Why are the A's all broke?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Hoboken, NJ
Posts: 7
Why are the A's all broke?
My A-quasi-BF is broke and in debt. I keep reading posts of so many others who are supporting broke A's. The two seem to go hand in hand. This might seem like a dumb question... but why is that?
Alcohol doesn't cost THAT much, does it? It's not like they're drinking Grey Goose or anything nice... cheap beer seems to be the juice of choice.
My ABF wasn't working for about nine months... ok... that can be a big drain... and I imagine many A's go through bouts of unemployment... but they're not all unemployed all the time... like someone else posted, some have a full time job, and don't contribute to expenses.. WHERE DOES THEIR MONEY GO???
My ABF was way in debt before he even lost his job. But he's not materialistic at all. He never buys anything. Heck, he's in the same clothes he wore in high school. I just don't get it.
Am I wrong to think it's not possible to spend a full salary, even a small salary, on booze?
Is there something major I'm missing?
Alcohol doesn't cost THAT much, does it? It's not like they're drinking Grey Goose or anything nice... cheap beer seems to be the juice of choice.
My ABF wasn't working for about nine months... ok... that can be a big drain... and I imagine many A's go through bouts of unemployment... but they're not all unemployed all the time... like someone else posted, some have a full time job, and don't contribute to expenses.. WHERE DOES THEIR MONEY GO???
My ABF was way in debt before he even lost his job. But he's not materialistic at all. He never buys anything. Heck, he's in the same clothes he wore in high school. I just don't get it.
Am I wrong to think it's not possible to spend a full salary, even a small salary, on booze?
Is there something major I'm missing?
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
XAH used to spend a fortune on alcohol. With him, he was 'buying' friends at the bar, being the good guy and trying to be liked. He liked to throw money around - and it wasn't all his!!! 
Well, he's not my problem now!
Well, he's not my problem now!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
My XAH wouldn't spend that much on himself, but when he went out, he felt the need to buy drinks and a bit of pub food for all his friends. Perhaps because he liked to drink in the company of others. Also, he liked to stash booze for later on, so it would be easier to drop money that way.
Generally though, my XAH just never managed his money and was totally ok with being on his last dime and not having food in the fridge. As long as he had his booze, it was all good.
Generally though, my XAH just never managed his money and was totally ok with being on his last dime and not having food in the fridge. As long as he had his booze, it was all good.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
I always wondered this too.....to be honest.
My XA, well, he got a new job, I think clearing about $2100 after taxes a month, + he got $600 disability from the govt. He had a car payment, I think about $300....rent, about $600, and utilities...
ok, so that left about $1800 a month spending money. There were times I made less than that and lived ok...this is also for someone who has no dependents.
Yet, his apt looks like a college dorm. He said it was because he was a minimalist....
I told him that he made plenty to put a chunk of his disability into savings every month. His answer... "but i'm bad at saving, I mean, I like to buy stuff."
Ummmm what stuff??? Oh yeah, booze and whatever else you are doing.
I have read some crazy things about how much money alcoholics will spend on alcohol. Liquor is EXPENSIVE when you start adding it all up. Beer, plus bar tabs, plus whatever else they are sneaking in that you don't know about.... i've seen it add up to the thousands every month.
I know, it doesn't make sense to someone who works with a budget every month and tries to be smart.
My XA, well, he got a new job, I think clearing about $2100 after taxes a month, + he got $600 disability from the govt. He had a car payment, I think about $300....rent, about $600, and utilities...
ok, so that left about $1800 a month spending money. There were times I made less than that and lived ok...this is also for someone who has no dependents.
Yet, his apt looks like a college dorm. He said it was because he was a minimalist....
I told him that he made plenty to put a chunk of his disability into savings every month. His answer... "but i'm bad at saving, I mean, I like to buy stuff."
Ummmm what stuff??? Oh yeah, booze and whatever else you are doing.
I have read some crazy things about how much money alcoholics will spend on alcohol. Liquor is EXPENSIVE when you start adding it all up. Beer, plus bar tabs, plus whatever else they are sneaking in that you don't know about.... i've seen it add up to the thousands every month.
I know, it doesn't make sense to someone who works with a budget every month and tries to be smart.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Anyone that has been married to an alcoholic has often seen the purchases from bank statements. Can be multiple bar tabs every day. Booze is not cheap in bars/restaurants and when you add food and paying for other people it gets expensive. They also lose control of budgeting. They may spend lots on anything, often unnecessary items or clothing. The more they make the more they spend. They also lose money while drunk. Break things like expensive cell phones, get into legal trouble requiring lawyers, etc etc etc. Blackout periods can produce uncontrollable spending.
The ones that simply buy cases of cheap beer often lose their jobs. Rent and utilities pile up, they get sued, evicted, etc etc. Just speak to some recovering ones and you will hear astonishing stories.
Applying sane normal logic to their spending habits does not work.
The ones that simply buy cases of cheap beer often lose their jobs. Rent and utilities pile up, they get sued, evicted, etc etc. Just speak to some recovering ones and you will hear astonishing stories.
Applying sane normal logic to their spending habits does not work.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
This is quite an interesteting thread actually. MY AH drinks at home so I know exactly ther booze and cigers biil each month - god knows how we would manage if he was drinking in the bars too. We have a budget and are both pretty good at sticking to it mostly! Of course his booze bill is in there!! Luckily we are ok on the finance front but I know the road ahead may not be if he continues on the path to destruction. Take care Phiz
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I've been sober for a while now -
and I STILL can't get my money game going -
I think maybe it IS something to look at.
And it IS a good point.
When I was drinking
I had horses, big gas guzzling vehicles
and clothes clothes clothes.
Now sober
and only in the alcohol business marginally ...
(as in - NON gratuity oriented)
I can't make ends meet.
and I STILL can't get my money game going -
I think maybe it IS something to look at.
And it IS a good point.
When I was drinking
I had horses, big gas guzzling vehicles
and clothes clothes clothes.
Now sober
and only in the alcohol business marginally ...
(as in - NON gratuity oriented)
I can't make ends meet.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
We can afford my AH beer spending and it hasn't put us into debt, but its just so sad watching it come out of the account. I used to think that its a very selfish 'spend' and also what extra we could spend on joint things, or put into our savings for our old age.
Before I had the lightbulb moment that he was an alcoholic and went to Al-Anon, I used to nag him about how much money he was spending on beer and that would always end up with how much I spend on my hair. So I did an excel spreadsheet of hair v beer and the beer was at least 5 times the amount of what I spent on my hair, over the year. He never pulled that argument again, but continued buying beer anyway.
As I have said previously, I am lucky in the fact that my AH is a hard worker and always has been, not that that makes things better. I dont know how I would feel if he was a lazy bum, so glad I dont have to go there.
Before I had the lightbulb moment that he was an alcoholic and went to Al-Anon, I used to nag him about how much money he was spending on beer and that would always end up with how much I spend on my hair. So I did an excel spreadsheet of hair v beer and the beer was at least 5 times the amount of what I spent on my hair, over the year. He never pulled that argument again, but continued buying beer anyway.
As I have said previously, I am lucky in the fact that my AH is a hard worker and always has been, not that that makes things better. I dont know how I would feel if he was a lazy bum, so glad I dont have to go there.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I went on a 'vacation' with ex#4 once -
I was almost OUT of money- and we had four more days to go -
I couldn't figure out how the money was gone.
TURNS OUT -
HE had taken almost a thousand dollars -
and was holding it in his wallet - IN CASH-
... because he was afraid he wouldn't have 'enough' beer money.
He only contributed to the vacation if is directly benefitted HIM...
meaning - gas money.
When we pulled back into Bozeman
I turned the car off,
looked at him
and said -
"I hope you enjoyed our first... and LAST trip together."
"Next year - I'm going by myself."
It's a lesson learned the hard way -
and is why you see me nag and nag everyone
about having your OWN money.
Even if it has to be secret.
I was almost OUT of money- and we had four more days to go -
I couldn't figure out how the money was gone.
TURNS OUT -
HE had taken almost a thousand dollars -
and was holding it in his wallet - IN CASH-
... because he was afraid he wouldn't have 'enough' beer money.
He only contributed to the vacation if is directly benefitted HIM...
meaning - gas money.
When we pulled back into Bozeman
I turned the car off,
looked at him
and said -
"I hope you enjoyed our first... and LAST trip together."
"Next year - I'm going by myself."
It's a lesson learned the hard way -
and is why you see me nag and nag everyone
about having your OWN money.
Even if it has to be secret.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
"I used to think that its a very selfish 'spend' and also what extra we could spend on joint things, or put into our savings for our old age"
Yesbutnobut - thank you for this comment as jeepers that has so got me thinking!! He is a hard worker too but how useful would that extra $100 be for the rest of us!!
His $100 a week for booze and cigs could really be put to better use indeed - now that was a lightbulb moment for me!
Take care all Phiz
Yesbutnobut - thank you for this comment as jeepers that has so got me thinking!! He is a hard worker too but how useful would that extra $100 be for the rest of us!!
His $100 a week for booze and cigs could really be put to better use indeed - now that was a lightbulb moment for me!
Take care all Phiz
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
It wasn't just the money my RABF spent on his drinks or the "shouts" for others drinks. It was loaning money to broke "pub pals", most of whom didn't pay back, giving handouts to "down and outs" he didn't know, wasting most on stupid horses he wouldn't even look at when sober, and paying for cabs because he was unable to walk anywhere.
Three times last year he spent his savings when he was on a few days of a binge, each time cost him about $6000. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
Thank God we live apart and I don't have to depend on him for financial help.
God bless
Three times last year he spent his savings when he was on a few days of a binge, each time cost him about $6000. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
Thank God we live apart and I don't have to depend on him for financial help.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ontario
Posts: 85
My ex ABF is broke too. I used to have to pay for my own Christmas presents from him.
He didn't pay income tax for 10 years and is now having to deal with that.
His dad supports him. When he gets money from his dad he buys things for himself and his kids - cameras, iPods, a computer, a short-wave radio. When I ask him when he's going to pay me back the money he owes me he tells me he deserves to buy himself something once in a while.
It all seems part of the me first attitude.
Spinner
He didn't pay income tax for 10 years and is now having to deal with that.
His dad supports him. When he gets money from his dad he buys things for himself and his kids - cameras, iPods, a computer, a short-wave radio. When I ask him when he's going to pay me back the money he owes me he tells me he deserves to buy himself something once in a while.
It all seems part of the me first attitude.
Spinner
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
From what I have experienced it's not the actual alcohol it's the mind and spirit and place your in when your drinking and/or doing drugs.
I have a friend who I've been trying to help make her understand that she has a problem with shopping. She will go to the .99 cent store 'only', I'm like 3-4 times a week spending $50.00 plus a week is ridiculous and problematic.
I think when people need to escape, it's really hard for them to think about saving money because they look for 'stuff' to fill them up. That dollar in their pocket fulfills them for a minute.
Or I used to be like that and I know people who are, and when I wasn't things were to chaotic for life to be as simple as saving money. It was simply to hard for me, lol.
Not sure if that makes sense.
But your question isn't dumb. :ghug3
I have a friend who I've been trying to help make her understand that she has a problem with shopping. She will go to the .99 cent store 'only', I'm like 3-4 times a week spending $50.00 plus a week is ridiculous and problematic.
Alcohol doesn't cost THAT much, does it?
Or I used to be like that and I know people who are, and when I wasn't things were to chaotic for life to be as simple as saving money. It was simply to hard for me, lol.
Not sure if that makes sense.
But your question isn't dumb. :ghug3
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 love
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: IL
Posts: 435
Mine stresses over money. He is very disciplined with money. My issue: he went to the bar in secret after work but would tell me we couldn't afford for us to go out together. So then he would "stress" over money when I brought my kids out instead.
He grew up poor. 5 kids ,2 alcoholic parents.
He grew up poor. 5 kids ,2 alcoholic parents.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: omaha, ne.
Posts: 22
In my opinion I think it's because they never learn the meaning of the word "responsible'. It seems their lives are always in chaos, drama. No credit or using one credit card to pay another; bouncing checks; always having a not only financial crises to contend with but a myriad of crisiss usually self-created by irresponsibe behavior. I think the alcohol actually causes cell and brain damage. Also, they are in complete denial. that they do anything wrong, so 'real life' to them is not a real reality.They even go so far as to say that they don’t remember what happens when they awake. What they said or what they did. They have a complete memory loss when it comes to their actions after they have had a drink and a good time, or so they thought. All this undoubtedly leads to problems with money, relationships, priorities, possible legal fees, and constant unfocused attention to basic needs, like rent, food, paying bills. etc. They probably lack the quality of accepting life without the blurred vision of 'alcoholic stupor. Sad, but true. I've seen it in many of my own personal relationships with alcoholics.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I think it's very important to address that in the fourth step (AA)
to acknowledge the times
we told the spouuse we had no money for milk
because we might need that ten for booze
I WISH I knew how many times
I bought a round and said "Well - there goes the phone bill"
And we'd laugh.
you'd be surprised how much of our lives
were ... rounded off at the corners
because of stashing drinking money.
there's those who steal, lie, and prostitute themselves
for their high of choice.
the need and fear of NOT having
is greater than the guilt or shame ...
of HOW we come to 'have'.
It's nothing to do with 'responsible' or
'consequences' or 'morality'
it's more than a mental need.
That's why those words don't 'matter'.
A true addiction to alcohol is physical as
well as mental and even emotional.
IT doesn't matter,
when we reach a certain point
NOTHING matters.
Except that next drink.
But it's also right around here someplace where
I draw a line
because
ultimately
there's no way someone who isn't an alcoholic
is ever going to understand one.
And visa-versa.
But there's this ... plateau
where the two can come together
and sometimes ...
if we're careful
we can dance.
But I don't think
this is the road to get there.
to acknowledge the times
we told the spouuse we had no money for milk
because we might need that ten for booze
I WISH I knew how many times
I bought a round and said "Well - there goes the phone bill"
And we'd laugh.
you'd be surprised how much of our lives
were ... rounded off at the corners
because of stashing drinking money.
there's those who steal, lie, and prostitute themselves
for their high of choice.
the need and fear of NOT having
is greater than the guilt or shame ...
of HOW we come to 'have'.
It's nothing to do with 'responsible' or
'consequences' or 'morality'
it's more than a mental need.
That's why those words don't 'matter'.
A true addiction to alcohol is physical as
well as mental and even emotional.
IT doesn't matter,
when we reach a certain point
NOTHING matters.
Except that next drink.
But it's also right around here someplace where
I draw a line
because
ultimately
there's no way someone who isn't an alcoholic
is ever going to understand one.
And visa-versa.
But there's this ... plateau
where the two can come together
and sometimes ...
if we're careful
we can dance.
But I don't think
this is the road to get there.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 83
Many people have already alluded to this, but allow me to add my two cents...
A's will waste money in bars, buying drinks for themselves as well as other people, which frequently aren't cheap...
They waste money on other things when they are drunk - strippers, gambling, you name it...
Many will flat out 'lose' money when they are drinking, as silly as that might sound...
Drinking causes problems at work, and more frequently than not they will lose their jobs and not be able to find new employment, on account of having been fired from twenty different employers in the last five years...
Then of course there are the legal problems, the medical bills, the rehab expenses, if and when they occur...
And through and through is the deluded fantasy that they are actually financially solvent and on the verge of getting a promotion or winning the lottery or finding a bag of money buried in their back yard...
You probably get the idea. That's why most of them are broke.
A's will waste money in bars, buying drinks for themselves as well as other people, which frequently aren't cheap...
They waste money on other things when they are drunk - strippers, gambling, you name it...
Many will flat out 'lose' money when they are drinking, as silly as that might sound...
Drinking causes problems at work, and more frequently than not they will lose their jobs and not be able to find new employment, on account of having been fired from twenty different employers in the last five years...
Then of course there are the legal problems, the medical bills, the rehab expenses, if and when they occur...
And through and through is the deluded fantasy that they are actually financially solvent and on the verge of getting a promotion or winning the lottery or finding a bag of money buried in their back yard...
You probably get the idea. That's why most of them are broke.
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