jennabe

I mentioned in a previous post that this is all so confusing because he is like living with 2 people sometimes. He is totally functional. He has no problem with the law and work is fine. I have caught him sneaking beers in his work truck after I started complaining about the drinking, but I haven't caught him since. He's totally normal during the day. Only the way home he buys his beer. He starts drinking before I get home and continues to drink until he passes out. I usually don't stay in the room with him. I just leave and go to the bedroom at about seven.

CAPTAINZING2000

Do you share hobbies together? i drank out of boredom as much as as anything.

Did his drinking escalate after you became pregnant?? Is he happy about having a baby?

Learn2Live

Oh gosh Jennabe, this makes me so sad. Because this:

Is my Dad.

And this:
Is my Mom.

Living like this is stress on your mind and body (and the baby) so I have to tell you what I tell my Mom. Please make sure you are SINGING OUT LOUD a song you LOVE TO SING whenever you FEEL the stress coming on. Even if you do not feel happy. Just put on your favorite song to sing and DO IT. Or go for a walk down the street. ANYTHING that gets you breathing deep. That is the idea; breathe deep as soon as you feel the stress. (We usually do not FEEL the stress; we have to become attuned to identifying it). This is why people who learn and practice yoga are much less stressed; that is, because they discipline their bodies through practice to breathe deep ALL the time.

Talking OUT LOUD helps too.

Hope this helps.

MissFixit

Since you can't control his drinking, how about controlling you being around it?

Boundary setting, removing myself from the situation and not engaging have helped me to cope with unhealthy and uncomfortable/stressful situations. These techniques are not to help him, but to help you.

keithj

Control is out of the question. Impossiblie and futile. Maybe its more about accepting that you can't control his drinking that will bring you some start at recovery.

jennabe

captain: we used to run together. But he's always been a drinker. We even used to joke about at race water stops he would down a small beer instead of water. I think it's more a way of life then anything.

learn2live: that was very powerful. I will do my best to head your advice. The breathing and singing. Keeping a positive outlook.

hello-kitty

You cannot stop him from doing this. This is what he wants to do. You've already confronted him about his drinking many many times right? And he's still drinking and passing out right?

So maybe the next step is to figure how you can protect your child so he isn't effected by his father's alcoholism.

Do you have any boundaries about what you are willing to set in your life as far as behavior around you and your child once it is born? And what steps are you willing to take if those boundaries are violated?

I'm sorry. It must be very lonely to live with a guy like that - here you are about to have a baby. And he's so drunk half the time that you have to spend most of your evenings alone in your bedroom to get away from him. How long are you willing to put up with that behavior?

cerastes

I'm very new to all of this and reading this thread has helped so much, just knowing other people are out there dealing with this right now, and it's not all just long past stories of success. I wish you strength in managing the illusion of control, and remember that you are not alone, even when he makes you feel that way.

CAPTAINZING2000

Did you both discuss having a baby before hand? You're going to need his help after having that baby. I miss those days being with my kids when, they were small.

Praying this works out for you !!

jennabe

Thank you so much. I had just read your post. I put a thank you, but was moved beyond words for your situation. I pray and hope from the bottom of my heart that your wife chooses to get some help. There are so many great people on here and they can offer so much good advice. It sounds like you have really been through alot. The only advice I can offer (very humbly) is to do what is best for YOU. You didn't cause this and you can't fix or control this. None of this is your fault it would have happened anyway. You can't throw away your life and happiness for a person that can never give you happiness in return. I will keep you in my thoughts.

jennabe

Yes the baby was planned. I know it sounds strange, but I never realized how much the drinking was a problem until I got pregnant. I had been a little worried, but always thought it was in my head. Now that he CAN'T or WON'T stop I realize that it is an issue.

CAPTAINZING2000

What's your husband's background? There a lot of drinking in the family??