tells you what time is best for you to do light therapy. If and when you get the light box, email me and I'll send you the link.

Fourth, especially if you have been taking the same med for a few years, try getting a new psych and see about getting your meds reviewed. I have also been depressed my entire life and have finally found the RIGHT anti-depressant for me. There are new classes of anti-depressants out there than previously, and it is well worth giving them a try.

And find some FUN people who make you laugh to be around! There's no substitute for a fun and funny friend.

Hang in there girl! I am thinking of you!

Bucyn

Do you need a referral to counselling or can you just book one yourself?

And why not make another appt and make sure you get your regular doctor again.

What kind of doctor won't refer someone to counselling who's asking for it?

Also, do you have a Employee Assistance Program at work? Can they refer you?

bookwyrm

Thanks everyone - the support here is wonderful, especially when I have been isolating myself over the past few months!

Learn2live - I had a light box and it got broken when I moved in September. I very stupidly though that, since I was finally free, I wouldn't need it. Hah! Well, there's a lesson learned for me. I had forgotten all about it till you mentioned it! A friend emailed me last night, wanting to meet up on Sat for a meal and a catch up. I was thinking of declining but, you know what, you're right. I will go. How did you know she emailed?!!

Jadmack25

The days when a Dr was treated as a little tin god, are over, and thank goodness for it.
Nursing back in the 1960's, was complicated by us not allowed to even speak direct to a doctor, let alone question his decisions ect.

Patients were expected to take whatever their GP advised as gospel, no questions or discussion.....take the damn tablets and shut up sort of relationship.

Now the ideal of a doctor/patient relationship is a partnership to keep the patient as healthy and as informed as is possible. As I say, that is the idea, but of course there are always some medics.....doc's and nurses...who are throwbacks to the old days, and I think you got one of those.

Exercise certainly gives us a physical high, and losing weight if necessary can help too, so that doc wasn't wrong there, just didn't have a very good "bedside" manner, and how a Dr interacts with you is as important as their ability to diagnose.

When I needed help with depression some years ago, my GP was very caring and supportive and she referred me to therapists as if she was reading my mind. She said that a person with unhealthy emotions, already felt screwed by life, and didn't need to get it done again by their doctor.

I like GL's suggestions about the light box and vit D, and would also suggest a multivitamin, taken about 4 weeks before the start of winter.

I need to lose at least 2 stone in weight, but can't use walking, bicycling etc, as exercise due to nerve problems in my foot, so I feel down and miserable and tend not to eat as healthy as I should.....so up goes the weight, which further presses on the nerves.
Like a
Perhaps when I have had the surgery and rehab, I will be able to lose some weight, and not look like a blimp at my GD's wedding later this year.

I am glad your friend contacted you and that you are going out with them, it is a big step towards healing. Now hopefully you get the counselling you asked for, and that will be another step along the recovery track for you.

God bless

Thumper

I'm so sorry you are feeling down. That doctor was disgraceful. I agree with L2L about the sun. I have a much harder time in the winter, and this time of year esepcially because the winter has been so long by now, and I'm not even diagnosed with depression or on any medications for it.

Ceres

Oh, I did want to add that many nutritionists who are sought for weight issues first recommend the vitamins. As being properly vitaled ;-) - Is a crucial start.

Learn2Live

Sometimes you can get a used light box locally or even on Amazon. Also, where you live you might need it year round; I would ask my doctor if it is necessary for you year round. Research is showing that light and what happens with our eyes is implicated in all sorts of mental health issues, including depression, ADHD, schizophrenia, etc.

Carol Star

I am a recovering addict so my recovery therapist put me on 5HTP (from the health food store) and Valarian for anxiety. The first one gets your brain chemistry right. I agree with the sunlight and vitamin D also. I walk for exercise. The book by Eckart Tolle changed my life......A New Earth. You can see him online talking with Oprah if you type in A New Earth. They talk chapter by chapter....check out Ch.8 I think it is.....the painbody. At Rite-aid I found Valarian and 5HTP together in one capsule and haven't had any problems since with depression or anxiety......GOOD LUCK.

Carol Star

Oooops I just checked it is Ch.5 not 8 of A New Earth-Oprah......webclasses.....with Eckart Tolle.....the painbody......Ch.5