Moving On Now
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
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Moving On Now
Shewww...I am finally at the point that I have been trying so hard to get to. RAH and I had a long talk today about the future, and he is finally accepting that a divorce is imminent and it sounds as though he may have thought about some things - where he will live, where I will live, etc.
He has been in such denial that this was happening, so I am so relieved that he is now at the place where I have been for a while.
And he doesn't want to see me at all right now, which is totally fine with me. Oh, how I needed this weeks ago!
The future is just around the corner, I can see it now.
He has been in such denial that this was happening, so I am so relieved that he is now at the place where I have been for a while.
And he doesn't want to see me at all right now, which is totally fine with me. Oh, how I needed this weeks ago!
The future is just around the corner, I can see it now.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 247
I am so frustrated.
I spent the weekend feeling so good - you know the feeling, that 10 foot tall and invincible feeling? - only to be brought quickly back to reality. He seemed ok with things. Avoided me for the most part. Wanted to get together and talk last night about things. He indicated he wanted to talk about living arrangements, splitting up debts, and the like.
What he really wanted to talk about was when I decided this. His opening question was are you 100% sure this is what you want? WTF? No, I just tossed it out there to see how you'd respond. Of course I am sure and with each day that passes and everytime I see or talk to your dumb ass, it makes me all that more certain.
So he says he didn't have the opportunity to show me how he really feels about me, based on the epiphany that he had in rehab. The epiphany was that after 20 years of him escaping and avoiding everything in our marriage, that he really did love me and wanted to be a part of this marriage.
We agreed to wait until after the holidays to do anything prior to last night. Now he wants more time.
I just read another post that said 6 months was the amount of time that someone needs to make a decision like this. We will be separated 6 months in March. Our first grandbaby is due in April.
I really wanted to have this done and over by then, so things were not happening all at once.
Need your advice here - give it the 6 months? Or not?
I spent the weekend feeling so good - you know the feeling, that 10 foot tall and invincible feeling? - only to be brought quickly back to reality. He seemed ok with things. Avoided me for the most part. Wanted to get together and talk last night about things. He indicated he wanted to talk about living arrangements, splitting up debts, and the like.
What he really wanted to talk about was when I decided this. His opening question was are you 100% sure this is what you want? WTF? No, I just tossed it out there to see how you'd respond. Of course I am sure and with each day that passes and everytime I see or talk to your dumb ass, it makes me all that more certain.
So he says he didn't have the opportunity to show me how he really feels about me, based on the epiphany that he had in rehab. The epiphany was that after 20 years of him escaping and avoiding everything in our marriage, that he really did love me and wanted to be a part of this marriage.
We agreed to wait until after the holidays to do anything prior to last night. Now he wants more time.
I just read another post that said 6 months was the amount of time that someone needs to make a decision like this. We will be separated 6 months in March. Our first grandbaby is due in April.
I really wanted to have this done and over by then, so things were not happening all at once.
Need your advice here - give it the 6 months? Or not?
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 247
Just went to counseling this morning. Man, I wish she was on my shoulder whispering in my ear most of the time.
No, I do not want to reconcile. I just don't want to be the bad guy forever. He's already trying to play the blame game with the kids, saying if we get a divorce it is up to me...that I didn't want him around on Thanksgiving day...etc.
She said it is completely normal for him to be this wishy-washy and reminded me that I was the same way a few months back. We just need time to get thru this, and her recommendation was to set really firm boundaries with him about contact. I thought I had, but apparently not firm enough.
My only thought in giving it six months is so I have the peace of mind of knowing that I did everything I could to save this relationship, including the "prescribed" amount of time for a separation.
No, I do not want to reconcile. I just don't want to be the bad guy forever. He's already trying to play the blame game with the kids, saying if we get a divorce it is up to me...that I didn't want him around on Thanksgiving day...etc.
She said it is completely normal for him to be this wishy-washy and reminded me that I was the same way a few months back. We just need time to get thru this, and her recommendation was to set really firm boundaries with him about contact. I thought I had, but apparently not firm enough.
My only thought in giving it six months is so I have the peace of mind of knowing that I did everything I could to save this relationship, including the "prescribed" amount of time for a separation.
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