Buffalo66

I don't know why.

I just need to have some kind of proof of what he is capable of.

Somehow it feels better to listen back and hear how twisted and disconnected the things he says are.

I can be objective afterwards and see the absurdity.

I am less apt to absorb the abusive crap he is slinging if I listen back.

I feel kind of like I am wrong, but he knows I do it. I told him.

I do not know if I will ever play them for anyone. I know if he ever tries to take my child I will not pause for a second to pull out the tapes.

I am just confessing, here...not much else.

I do not know if it is right or wrong, I just know it is helping me to not clobber myself so much with his words.

Taking5

This is most likely illegal.

"Can We Tape?"

heavenlyone

Yeah, but most of the things he probably does are also "illegal"

Adragonfly

I'm curious about the answers and advice as a follow-up here. I've kept a personal journal, recently where I noted some of the "crap" my hubby has dished out while he was drunk or hung over.

I can't even really say why I started. It DOES help me to read it back over and analyze my reactions a bit. It helps to remind myself...after a bottle of bourbon, it's the alcohol talking and not my hubby, so trying to reason with him is just silly. Like a 2 year old on a sugar high temper tantrum, it makes more sense to walk in the other room, and leave him to rant on his own.

He doesn't know I keep it, and I'm not doing it to "throw it in his face one day". It's just something I'm trying out as a coping tactic for myself.

So all you folks with more experience..is it a good idea? or not...and why???

helpformyson

Because I got so tired of the lies, manipulation and threats as well as my ex AH telling me, "I never said that", I also recorded his phone conversations. HOWEVER, I would always preface our conversations by telling him I was recording our conversations. It is amazing that when you tell the person that you are recording the conversations, the lies, etc., cease.

Pelican

I found "No Contact" to be the healthiest way to protect myself from the drama. No contact is the healthiest step, but also one of the hardest to commit to.

Buffalo66

we have a child. no contact is not an option

LaTeeDa

I hear that a lot on this board as an excuse why people listen to their crap. I have two children with my XAH, as well. We had to have contact about the children. That did not give him license to spew crap at me. Whenever the conversation got away from the logistics and business of the children, I ended it. It took a while, but pretty soon he learned that we could talk about the children--and that was all.

Just because you can't have no contact, doesn't mean you have to listen to all the other garbage.

L

husbandofacoa

It is healthy to "check our motives" and know why we are doing something.

I hired a private eye to check out my daughters boyfriend. I did it for me and my peace of mind. This is a good reason.

If you are recording conversations so that you will have the data if you need it in the future, this is a good thing! You are taking care of you and protecting yourself. It's like going to a lawyer to learn what you might need to know if a divorce occurs. There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself.

wanting

I think it just feeds your obsession with him.

And husbandofacoa, hiring a PI to check up on your daughter isn't protecting yourself. It is meddling in a grown woman's life and borders on the brink of insanity. It reminds me of Michael Lohan, playing tapes of his daughter and family to the public, in order to "save" her. I want to send him a copy of Codependent No More.

And I say this in an "I've been there and I was bat$hit crazy and totally lost myself doing that and am still working to find myself" kind of way.

Found

Wanting, Husband of a coa didn't play anything to the public. He didn't say why he hired the PI though.

husbandofacoa

When your daughter who has never been out on her own before calls you in the night to tell you that she met a man on the internet, in another state, and is going to marry him, you will loose your serenity.

I hired a PI so that I would know something about a man who was 1000 miles away and that my daughter just met but said she was going to marry. I needed to know that he wasn't an ax murderer.

I hope that you never go through this with a child. Even a child who is a grown woman.