Some Advice Please
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: California
Posts: 4
Some Advice Please
I am new to this board .
I left my ex a while back because I just got fed up with his way of life. We both love each other very much so. We get together every now and than and when we do it is always great. I can't fix his problems I know. I like to know if there is a way that we can have a future together down the road? I live a pretty good life. I have friends and family that are wonderful. I do not want to leave him knowing he is going through a hard time in his life. How can I be there as a support not a fix? He has to want to do that for himself. His actions are so bizarre, he is so confused most of the time to what he wants and that includes a relationship with me. I get very mixed signals and that is frustrating at times. So how do I be with him and not put up with the bull in between?
I left my ex a while back because I just got fed up with his way of life. We both love each other very much so. We get together every now and than and when we do it is always great. I can't fix his problems I know. I like to know if there is a way that we can have a future together down the road? I live a pretty good life. I have friends and family that are wonderful. I do not want to leave him knowing he is going through a hard time in his life. How can I be there as a support not a fix? He has to want to do that for himself. His actions are so bizarre, he is so confused most of the time to what he wants and that includes a relationship with me. I get very mixed signals and that is frustrating at times. So how do I be with him and not put up with the bull in between?
But Very, Very Bruisable...
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Palm Springs, Ca.
Posts: 548
Hi Precious...
The greatest gift you could give your partner is honesty. Being honest with him, and everyone around you, will help the both of you.
We don't need to hide behind masks, we don't need to lie about what's really going on with us. It's important to tell it like it is.
Be upfront about who you are and what you need. And the rest is up to him.
The greatest gift you could give your partner is honesty. Being honest with him, and everyone around you, will help the both of you.
We don't need to hide behind masks, we don't need to lie about what's really going on with us. It's important to tell it like it is.
Be upfront about who you are and what you need. And the rest is up to him.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hello Precious and welcome.
It's impossible for anyone to tell you if you can have a relationship down the road. But actually, if you're seeing him every now and then, you have a relationship now. I guess you're really asking if it can improve. About the closest we can come to telling the future is this: If he doesn't change, and you don't change... your relationship doesn't change. Same old crap. There's not a darned thing you can do about changing him. However, you are in charge of you. Have you looked up an alanon group in your area?
Hugs,
Smoke
It's impossible for anyone to tell you if you can have a relationship down the road. But actually, if you're seeing him every now and then, you have a relationship now. I guess you're really asking if it can improve. About the closest we can come to telling the future is this: If he doesn't change, and you don't change... your relationship doesn't change. Same old crap. There's not a darned thing you can do about changing him. However, you are in charge of you. Have you looked up an alanon group in your area?
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Re: Some Advice Please
Originally posted by Precious
He is so confused most of the time to what he wants.
He is so confused most of the time to what he wants.
No-one here has a crystal ball to tell you if you have a future together, but it doesn't sound like you're done with the past yet.
You can only support someone if you are in agreement with what they're doing, so if you disapprove of the way he is living his life, it would be a little hard to give support.
Maybe we can be more helpful if you tell us some more about your situation.
Welcome!
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Precious and welcome.
"Getting together every now and then" sounds more like a casual thing, which is fine and probably better than something more serious, especially if there aren't any kids involved. If his life and his actions are as bizarre as you say, it's probably best to keep your distance until he gets his life together. No need getting caught up in his drama.
Take care,
JG
"Getting together every now and then" sounds more like a casual thing, which is fine and probably better than something more serious, especially if there aren't any kids involved. If his life and his actions are as bizarre as you say, it's probably best to keep your distance until he gets his life together. No need getting caught up in his drama.
Take care,
JG
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Welcome Precious,
You've come to a broad that we who have live and have lived with the disease of alcoholism undestand as few others can...
I would suggested IF you're in any kind of relationship with him, try Al-Anon before it goes any farther....Living with an alcoholic is to much for most of us without a support group and tools that will help with understanding and support...Having said all that Please read the power posts and keep coming back.
God Bless
You've come to a broad that we who have live and have lived with the disease of alcoholism undestand as few others can...
I would suggested IF you're in any kind of relationship with him, try Al-Anon before it goes any farther....Living with an alcoholic is to much for most of us without a support group and tools that will help with understanding and support...Having said all that Please read the power posts and keep coming back.
God Bless
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome Precious
This sounds like a relationship that will only bring you pain. My suggestion would be to go to meetings and, if necessary, get professional help. You aren't going to change him any time soon, but you can save yourself if you reach out and try.
You are attracted to and having a relationship with an active addict who doesn't know what he wants. The only place this relationship is heading is downhill. If you are truly honest with yourself, you will see the harm you are setting yourself up for.
And please, double check your birth control before any poor innocents are drawn into this.
Just know that I say this with love in my heart, and that I truly hope you will do something to stop the chaos. Just give it a good honest try!!
Hugs
Ann
This sounds like a relationship that will only bring you pain. My suggestion would be to go to meetings and, if necessary, get professional help. You aren't going to change him any time soon, but you can save yourself if you reach out and try.
You are attracted to and having a relationship with an active addict who doesn't know what he wants. The only place this relationship is heading is downhill. If you are truly honest with yourself, you will see the harm you are setting yourself up for.
And please, double check your birth control before any poor innocents are drawn into this.
Just know that I say this with love in my heart, and that I truly hope you will do something to stop the chaos. Just give it a good honest try!!
Hugs
Ann
Guest
Posts: n/a
He is living his life exactly the way he wants to.
Getting together every now and then is not love, it's probably sex.
He is not confused. He just doesn't want to do it your way.
He does not need fixing because he likes things the way they are.
He wants support to keep things the way they are.
This is what he is offering. Is this what you want?
Yes or No?
Getting together every now and then is not love, it's probably sex.
He is not confused. He just doesn't want to do it your way.
He does not need fixing because he likes things the way they are.
He wants support to keep things the way they are.
This is what he is offering. Is this what you want?
Yes or No?
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