Why are the A's all broke?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Ah this brings me back...
Bought my own wedding dress, wedding ring, paid for his suit, for the ceremony at city hall, for the brunch afterwards, etc etc.
Bills would often go unpaid for months at a time because "there's more important stuff that needs to be spent on" (i.e. clothing for HIM, booze, cigarettes, junk food, sometimes drugs, sleeping pills, coffee...so, all the things he felt were essential).
It totally irked me when I gave him money for beer that it would literally get pissed down the drain.
Ah those were the days. Thank god they're over!
Bought my own wedding dress, wedding ring, paid for his suit, for the ceremony at city hall, for the brunch afterwards, etc etc.
Bills would often go unpaid for months at a time because "there's more important stuff that needs to be spent on" (i.e. clothing for HIM, booze, cigarettes, junk food, sometimes drugs, sleeping pills, coffee...so, all the things he felt were essential).
It totally irked me when I gave him money for beer that it would literally get pissed down the drain.
Ah those were the days. Thank god they're over!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
The beers: well, that's 10-12 a day. Even at home, it adds up. And there's the other "coping mechanisms" that those who drink are likely to employ: Smoking two packs a day, scratch tickets for the lottery, sandwiches and meals at the corner store so he doesn't actually have to think about/fix anything himself. Going from functional a to unemployment causes decrease in income. = more time to drink and smoke. *sigh*
ten beers a day at $1 apiece = $300 Two pack of cigs a day at $5 a pack = $10 a day X 30 = $300. Food from the corner store: $5 a day X 30 = $150. Lottery tickets = $80 per month Fixed expenses = $830. Unemployment $220 a week X 4.3 weeks per month = $960.
$130 per month is supposed to cover: rent or mortgage, auto insurance, health insurance, heat, electricity, clothing, laundry, soap, shampoo and toothpaste, household cleaning items.
ten beers a day at $1 apiece = $300 Two pack of cigs a day at $5 a pack = $10 a day X 30 = $300. Food from the corner store: $5 a day X 30 = $150. Lottery tickets = $80 per month Fixed expenses = $830. Unemployment $220 a week X 4.3 weeks per month = $960.
$130 per month is supposed to cover: rent or mortgage, auto insurance, health insurance, heat, electricity, clothing, laundry, soap, shampoo and toothpaste, household cleaning items.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: southport merseyside
Posts: 536
he dropped a 1 pound coin down the back of the seatee and was very anxious i didnt get it ermm im not that desperate i do keep my money as mine and no way is that gonna change at any point in time since he spent my money that was meant to fix the puter on booze 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
My xab could spend up to £150 a week on alcohol, he would spend £10 on food and £10 on electricity. He was on benefits so this was a fortnightly payment, the following week he didnt eat drink or keep warm. I stopped giving him money and literally had to watch him struggle, till his benefits came again and hey ho it all went on booze again. Sad way to live, but he's still doing it apparently, HIS LIFE i guess.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
A case of cheap beer=$15, 2 packs premium smokes=$13, that's $28 daily times 30, is $840 a month.
That's about what I pay for an apt., used car, and insurance a month.
Seems like a lot to just pi$$ away. Oh well, it's O.K. with me now that I no longer PAY for it.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
That's about what I pay for an apt., used car, and insurance a month.
Seems like a lot to just pi$$ away. Oh well, it's O.K. with me now that I no longer PAY for it.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
what i find interesting is that my initial response to reading the title and post was, "not mine!" and I chose not to read the rest of the posts.
Then, I started thinking about it...
uhhhh...yeah. mine, too.
How deep is my own denial?
We have separate accounts, so I don't see where it goes or how much, but there are always problems that keep him from saving.
He works now and I don't, so he is paying the bills...
but there is a big credit card debt of his...
and if I were to ask how often he has to use it
or if he ever bounces checks
or details that specific
he would feel I was micromanaging and judging him
so I just leave him be...
it is just recently that I realize I have to take more responsibility
because, being married, I carry his debt, too.
I hope, if I leave him, I don't get saddled with HIS credit card debt!
Then, I started thinking about it...
uhhhh...yeah. mine, too.
How deep is my own denial?
We have separate accounts, so I don't see where it goes or how much, but there are always problems that keep him from saving.
He works now and I don't, so he is paying the bills...
but there is a big credit card debt of his...
and if I were to ask how often he has to use it
or if he ever bounces checks
or details that specific
he would feel I was micromanaging and judging him
so I just leave him be...
it is just recently that I realize I have to take more responsibility
because, being married, I carry his debt, too.
I hope, if I leave him, I don't get saddled with HIS credit card debt!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
The last family Christmas I had with my late XAH, he made a great show of giving me a pair of diamond earings and earned great oohs and ahs from our girls. There was one little thing that cracked me up......they were for pierced ears....something I had not had so couldn't wear them. AMAZING!! We'd been married for 26 years by then so had he not noticed in all that time?
A month later the bill was on MY credit card....hmmmm. Guess this was just one of many reasons I wasn't around for the next Christmas.
God bless
A month later the bill was on MY credit card....hmmmm. Guess this was just one of many reasons I wasn't around for the next Christmas.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: omaha, ne.
Posts: 22
I can really relate to what marshallzhukov said
"They waste money on other things when they are drunk - strippers, gambling, you name it...
Many will flat out 'lose' money when they are drinking, as silly as that might sound".
My ExHub was an alcoholic. He had 6 Dui's, spent time in jail,he had problems with everything. Gambling etc. etc, etc. One day a couple years ago he came home from the Casino, and told me he lost a wad of $100 bills(totaled $1,000). They were rolled up and wrapped with a rubber band. They fell out of his pocket. I know he was telling the truth, because he was afraid to tell me. I was sick, literally sick, he had that much money stuffed in his pocket and thought no more about the value of it then sticking it in his pocket , like it was no more then $10.00.
He passed away 4 mos. ago, from cancer of the liver, lungs, anus. He never stopped drinking even when he was going to chemo and radiation. What a sad loss. 50 years of drinking, smoking, gambling, etc. He drank, smoked and quite literally sentenced himself to death.
"They waste money on other things when they are drunk - strippers, gambling, you name it...
Many will flat out 'lose' money when they are drinking, as silly as that might sound".
My ExHub was an alcoholic. He had 6 Dui's, spent time in jail,he had problems with everything. Gambling etc. etc, etc. One day a couple years ago he came home from the Casino, and told me he lost a wad of $100 bills(totaled $1,000). They were rolled up and wrapped with a rubber band. They fell out of his pocket. I know he was telling the truth, because he was afraid to tell me. I was sick, literally sick, he had that much money stuffed in his pocket and thought no more about the value of it then sticking it in his pocket , like it was no more then $10.00.
He passed away 4 mos. ago, from cancer of the liver, lungs, anus. He never stopped drinking even when he was going to chemo and radiation. What a sad loss. 50 years of drinking, smoking, gambling, etc. He drank, smoked and quite literally sentenced himself to death.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Your post is great. ""Deluded fantasy"" My aw used to talk about great businesses on the horizon and untold success and money. "Untold" is the only truism.
Originally Posted by marshallzhukov 
Many people have already alluded to this, but allow me to add my two cents...
A's will waste money in bars, buying drinks for themselves as well as other people, which frequently aren't cheap...
They waste money on other things when they are drunk - strippers, gambling, you name it...
Many will flat out 'lose' money when they are drinking, as silly as that might sound...
Drinking causes problems at work, and more frequently than not they will lose their jobs and not be able to find new employment, on account of having been fired from twenty different employers in the last five years...
Then of course there are the legal problems, the medical bills, the rehab expenses, if and when they occur...
And through and through is the deluded fantasy that they are actually financially solvent and on the verge of getting a promotion or winning the lottery or finding a bag of money buried in their back yard...
You probably get the idea. That's why most of them are broke.
A's will waste money in bars, buying drinks for themselves as well as other people, which frequently aren't cheap...
They waste money on other things when they are drunk - strippers, gambling, you name it...
Many will flat out 'lose' money when they are drinking, as silly as that might sound...
Drinking causes problems at work, and more frequently than not they will lose their jobs and not be able to find new employment, on account of having been fired from twenty different employers in the last five years...
Then of course there are the legal problems, the medical bills, the rehab expenses, if and when they occur...
And through and through is the deluded fantasy that they are actually financially solvent and on the verge of getting a promotion or winning the lottery or finding a bag of money buried in their back yard...
You probably get the idea. That's why most of them are broke.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 161
My exABF is always broke as well, but I never saw him hesitate to use his credit card. I used to whince when I saw him pull it out. He had $30,000 in cc debit he rolled into his mortgage and had about the same amount on them when we broke up. It never seemed to bother him outwordly, but I know it does on the inside because a friend of his made a crack once about him having maxed out cards and he didn't say anything and just hung his head.
Whenever he isn't working, his solution is to go on vacation since he had the time off! Didn't seem to bother him that he had no money coming in. I was horrified near the end when he told me his bills were $1500 more a month than he would make. How do you live like that?!
He also would just buy stuff he wanted even if he couldn't afford it. Carbon fiber bike, remodel his livingroom (since he was home, let's spend over $1000 on a new floor for the house!), new glasses, ski stuff. I personally think that he does that because he 1) needs stuff to make him feel fulfilled, and 2) is trying to keep up with the Jones and make it look like everything is great and fine. It's to keep up images. And again, he seems proud of it since he bragged about it on his FB page "Massive debt is part of the fun of not growing up".
I don't think it has to do with my exs alcoholism. I think it's just his addictive personality and complete irresponsibility with money. Just thinking about the fun and not the consequences...
Whenever he isn't working, his solution is to go on vacation since he had the time off! Didn't seem to bother him that he had no money coming in. I was horrified near the end when he told me his bills were $1500 more a month than he would make. How do you live like that?!
He also would just buy stuff he wanted even if he couldn't afford it. Carbon fiber bike, remodel his livingroom (since he was home, let's spend over $1000 on a new floor for the house!), new glasses, ski stuff. I personally think that he does that because he 1) needs stuff to make him feel fulfilled, and 2) is trying to keep up with the Jones and make it look like everything is great and fine. It's to keep up images. And again, he seems proud of it since he bragged about it on his FB page "Massive debt is part of the fun of not growing up".
I don't think it has to do with my exs alcoholism. I think it's just his addictive personality and complete irresponsibility with money. Just thinking about the fun and not the consequences...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by Mair
My xab could spend up to £150 a week on alcohol, he would spend £10 on food and £10 on electricity. He was on benefits so this was a fortnightly payment, the following week he didnt eat drink or keep warm. I stopped giving him money and literally had to watch him struggle, till his benefits came again and hey ho it all went on booze again. Sad way to live, but he's still doing it apparently, HIS LIFE i guess.
Anyway, the latest payment came and he is now playing catch up with his bills and again, short on cash-I let him deal with that. Sure, he mentions the fact that he wouldn't be behind the 8 ball if he had not relapsed and blew it all on booze but it happened and while what's done is done, it IS his life to live, his decision to make whether to spend money on food, shelter and the like or booze. It's hard to stand by and watch it happen but if we start to enable again by catching them when they fall or need money for ____________, then we fall back into our old patterns.
As it stands, I am just digging myself out of my financial hole what with a house sale being delayed, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel after having to foot the payout in my divorce. Those were hard lessons for me but I got through it and don't need to be financially responsible for anyone but me from now on.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
ExAH was horrible with money, not only the amounts he wasted on beer but he is a 2 pack a day smoker ($720 a month!). If I tried to budget he would just go get cash advances on credit cards. He did all kinds of crazy stuff like buying a car on a credit card, getting a 14% loan for a snowmobile.
They have illusions of grandeur, he always had to drive the "better" car (even if he was laid off and I was paying for both of them). He would constantly lie saying that he did not spend all the money he took out of the account in drinking, he would say he bought stuff for DS or for the house or yard.
I have a lot more money now that's all I know!
The worst part is that he KNOWS what he did to me (drain my finances), during the divorce he complained bitterly "I bet you have a lot more money now without me there"
They have illusions of grandeur, he always had to drive the "better" car (even if he was laid off and I was paying for both of them). He would constantly lie saying that he did not spend all the money he took out of the account in drinking, he would say he bought stuff for DS or for the house or yard.
I have a lot more money now that's all I know!
The worst part is that he KNOWS what he did to me (drain my finances), during the divorce he complained bitterly "I bet you have a lot more money now without me there"
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
My three chronic, untreated, alcoholic brothers are always broke and live in poverty. I try to understand how they could find themselves in that situation. Long periods of unemployment have left all of them without savings or any kind of pension plan.
Without savings, they end up having to buy things when they need them, at full price, I don't think they know the meaning of the word "sale". They live hand to mouth. Planning ahead? Doesn't exist in their world.
Thankfully they are all Vets and have Vet benefits. If they didn't have that, they would be on the street.
I think it is a cumulative effect. The disastrous decisions they make when on a binge, or otherwise drunk have consequences that land them in situations they can't afford.
They don't cook and will eat out until their checks run out, even though eating at home would save them a lot of money. They never think about budgeting, when the money is gone they create all kinds of reasons, usually the next catastrophe, to borrow money from the people who are willing to enable them.
Without savings, they end up having to buy things when they need them, at full price, I don't think they know the meaning of the word "sale". They live hand to mouth. Planning ahead? Doesn't exist in their world.
Thankfully they are all Vets and have Vet benefits. If they didn't have that, they would be on the street.
I think it is a cumulative effect. The disastrous decisions they make when on a binge, or otherwise drunk have consequences that land them in situations they can't afford.
They don't cook and will eat out until their checks run out, even though eating at home would save them a lot of money. They never think about budgeting, when the money is gone they create all kinds of reasons, usually the next catastrophe, to borrow money from the people who are willing to enable them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anywhere but here...
Posts: 227
My XABF was very good with money. He is debt free, doesn't have a credit card. He pays his bills early, mortgage is 3 months ahead. He has his own internet Ebay business, and it is thriving. He is almost CHEAP, if the truth be told!
So, maybe in that area he can control things. When it comes to drinking, he cannot control that.
I am convinced that the drinking will win sooner or later, and his financial stability will falter. He drives for a living, and if/when he loses his job, then and only then will he hit bottom. I don't think a 2nd DUI will be tolerated where he works. It's a major shipping/delivery company. I really think that's the only way he will hit bottom.
Until then, he can fool himself with the illusion of being fine. Sooner or later, the beast wins.
So, maybe in that area he can control things. When it comes to drinking, he cannot control that.
I am convinced that the drinking will win sooner or later, and his financial stability will falter. He drives for a living, and if/when he loses his job, then and only then will he hit bottom. I don't think a 2nd DUI will be tolerated where he works. It's a major shipping/delivery company. I really think that's the only way he will hit bottom.
Until then, he can fool himself with the illusion of being fine. Sooner or later, the beast wins.
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