Adragonfly

okay this may be a really stupid question....

How do you get beyond the honest worry about an alcoholic's health?

My hubby is a moderate drinker through the week, but binge drinks heavily on week ends. We've been married forever LOL, but this alcohol addiction has only been present the last 6 years. It started off small and is increasing all the time.

In an effort to detach a bit, and take care of myself I'm becoming more involved with things I enjoy. So instead of sitting home all weekend watching him drink and all that involves, I'm getting out more by myself.

I've always been very active in my church, but had given most of that up in the past 10 years. Now I'm deciding if he's going to be passed out drunk all weekend, it's a waste of my time to sit here and simply watch. So I'm back to being a chaperone for our youth kids. This weekend we are taking the kids out of town for a small overnight retreat. Not sure if I'll even have reception on my cell phone as it's a cabin in the woods. I so enjoy working with the teens, and honestly I'm good at it. So this is very much something I want to pursue and stay involved in.

my problem... How do i get beyond actually worrying about his health while i'm gone. i KNOW he will drink more with me not in the house, and honestly he's teetering on dangerous levels even when i'm home. I know he's an adult, and it's not my place to take care of him, but i can't seem to get past the very phyiscal and emotional fear that I'll come home and find him unconscious on the floor with a head injury, or soemthing.

peaceteach

Powerless. Step one. Give him over to HIS higher power, and have fun this weekend. YOU aren't drinking yourself silly. HE is a grown man, choosing to screw with his life and health. He is not a child. Detach through prayer. Turn it over and release any responsibility. He'll be there Sunday night when you get back. If he has an accident while you are going maybe HE will see that it is a result of HIS choices, not yours. Enjoy being with your children. THEY need you.

Pelican

I agree with Peaceteach - give him to your HP.

If you need to physically do this, put your concerns about his health on a piece of paper and slip it into your God Box and give it to God. Once I give something to God, I don't open the box and take it back. The owner of my God Box is more powerful than I am.

Your weekend plans with the youth group sound wonderful. Service work is an excellent way to take the focus off ourselves and our personal situations. Enjoy yourself as you get back to nature and surround yourself with youthful energy!

LaTeeDa

Does your fear and worry actually stop anything from happening? If you worry all weekend, will that keep him healthy and safe? Or will it just ruin your weekend?

L

honoryourself

I worry too.. I listen to my H cough, groan, snore, look ill, and be tired all the time. I think my worry is supposed to make me wake up and realize this isn't who I want to be the father of my children.. If it were as easy as saying live and let live for him, if his health affected no one but himself, it would be ok.. but it affects me and my future. So I'm trying to turn my worry into action.

I was able to get over the fact that my H didn't brush his teeth two times a day or floss. Or that he didn't get regular check ups, but the idea of his liver failing or lung cancer or whatever else he could get.. I can't seem to get past.

Worrying does nothing. It sounds like you have a fun weekend planned for yourself. I am actually envious you get to get out of the house for a weekend. Lately I'm day dreaming of taking my car for a drive somewhere warm and not coming back for a week, staying in a hostel like I used to, and meeting interesting people. I'm pretty sure that when/if I do that, it will be over with my H and I. I have to be ready to accept that first.. Have a good weekend, take care of yourself!

Adragonfly

I may be a terrible person, LOL, but I have always enjoyed my little vacations! When my sons were little we did some type of get away every couple of months. Most of the time back then Hubby went too, (he didn't drink much when the kids were little). Now that my boys are grown with their own lives I still enjoy my vacations!

I ALWAYS invite my hubby and give him a full itinerary of my plans if he doesnt go. If he stays home I call him several times a day so he doesn't worry.

BUT I go! Especially now with his drinking so extreme I desperately need the peace I get from sitting at a waterfall, or walking on a beach, or watching the sunrise from a mountaintop.
Some of these are freebie type trips...like this weekend with the church kids. Soon I have a mission trip coming up where I'm helping take Christmas gifts to a group of children in another state. I'm not talking huge expensive vacations...just healthy "keep my soul at peace" sort of things.

I'm pretty new here, so hesitate to pass out advice but after 6 years of living with a alcoholic, and three sons doing tours of duty in the middle east...I can strongly encourage you to take care of yourself. Find whatever it is that soothes your soul and incorporate it into your life. It might be reading, sewing, or drinking a cup of coffee with the sunrise. I walk....and I seek out the water to calm me.

Whatever your release is, find it...and DO IT>

honoryourself

I don't think you're a terrible person at all! I think it's great you are doing things to take care of yourself. I'm a big traveler, I always loved it, but it's hard to afford to do anything, even get away at all, with the debt my H has gotten us into. And mine is a very jealous type. I just know what kind of havoc it would wreak, with the drama we have right now. I have other ways to take care of myself now, but none as good as your getaways I think

heavenlyone

I used to care about his health.

Now, I don't really give a damn.

And that's mostly because he doesn't give a damn.

He doesn't give a damn about his health or MINE.

It's his health

laurie6781

My worrying or not worrying about someone else's health is not going to change a damn thing. The only person's health I may be able to change a teeny bit is my own, depending on what efforts I am willing to put into it.

Worrying about things I cannot change is a detriment to my own health.

Go on your adventure, enjoy your time with the teens, as a matter of fact I hope you a have a GREAT TIME!!!!!

We'll be here when you get back.

Love and hugs,

Adragonfly

Well Just had to come back and do an update on my weekend. Hubby works second shift so was home Friday morning. It was pretty ugly(emotionally, not physical)...he'd drank alot the nite before and is really hateful afterwards. I basically cried all the way to town to meet up with the Youth group. Then he called that night, and it was worse. So in the middle of the group games, I'm sitting in the laundry room trying to get a grip and quit crying over the things he says.

But i did.

Ended up having the very best weekend I've had in a really long time. Connected well with the teens. Acted silly, laughed ALOT. Great Bible study. Hiked to an awesome waterfall. Played football (my 20 year old son came over and hung out with us too), hide and seek, and kick the can. Tye Dyed T-shirts, and had some much younger more shapely girls teach me basic YOGA moves!

After the friday phone call it was a weekend completely void of any uglyness. Not a single disagreement with the teens, or other adults. WOW...
no one told me how fat, useless, ugly, worthless or in the way I was...not a single person..imagine that!!!

The youngest kid a 12 year old...kept saying she didnt want to go home, heck neither did I

intheknow

Amazing what happens when we spend time with people who are able to love, and we are so at peace we can receive the love they have to give.

I want to be there again, too. And this time I am not leaving.

tigger11

good for you Adragonfly! It takes courage and strength to switch your mind from worrying to enjoying, particularly when he tried to sabatoge you. Be proud of yourself, and thankful that God has provided this outlet for you. (((HUGS)))

tigg

Adragonfly

Thank Tigger...it was so very hard to get over everything on Friday and step int a better attitude.

I am a preschool teacher by trade, and count on my little ones to keep me focused on what's beautiful in the world, usually it works. But in the end it's still well WORK! LoL

Helping with the youth was so much fun...

God is great...God is always...God is always great!