Lore

My first time on here and just not sure where or if its ok to just blurt out my feelings. I've been married to a recovering alcholic for 11yrs, but not so much the typical story...if someone could just give me go ahead to start blurting.. thanks.

wanting

Let it all out, bb! We're listening. Though...I'm going to bed and will catch up in the morning! Zzzzzzzzzzz...

Lore

I married a Native American 11yrs ago. Prior to our marriage I knew he had an issue with alcohol. He could go 2months or so without drinking at all, but then lookout..for whatever reason he would hit the bar and be there til he was falling down drunk. By the grace of God, he has never hurt or killed anyone while driving drunk. He has had at least 6 dui’s prior to me meeting him. With all the technology of todays time, if he gets 1, all the others will show on ncic, causing permanent loss of license let alone the jail time and expenses. I told him many times before he proposed to me, that the drinking would be the one thing that would ruin us. He stopped. Completely on his on…but nowI’m starting to worry again. He had reached a point that he could have a beer or a mixed drink and that was it, has done that several times over the past several yrs. I, on the other hand, have not ever been able to completely stop worrying myself sick, even if he was just a little late coming home from work, it made me wonder if he was at the bar. This being the middle of March, he has drank 3 times in the last month.. and was completely drunk 2 of those times. I’m scared. This is more than he has drank in 11yrs. We’ve had family(native american) in town to visit, and they drank regularly..but they knew he had stopped drinking. I want to think its just because he wants to make them feel comfortable or relive some of their youth. I dont know, maybe I’m just making excuses. But I’m hurt, I’m mad, I’m scared. Its taken me along time to feel some what safe with his ability to say “no thanks, I’m not good at drinking”, his coined phrase for all these yrs. I don’t know what to do. One minute I’m wanting to pack my bags and run..the next I want to convince myself that it just happened, and we wont have a rerun of his past. He is a wonderful person, great provider, very caring and giving. Alchohol is the only real fault I can find in him. Yes, our marriage vows said for better or for worse, sickness and health..but isn’t that suppose to work both ways. How can he love me so much, but yet be so inconsiderate to do the one thing he knows I cant tolerate. He knows how I’ve worried for yrs, and he did great..but now this is causing me to relive all those times before he “quit”. It causes me to think less of him, itsmakes me feel he doesnt have any respect for my feelings, that he thinks, “oh well, I’ve been a good boy, so it’ll be ok, it was just a couple of screw ups”. I’m in a bad position, we just moved out of our home, waiting on a job transfer. I have lived within a 30mile radius my entire life, and now looking at going who knows where. What if his drinking is going to resurface again, and there I am, strange place, knowing no one, feeling trapped. I’ve always considered myself a strong woman, but I can’t help wondering. This is so out of character for the man I came to know, but yet so familiar of the person I met. He is not a violent or mean drunk to others, just very hateful to me, so different, not the man I love. I know this isn’t Dear Abby or Dr Phil, just looking for opinions or if others have experienced anything like this. As I said, I’m scared for him, for myself, for our future. I love him dearly and am still in love with him, but I dont want to worry for the rest of my life of what "may" happen. I'm sure he feels he still has it all under control, but thats the way alot of people lose control. Any thoughts or opinions are appreciated…Thanks

Lore

Thanks for listening Wanting. Good night or Good Morning

Pelican

Welcome to the Sober Recovery Family!

You will find support and information for yourself here. Some of our stories are in the permanent posts (stickies) at the top of this forum. In reading our stories, you will see that you are not alone - no matter where you live.

AlAnon meetings are 12 step support meetings for friends and family of alcoholics (whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not). They have locations all across the world. I have moved in the last year and one of the first resources I looked for in my new community was AlAnon meetings.

In Alanon I learned about the 3 C's of addiction:
I did not cause it
I could not control it
I would not cure it

Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed. We are here to support YOU!

nodaybut2day

Hi Lore and WELCOME TO SR!!! I'm so glad you found this place; the people here have been my lifesaver more than once.

Now, regarding your husband, it sounds from reading your post that you have a problem with his drinking, right? If that is the case, then the problem needs addressing. It doesn't matter what he thinks about it, what matters is what YOU want out of your life. Your mention not wanting to feel constantly worried and scared. That's an entirely valid concern.

You also mention that your husband is a good man, a good provider and yet, when he drinks he's "just very hateful to me, so different, not the man I love". Let me gently point out that these two "personalities" are BOTH part of your husband. You cannot divorce the drunkeness from him. It's who he is, and right now, today, it's the only person he's willing to be. Do you love and accept him fully, as he is today?

Just food for thought.

Please keep posting as much as you want! That's what we're here for

NYC_Chick

Hi and welcome! You will find great support here! Read the stickies at the top of the forum. It will help. For now, keep posting : )