alanonicnov2008

I had a lot of scary moments of discovery with my ex...he really did not behave like other people. It was hard for me to bring him around my family, they were afraid of him.

I'm not sure why it took me so long to see that his recovery from alcoholism was the tip of the iceberg. I didn't know that there could be more to the problem. It was a year of talking to others, breaking out of my own dependency on the relationship, and finally seeing everything for what it was. Some of the stuff was really hard for me to accept -- particularly when I would find evidence he was acting out on his love/sex addictions. I wanted to make it all about me, that I could control it. But the only correlation I could see was that the better our relationship got, the more he acted out.

Sometimes I think he was perfectly brilliant in the insanity. Some of the stuff you could not make up. He's an artist and he brought that to the crazy making. Especially the whole Mormonism trip -- he was furious at me for resisting his righteous faith but when I tried to get him to talk about what his beliefs were he made it clear that polygamy was not off the table for him. And I quote "I don't know how I feel about polygamy. I'm just rediscovering my Mormonism."

It was so crazy to me that I couldn't accept that he might be serious. I live in New York after all, people don't talk like that here.

Still Waters

My AH tells people he's Jewish. He's not.

He's also a doctor. He's not.

And went to nursing school. He didn't.

Learn2Live

"Schizophrenia is in the genes, it's not going away."

Just want to clarify, Bucyn: I am not a clinician but the symptoms of the stepson you describe are not schizophrenia. Clarifying this is important to me because my brother has schizophrenia. Thanks for sharing.

MaryGoRound

Yeah, all the craziness is meshed together you can't really separate the two it seems. It's like they are so busy trying to deny what they do feel, when they recognize something like an emotion and more than likely while they're sober...its by default someone else who is experiencing that.

I was trying to compile a list of all the projections that have been made onto me and I came up with:

-You're crazy (yeah that's why I have tons of friends, flawless criminal record, driving record, and I don't pass out alone every night)

-You need to calm down. Weed would really help you. Seriously. (This still makes me roll my eyes).

-I don't want to talk to you ever again. (This was after many attempts on my end to cut things off and I was acting flippant for once about his problems "you'll probably be an addict for the rest of your life. I don't care." To which he replied, "I know I can stop. My dad did. So can I." But don't confuse that with admitting to having an addiction problem. I'm impossible and causing "conflict" in his life. Yet he still contacted me after that) Hello revenge.

-You're being creepy. (You mean like the times you stand outside of the building I'm in and wait for me to come out. Everyday. For months? Because I'm so hurt I can't even look at you?)

One thing he did do also which drove me nuts was insisting i hated him. He would join friends of mine in on the pity party too. "She hates me."
"You hate me. You hate me. Why do you hate me?" When I was being very affectionate and loving he would say this. "You don't even like me." "Why do u even like me? Tell me again." One time he didn't give me enough time to think and I thought out loud "uhh.." To which he cut me off "Exactly."
The thing is even though there were times I was mad and I sort of punished him...it wasn't about that. He hates himself. I mentioned how it wasn't my fault his self- esteem was so low he didn't believe someone like me could like someone like him. OOOO boy he hated that.


See, I think they are so mean sober because they're not drunk or w.e of course, but also because we ourselves are the reminder of reality. That they fall short to what we really see. Mine was much more pleasant drunk. He was affectionate and loving and really just wanted to pass out and spoon. It was all the times he was NOT drunk we had a problem, come to think of it.
The worst he was when he was drunk was just sadly hopeless and fatalistic. "Ahh, forget don't even come over.." he would say, "I won't be awake when you get here."

Man they get mean, but sure is sad. Because it's just like a wounded animal to me. Trying to survive afloat all the self loathing, guilt, and pain. Yet we teach people how to treat us. They know they can be mean and get away with it to some degree. And sometimes the only thing that can't be twisted in their minds is your back. Walking away.