Nikntyzmom

ok i have a question for all of you. I have been reading on the boards about not getting angry when my A is drinking, and this makes good sense to me. The ideas of going out for ice cream or doing something for me instead of staying home with him are good ones, and make sense to me. I tend to dwell on things like that, when I know it isn't good for me and I am trying to work on taking care of myself instead of lashing out at him. I know I can't control this and can't cure it. My question is, what is a good way to deal with this when he comes home drunk at 3 in the morning? I am usually awake, and I usually get mad and won't talk to him, which is uncomfortable but I just have a really hard time with the drunk voice, the SMELL, the stupidness etc. I am not sure how to react, would it be better to just pretend nothing is wrong? I can't very well go somewhere at 3 in the morning, not that I would'nt but I have kids who are asleep and it just isn't reasonable that I leave. What do I do? Any suggestions would be helpful. He is still not staying with me, I want more time to get myself together, maybe work this plan a while, so I am not on such shaky ground, but at some point I think we will be living in the same house again, and would like some future reference on how to handle things. I am just trying to get all my ducks in a row, so I am not surprised by anything. Thanks all.

JT

Ward doesn't go out and drink but when he drinks too much he sleeps really bad. He tosses and turns or snores 3 times as loud and it could be 3 am that he wakes me up and I want to put a pillow over his head.

All the times I tried pushing him over and so forth I would get madder and madder and lose sleep myself. Now I go to another room or to the couch. I even have a battery back alarm so I can just grab it and go and not worry about oversleeping in the morning.

For me it was survival...if I let myself get all mad then I would suffer all the next day.

Hugs and welcome!
JT

Nikntyzmom

Thanks Just Tired, and Daffodil for responding to my other post. JT that is a good suggestion and I will keep it in mind.
I mentioned in my other post that I am going to a face to face meeting tomorrow night, and am wondering about doing it. Do i just go in and say hi, i am new? Another thing I am wondering about is i live in a rather small town and also the meetings are held in the hospital which is where i work. Chances are good that I may see someone I know. How do I handle this? I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable that I am there, me being someone they know from work, or vice versa? Is Alanon confidential? Just curious. On the one hand, I can't wait to go and on the other I am a bit apprehensive right now. Thanks.

songbird

Hi MsUnderstanding,

To answer your question - alanon is confidential. What is said in the rooms stays in the rooms. I would encourage you to go even though you are feeling apprehensive. The benifits far outwiegh the fear.

The face to face meetings can help you with learning how to detach from your A's behaviors and how to focus on your own health and happiness.

My best to you!
Songbird

countrygirl

3 AM, if you hear him coming before he gets there, if you do not want to discuss or confront anything right then, lay down and act as if you are asleep. If he tries to wake you up, act gruff and still half-asleep, roll over and back to sleep, just don't connect.

Good luck with the meeting.

LongStrangeTrip

countrygirl...

That works great for me!
Also, I told my husband that one of our boundaries is that if he's out drinking and comes home drunk AND I am on the sofa sleeping...it means "BUG OFF!"
LOL

MissyBelle

It is NOT true that al anon is confidential. That may be the rule, but that rule is frequently broken. Al anon is as confidential as the members attending choose to make it.

Been there, done that.

Cecilia

You sound just like me.

Your talkin the talk but your not walkin the walk. I hear you gals talk about not taking ownership for your A's behavior.

Why are you up at 3am losing sleep and stressing yourself out? Waiting for him to come home like hes some teenager out past curfew. Go to bed.

If you just have to know when he gets home then go to bed and a read book till he gets in. Thats what I used to do. If your not up and available. Then there cant be any argument. Besides you cant argue with a drunk.

Mine knew not to wake me up. His meaness when he drank was nothing next to mine if he woke me up. You wake me up in the middle of the night and you better be bleeding. Cause if youre not you will be. LOL.

I still get a chuckle when I think of it. There he would be tip toeing around trying to be quiet. All the while making tons of racket and "whispering" loudly to the dog. WE have to be quiet. Dont wake up Mom.