mamasmitty

While I have been back in the house, we haven't had the physical closeness that most couples have, BUT I have on occasion tried to put my A's feelings first and give him (for lac of a better explanation) sex. Well, the more time goes on, and the more I have really distanced myself from him, I think he is doing the same twards me. I mean, we still do things together, but we havent had "sex" in a month and a half, and before that it was about a month! And that lasted only about 5 minuites. But he still calls me his best friend and talks about taking trips with me.
I don't know weather this is a question or a statement. I just wonder if anyone else has experienced the same thing.

margo

Experienced what? Sex with an ex-husband whom I find to be physically repugnant and who smells and doesn't have a clue about hygiene? No, I've never experienced that.

Lots of divorced couples remain friends and have healthy relationships on a friendship basis, and that's great. Continuing to have sex with an ex, no matter how infrequently, sends mixed messages and could lead him to expect more from you than you really want to give. I can't say I blame him for his confusion!

sleepless

I realized that sex doesn't change a thing, it just means to my AH that I love him.

mamasmitty

Well, the issue here really isn't the SEX, it is the distancing! I'm asking if when you distance yourself, if you A just distances himself also. For example, my A seems to be drinking more, and going to the bar more, and really not even wanting to be around! so I am wondering if when you distance youself, if it is just making things worse as far as a relationship goes. Putting MORE space in between!

sleepless

Remember it is not your distancing from him that makes him do things. Those are his choices. Your feelings go first, in regular life unless I guess it would be an emergency. My A does that too, it makes me feel like he doesn't even care. But the boundaries are for me, so I can be happy.It eats me up just worring about him all the time. Divorce might be the next step, but I can't save the marriage all by myself. I need to feel good so I can live and be there for my kids.

ariesgirl

mamasmitty,

I am experiencing something similar. For awhile after I stopped making overtures, my husband would still make efforts to be intimate. After a time of my not responding (because his behavior OUT of bed left me drained and just not in the mood), he stopped making any effort, too. It has been about three months now that we are just going along, living together, not fighting, but not really interacting, either. We haven't touched each other in months. I think about it sometimes, but the fact is, we have much more serious problems than our lack of a sex life...I guess our lack of intimacy is really just a symptom of the other problems. But, to answer what I think is your question, I think it's perfectly normal and natural for a person to stop making advances after they have been rejected for a time, so your husband IS probably just reacting to you. I'm new to all of this, but I guess the key for us is not to base our behavior on their reaction to our behavior, although there is likely to be a reaction (I hope I'm making some sense here!!). Anyway, good luck and keep yourself happy and healthy!