The Bank Takes The House
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Emotional Distance Shrinking
Don't know why this surprises me. I've been living in our old house with him all week. Last night I wanted to kill him, follow him yelling. Didn't. Good girl Transform. But I"m still mad. Mad at myself for feeling that way. Mad at him for everything--the affair, the drinking, the house, that his place is neat as a pin and filled with cool stuff cause he goes shopping all the time..oh the list is long. And back again. Need to refocus on ME ME ME.
Mostly I"m aware that when I"m around him, I can feel pretty bad about myself.
He did drink last night, informed me as I was headed to bed after putting the kids down that he would be "having a few beers." I was pretty freaked out by that as he used to wake me up drunk and tell me he was divorcing me. For about 6 months he did this. But I just went to bed. Can't control him but I can get me, the kids and our stuff the heck out.
Funny. I saw it coming too. He gets all cycled up; yelling, micromanaging the kids. Then comes the announcement that he is going to drink. Okay buddy. You do that.
It helped in some ways because I was really feeling like he's got it all together and I'm the loser. He did, after all, leave me. And told me repeatedly that he just can't live with me because he "doesn't agree with my lifestyle," and other things. So, yeah, I know what that's all about but I felt bad about myself for most of our marriage so that hook can still be alluring.
The truck comes tomorrow. We've got a full day of moving and then he'll be in his new place and I'll be back here, overwhelmed with work.
The kids are ok I think, which is all that matters.
Coming here and reading the various posts really helps by the way. Seeing that some folks are where I was not too long ago. SEeing the reality of alcoholism. I"m very grateful for SR..
Mostly I"m aware that when I"m around him, I can feel pretty bad about myself.
He did drink last night, informed me as I was headed to bed after putting the kids down that he would be "having a few beers." I was pretty freaked out by that as he used to wake me up drunk and tell me he was divorcing me. For about 6 months he did this. But I just went to bed. Can't control him but I can get me, the kids and our stuff the heck out.
Funny. I saw it coming too. He gets all cycled up; yelling, micromanaging the kids. Then comes the announcement that he is going to drink. Okay buddy. You do that.
It helped in some ways because I was really feeling like he's got it all together and I'm the loser. He did, after all, leave me. And told me repeatedly that he just can't live with me because he "doesn't agree with my lifestyle," and other things. So, yeah, I know what that's all about but I felt bad about myself for most of our marriage so that hook can still be alluring.
The truck comes tomorrow. We've got a full day of moving and then he'll be in his new place and I'll be back here, overwhelmed with work.
The kids are ok I think, which is all that matters.
Coming here and reading the various posts really helps by the way. Seeing that some folks are where I was not too long ago. SEeing the reality of alcoholism. I"m very grateful for SR..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
good luck today, transform.
little song for you : In the story, young Santa (Kris Kringle) befriends the terrible Winter Warlock and helps him to overcome his fear of change, he sings this song:
little song for you : In the story, young Santa (Kris Kringle) befriends the terrible Winter Warlock and helps him to overcome his fear of change, he sings this song:
you just put one foot in front of the other
and soon you'll be wallkin' cross the floor
just put one foot in front of the other
and you soon you'll be walking out the door
if possible, try to laugh as much as you can today. take those opportunities to enjoy today that present themselves. it's a great release to laugh.
and soon you'll be wallkin' cross the floor
just put one foot in front of the other
and you soon you'll be walking out the door
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
As you know, I also just moved...
I can relate to so much of what you have written.
I walked through our old house on Tuesday crying, but I remember sitting in a closet calling my Al Anon sponsor afraid. I remember him calling the police on me while he was drunk to falsely accuse me of assault after he threw himself on the ground. It is important to reality check. It is importanat to remember that a lot of what you are losing is not awesome at all.
He also left us, when he started making money, pulled it together, but just realized, after working hard to come home that, "I was not much to come home to"...nice.
My A now lives platonically with a female friend who allows him to pay next to nothing in rent. The home is like a nice hotel. There is hardly any trace of it being lived in. She is OCD with the neatness, and he came home to live with us and acted like our house was filthy. There is a 4 year old there. No maid. It is hard, because you can start to feel like they came away with the good deal.
My old friend said something to me about my A:
"You can't really spend too much energy getting mad at him, it is already probably hell for him to be who he is. The thing about a$$holes is, it really sucks to BE them, more than it does for us to be around them..."
I can relate to so much of what you have written.
I walked through our old house on Tuesday crying, but I remember sitting in a closet calling my Al Anon sponsor afraid. I remember him calling the police on me while he was drunk to falsely accuse me of assault after he threw himself on the ground. It is important to reality check. It is importanat to remember that a lot of what you are losing is not awesome at all.
He also left us, when he started making money, pulled it together, but just realized, after working hard to come home that, "I was not much to come home to"...nice.
My A now lives platonically with a female friend who allows him to pay next to nothing in rent. The home is like a nice hotel. There is hardly any trace of it being lived in. She is OCD with the neatness, and he came home to live with us and acted like our house was filthy. There is a 4 year old there. No maid. It is hard, because you can start to feel like they came away with the good deal.
My old friend said something to me about my A:
"You can't really spend too much energy getting mad at him, it is already probably hell for him to be who he is. The thing about a$$holes is, it really sucks to BE them, more than it does for us to be around them..."
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