Mrs. Right, RN
 

Hello!

I posted earlier about a man that I had started dating three years ago and reluctantly ended it a year ago. He has been in a private outpatient recovery program for a number of years, with difficulty sustaining a period of sobriety. He came back into my life a month ago, saying that he had been sober since we broke up a year ago. However, he describes himself as still being unstable and that his therapist doesn't support him being in a relationship but he misses me. Well, we started having such a good time together that we continued seeing each other for the past month (I know, I know!) I was hoping not but knew that it was likely that the other shoe would drop, based on what he said.

Then, something much more dramatic than having a shoe drop happened. Four days ago he was walking in a crosswalk on a dark, rainy night and was struck by an SUV. He was seriously injured. At the trauma hospital, he gave them only my name and I have stayed by his bedside for the last 4 days as he has procedures and surgeries. When doctors come by, he introduces me as his girlfriend and he and I behave as gf/bf - resumed that behavior as if there had never been a separation. It didn't seem like a good time to split hairs so I became Mrs. Right, RN. I do love him and I know that he loves me and I am just taking this day by day but I also know what he told me about himself and I am concerned for what the next few weeks/months hold.

First question: He is in a position now - and will be for some time - where he couldn't act out, even if he wanted to. Does that serve as a safety net and support sobriety or is there so much frustration from the trauma that he will act out with a vengence the minute he has the chance?

I know that no one has a crystal ball but anyone have experience/knowledge of the psychological ramifications of an addict (who has some sobriety time but still not confident in his sobriety) being hospitalized for a physical injury for an extended period, totally cut off from supply?

Second question - he has been with the same therapist for 10 years. He has two sessions a week, a group session, and phone monitoring, which means that he pays to be able to talk to his therapist after-hours as needed. No Twelve-step work. That seems very one-dimensional and like a very long time to be with the same therapist and not being more advanced in his recovery than he is. Comments?

Thanks!

Has the relationship ever been unhealthy for you? Verbal/physical abuse? Financially detrimental?

Do you have any doubt to his year of continuous sobriety?