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Mrs. Right, RN

Old 12-19-2009, 07:55 AM
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Mrs. Right, RN

Hello!

I posted earlier about a man that I had started dating three years ago and reluctantly ended it a year ago. He has been in a private outpatient recovery program for a number of years, with difficulty sustaining a period of sobriety. He came back into my life a month ago, saying that he had been sober since we broke up a year ago. However, he describes himself as still being unstable and that his therapist doesn't support him being in a relationship but he misses me. Well, we started having such a good time together that we continued seeing each other for the past month (I know, I know!) I was hoping not but knew that it was likely that the other shoe would drop, based on what he said.

Then, something much more dramatic than having a shoe drop happened. Four days ago he was walking in a crosswalk on a dark, rainy night and was struck by an SUV. He was seriously injured. At the trauma hospital, he gave them only my name and I have stayed by his bedside for the last 4 days as he has procedures and surgeries. When doctors come by, he introduces me as his girlfriend and he and I behave as gf/bf - resumed that behavior as if there had never been a separation. It didn't seem like a good time to split hairs so I became Mrs. Right, RN. I do love him and I know that he loves me and I am just taking this day by day but I also know what he told me about himself and I am concerned for what the next few weeks/months hold.

First question: He is in a position now - and will be for some time - where he couldn't act out, even if he wanted to. Does that serve as a safety net and support sobriety or is there so much frustration from the trauma that he will act out with a vengence the minute he has the chance?

I know that no one has a crystal ball but anyone have experience/knowledge of the psychological ramifications of an addict (who has some sobriety time but still not confident in his sobriety) being hospitalized for a physical injury for an extended period, totally cut off from supply?

Second question - he has been with the same therapist for 10 years. He has two sessions a week, a group session, and phone monitoring, which means that he pays to be able to talk to his therapist after-hours as needed. No Twelve-step work. That seems very one-dimensional and like a very long time to be with the same therapist and not being more advanced in his recovery than he is. Comments?

Thanks!
waxter is offline  
Old 12-19-2009, 09:29 AM
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Has the relationship ever been unhealthy for you? Verbal/physical abuse? Financially detrimental?

Do you have any doubt to his year of continuous sobriety?
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