coffeedrinker

hey there roadkill,

i have been thinking about you all day long, and regretting my first post to this thread.
we here at soberrecovery friends and family, are a bunch of people who have been, to various degrees, navigating loving someone in the throes, and in their recovery from, addiction. we have ALL walked the walk you are now facing.

you feel alone and desperate. PLEASE keep coming here.
we really, truly ARE here to support you and help you to see some truths.

problem is, it takes time. it often takes a long time, and we are anxious to see you work through some of this and come out on the other side. the good side. the side of freedom from being tied up in knots so tight that it rules your day, your entire life.

your son is drinking to excess because he is an alcoholic. he is exhibiting alcoholic drinking. it's different than drinking socially, drinking cuz he's at a party and that's what everyone is doing. if anybody could pressure, cajole, or love someone out of their addiction, none of us would be here.

take a breath and read, read, read. and try to stop arguing with your husband. it just sets you up to be adversaries instead of partners in this. and it doesn't really help, does it?

Insulated

The real root of the issue is his drinking that concerns you. Why not address that ?

Is it wrong to put conditions on the THOUSANDS of dollars we are spending on his education?

Spending thousands of dollars on his education is your decision. Could he get a student loan &/or a grant? Because he doesn't seem to respect or honor anything your doing for him.

why I think I still can have a say in what he does

You could if you wanted to...at the risk of self imposed chaos, craziness, worry, etc.

Insulated

It is soooo incredibly heart breaking when we want to give the world and all it's emeralds to our children, and we are sometimes forced to watch in horror and fear as they make poor decisions. It is however, part of growth for both parents and child. Sometimes, it's an adult child. Could you express your concern with his black out drinking with him and implement some reasonable boundaries from a stance of love and concern? It's kind of a double edge sword because now you've got so much invested in your adult childs education that the risk is being increased with alcohol involved. Don't detach from the person, detach from the problem which seems to be alcohol. You're going to make yourself nutz simply by fear of future what ifs. Do you deserve this? Does your spouse?