heavenlyone

Well, I am trying not to feel quilty.

He has no money and no food in his house but I will not give him any of MY money and I HAVE to stop worrying about if he's hungry or not.

This is not my problem.

He really is stupid. How does one not think about food supplies when they have money? Beer and cigarettes before food everytime.

It'll do him good to be hungry

JenT1968

good for you , three C's and all that. Hang in there.

Jadmack25

What did YOU do towards him having no food or money to live on? You didn't steal his money from him, he spent unwisely on HIS priorities booze and fags, and if he doesn't consider food etc as priorities for life....TOUGH.

This is why A's need enablers so desperately....to provide for them the life needs they themselves have ignored as necessary. While others enable them to suck their way thru their miserable lives without hassles, nothing will change.

You withdrew your enabling skills and HE chose not to change his needs from booze and fags to food and necessities, so hope he enjoys the result of his choices.

Meanwhile you are caring for your needs and that is all you need to do.

Stay strong and God bless

AWEDA

My exah would cry to his mom about not having food,when she brought him some he wanted cash.

He didn't want to eat he wanted money for booze.

naive

hi norma-

i guess my question to you is how do you know he has no food?

are you still speaking to him?

it is best not to know, which is why no contact is the key to our release.

however, since somehow you do know...

it is normal as a caring person to be concerned with ANYONE who has no food. he is sick. that is why he has no food.

of course, he is also a liar you have stated. there is some chance that he has food and is just playing on your lovingkindness.

if it was me, i would pray and request guidance. he is a human. you could always leave a bag of food anonymously on his door handle. i don't know. i understand. mine is the same.

naive

littlefish

I would have to echo Naive's thoughts here: you have been involved with this guy for a while now and you often express your anger towards him.
I know it is hard to separate the genuine feelings of generousity from behavior that might be codependent.
Have you been to any alanon meetings or read any literature about codependency?

KeepPedaling

Hi Norma, I know my ex didn't have money for food for awhile. He'd spent it all on alcohol and cigarettes too. I remember how that hit me when he told me not to worry about him because he had to borrow money for food from someone in AA. I know he was trying to make me feel bad. That's what made it easier for me not to feel guilty, knowing that he was trying to manipulate me. I don't feel bad when he runs out of "food" (money) because really what he's run out of is beer and cigarettes.

I'm very concerned about him and the path he has chosen. I worry every day, but I don't feel bad when he's out of money. I used to give him money when he was sober and trying so hard. I'd pay for most things. The day he started drinking again was the last day I saw him and the last day I paid for things. I feel like that was the best thing for him and for me (thanks to all the help I got here).

I think you're right for not being financially supportive of his drinking. I wouldn't worry about him being hungry either. I'm sure he's not. He's probably more worried about being thirsty right now.

Ives

When I moved in with mine - I was magically all of a sudden paying for everything, while she sat on her arse. After a couple months, I felt used, amongst other things and left her. It was only then that she got off her arse and got her welfare/disability going. She's barely hanging on but still can't stop herself from treating me like crap. You'd think someone in that position would have a little more humility. Nope. God complex or something.

heavenlyone

I've been no contact for a while now and I've been ok.

He came into my work yesterday with his no money story that I've heard all before. I told him to leave.

I wish I didn't live around the corner from him. I wish I lived far, far away!

Live

there are food banks in many places and they are being funded more now that the economy is so bad....he can eat if he wants.

pray4joy

Funny story, when our neighbor complained she and her family had no $$ for food till payday, I went into my pantry and put together a care package - enough food for a few days...went next door and delivered it. They were angry with us! They wanted $$ not food. We really haven't spoken since. I knew that was what was wanted, they have young kids...at least I knew the kids would eat those few days.