Persevere

I am a newbie to this site and find it very helpful.

My wife is returning tomorrow from a month at rehab out of state. She had told me by texting as she is more comfortable with that right now.

She just informed me that her sponsor is picking her up from the airport and wants to meet in counseling a couple of days later with our therapist to discuss some issues.

I have been totally supportive regarding her choice to seek help with her addiction to alcohol.
I have some idea of what to expect and will keep an open mind.

I have started with clearing the house of alcohol at her request.

Please help me with any experiences you have had and how I can help her transition in the early stages.

Thank you,
Jason

littlefish

Jason,
You sound like a caring and loving husband. It is an excellent idea to remove all alcohol from the house. When I first quit drinking my husband didn't want to do that and in the beginning he even tried to sabotage my sobriety.
So, first, you are doing the right thing by removing the alcohol. It might be months and even years before you can keep alcohol in the house.

Secondly, be prepared that she might need to rely on her sponsor and lots of meetings in the beginning. Don't assume she is rejecting you or that things are going wrong between you: she will NEED those meetings and contact with her sponsor as well as others in AA or, whatever other program she is using.

There were lots and lots of times in the beginning when the only thing between me and that first drink was a meeting. I wasn't always home to cook dinner. Most of the time, I prepared a dinner for them and left.

You might also be prepared that she feels sad and frustrated. Early sobriety can be an emotional roller coaster ride and people often expect instant happiness when they actually are looking at a long process of internal examination, and that can be painful and depressing.

Good luck and kudoes to your lady for taking that first important step towards lasting sobriety.

transformyself

Hi Jason
Call me crazy but I bet the absolute best thing you can do is soup up your own program, and leave hers alone. I know it sounds contradictory, but seriously, by detaching with love and showing her (and yourself) that you're taking care of yourself, you'll be allowing her to do this the way it must be done==for herself.

And-here's the best news--you'll feel better! Yes, love her, but show her you trust her but letting her work her program and you work yours.

You can start by putting the focus you yourself, right now, for today. What do you want to do today that'll make your life better? How are you feeling?

Welcome to this wonderful, life saving website!

Pelican

Welcome to the Sober Recovery Family Jason!

You will find lots of information and support for yourself here. Your wife will find support and information through her recovery network.

I am a recovering A as well as the exspouse of an A. I am also working on my codependency issues.

For me, the codie issues can get in the way of me working my own recovery. I want to help others recover first and then with what little energy I have left - I look at my own recovery. That is unhealthy. It keeps me focused on others and not myself. I have to learn to put down the magnifying glass that keeps me focused on others and pick up the mirror and look at my own behaviors. It is hard, but it is the healthy choice.

I have to keep in mind the illustration of a preflight speech given on airplanes. Prior to takeoff the flight crew demonstrates what to do in an actual emergency. If the air masks drop down, I am instructed to put mine on before I try to help someone else with theirs! Powerful!

By keeping my focus on my own recovery, I am giving others the power to own their personal recovery.

Have you tried Alanon meetings or individual counseling?

Make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

Persevere

Thank you all for your perspectives.
I have 2 posts going after finding this "Friends and Family" board so I am getting some good responses.
I understand about her sponsor and the meetings. She has been gone for a month, which was difficult for all of us. At least she will be back home. The ups and downs are part of life and this may be to the extreme.
I have mixed feelings on going through the program with her having done ACA (both mother and Father were alcoholics). I only attended a few meetings and that was years ago. I must also stay dry to support her efforts and because I want to be C and S.
I do have my own issues with rehab from a back injury right now so I am prepared to take either role.
It's really about whatever she wants me to do to help her and what she needs right now to help her in the recovery process. That's going to be my approach.